  
Taking Something Off Your Plate
by Jim Duzak
One of the things
I admire most about women is their generosity of spirit. Just about every woman I know spends
an incredible amount of time tending to the needs of her immediate family, her aging parents, her friends, her co-workers or her clients, and often the community at large.
The world as we know it couldn’t function without women and their dedication.
But the downside of such generosity is burnout.
I’ve met far too many women who are perpetually running on empty. Most of them aren’t complainers but, if encouraged to talk, will readily admit that they’re stretched-out and stressed-out. They don’t want to sound resentful of the demands made on them, especially by the people they love, but they instinctively know they have way too much on their plate. Intentionally or otherwise, they’ve created a system
that requires constant---and personal---maintenance, and which benefits everyone except themselves.
For women with too much on their plate, my advice is simple: take something off your plate. No, I’m not
advocating child neglect, nor am I suggesting you adopt a don’t-call-me-I’ll-call-you policy with your eighty-five year old parents. What
I am saying is that there are probably a fair number of obligations you have that are largely self-imposed, or services you render that create an unnecessary dependency, or relationships you’re
sustaining that are totally one-sided.
Is it possible that you’re spending
more time organizing your child’s life than is healthy for either of you? Is it possible that your brothers and sisters
are “useless” when it comes to helping out with your parents, but mainly because you haven’t insisted that
they be useful? Is it possible that you have some friends or co-workers who are takers but never givers? Is it possible that
you always say “yes” to community organizations when something inside you is screaming “NO”?
If these situations sound familiar, you’re in good company. But the fact that millions of
other women are overburdened or underappreciated doesn’t mean that you should be, too.
I’ve
said in these columns before that the key to lasting change is “Little Things, Repeated Often”. Whether it’s
losing weight, getting in shape, or enhancing a love relationship, you normally don’t have to do anything drastic. If
you can adjust your daily habits just a little, you’ll accomplish your goal. Of course, the first few days are always the hardest. Just as it’s hard to hold off on dessert when you’ve always
had it, it’s hard to say no to someone you’ve always said yes to. But once you do it, you’ll realize that
it wasn’t as difficult as you thought. And it doesn’t mean you’ll never say yes again, only that you’ll have to let your own needs determine what you can or cannot do for others.
Start with the most peripheral relationships.
It may sound harsh, but that friend who has been bending your ear as long as you’ve known her, but never seems to have
ten seconds to listen to your problems, has got to go. She’s sapping your energy, putting you in a bad mood, and stealing
time from the people you truly value. Next in line might be the person at work who always wants you to drop everything so she can meet a deadline, but who never
returns the favor and never bothers to learn how to do her job more efficiently.
The
demands of church, school, charitable, and neighborhood groups might be harder to resist, because these organizations can’t
survive without someone volunteering their time. But that someone doesn’t always have to be you. You’ll be a more effective volunteer if you focus
on just one group (assuming you even have time for that one), and either
withdrawing from the others or supporting them with whatever financial help you can afford.
None of this requires rudeness.
Some variation on “Thanks for asking but I’m just too busy right now” is all you need to say. I always hate to hear people apologize when they did nothing wrong, but if an apology make it easier to say no (“I’m
sorry, but I’ve got my own report to finish by five o’clock”), then apologize. One way or
the other, though, the message should get through.
You might want to be more gentle---but just as firm---with your own family. “I can either help mom with her shopping and the doctor visits, or I can
check out assisted living centers, but I can’t do both. Which would you rather do?” “Honey, I can’t
be talking to Sarah’s mother every time the two of you have an argument. You girls need to figure out how to get along better.”
By freeing yourself from one-sided relationships, or from unnecessary demands within your core relationships, you’ll finally have
some time to devote to the one relationship you’ve probably been neglecting the most: the relationship with yourself. When you think about it, it’s the relationship that makes all the other ones possible, and it’s the only relationship you can
be sure will last a lifetime.
Author's Bio
Lawyer, mediator, workshop leader, former dating service owner, and author
of “Mid-Life Divorce and the Rebirth of Commitment” (Cold Tree Press, 2007), Jim Duzak has been called The Attorney
at Love.
For over forty years, Jim’s personal and professional life has been dominated by issues of marriage,
divorce, post-divorce dating, single parenting, and remarriage. At age twenty, he was a husband and father. At thirty, he
was divorced and raising his daughter while attending law school. He met his second wife through a personal ad. He has done
one-on-one relationship counseling, and has spoken frequently to midlife singles groups. As he says in his book, when it comes
to men-women relationships, he has either seen it all, heard it all, or done it all.
source site: www.selfgrowth.com
9/6/2005 3:17:00 PM
To: National Desk
Contact: Phil Zepeda of America's Second Harvest, 312-263-2303 ext. 184 or http://releases.usnewswire.com/redir.asp?
CHICAGO, Sept. 6 /U.S. Newswire/ As relief and recovery efforts in the Gulf region continue, America's Second Harvest – The Nation's Food Bank Network continues
to distribute food, water and grocery products to hurricane victims. A $1 million financial donation
from Oprah's Angel Network has allowed America's Second Harvest Network to purchase food necessary to support relief efforts at 5 of its food banks impacted by the hurricane, including the North Texas Food Bank in Dallas; the
Houston Food Bank; the Memphis Food Bank; the Bay Area Food Bank in Theodore, Ala.; and the Greater Baton Rouge Food Bank.
Several celebrities volunteered at America's Second Harvest food banks across the region, including Lisa Marie Presley in Memphis, John Travolta in Baton
Rouge, Chris Rock in Houston and Jamie Foxx in Dallas.
"We are grateful for the tremendous outpouring of support from Oprah Winfrey and the Angel Network and for all our corporate partners, celebrity friends and individual donors who
have donated the funds necessary to provide immediate disaster relief to America's Second Harvest food banks," said Robert Forney, president and CEO of America's Second Harvest.
"Together
we have made a difference in the lives of those affected by the devastation and America's Second Harvest will continue to provide hunger relief in the coming days, weeks and months."
Through Oprah's generous $1 million contribution, America's Second Harvest purchased food and grocery products from several
area retail stores, including The Kroger Co. in Memphis; C&S Wholesale Grocers, Inc. in Alabama; Albertson's, Inc. in
Dallas; Save-A-Lot, in Baton Rouge; and Wal-Mart & H-E-B Grocery Stores in Houston. These retailers and others have made
and are continuing to make significant contributions to hurricane relief and recovery efforts.
As of
Tuesday, Sept. 6, The America's Second Harvest Network has raised $6.8 million and secured more than 200 truckloads
of food and water for delivery to the disaster area. This equates to more than 7.7 million pounds of product, or 6 million
meals. Dozens upon dozens more truckloads are being staged to ship in the upcoming weeks. America's Second Harvest expects to maintain this level of emergency distribution for an extended period of time.
While all of this is a staggering
start for the relief effort, America's Second Harvest estimates that it'll take millions more dollars and millions more pounds of food and water
to maintain the long-term relief effort over the coming months as the clean-up effort continues and long-term shelters continue to open across the South.
America's
Second Harvest - The Nation's Food Bank Network is the nation's largest charitable hunger - relief organization with a Network of more than 200 regional member food banks and food - rescue programs serving all 50 states,
the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.
The America's Second Harvest Network
secures and distributes nearly 2 billion pounds of donated food and grocery products annually. The America's Second Harvest
Network supports approximately 50,000 local charitable agencies operating more than 94,000 programs including food pantries,
soup kitchens, emergency shelters, after-school programs and Kids Cafes.
Last year,
the America's Second Harvest Network provided food assistance to more than 23 million low-income
hungry people in the United States, including more than 9 million children and nearly 3 million seniors. For more on America's Second Harvest, please visit http://releases.usnewswire.com/redir.asp?
The
Salvation Army Serving People in the Wake of Hurricane Katrina
Jackson, MI. (August, 31) - In the wake of
Hurricane Katrina, The Salvation Army continued providing services to storm victims and
first responders in Hattiesburg, MS, Mobile, AL and New Orleans, LA. 250 storm refugees continue to receive safe shelter and
food at The Salvation Army’s Corp Community Center in New Orleans and Mobile.
Canteens are serving hot meals to storm victims and first responders in Hattiesburg, MS and Mobile, AL.
Additional canteens are staged in Baton Rouge, LA and Mobile, AL to be deployed to affected areas along the Gulf Coast once
emergency response authorities determine that it's safe to enter these areas.
"As people begin to leave shelters, we're focused on meeting
their immediate need for safe drinking water and food," said Major Dalton Cunningham, Salvation Army Commander for the states of Alabama, Louisiana and
Mississippi. "We began serving nearly 100,000 hot meals today and as soon as the flood waters recede, we'll move into more
effected area to address the staggering need."
The Salvation Army's Emergency Radio
Network SATERN (Salvation Army Team Emergency Network) has received more than 40
inquiries concerning the health and welfare of loved ones affected by Hurricane Katrina. SATERN, which works closely with
the Hurricane Watch Net and the Maritime Mobile Net, garners reports from their net frequencies and stands ready to handle
emergency communications from the affected areas as the hurricane prepares to make landfall.
The SATERN organization values the input and help of these traditional emergency organizations, along with the help of countless individual operators, who
provide inestimable expertise and logistical, strategic intelligence to the overall operation. Individuals seeking information
about loved ones in the disaster areas may register an inquiry online at www.satern.org.
The Salvation
Army is prepared to serve up to 500,000 hot meals per day to residents and first responders in the aftermath
of Hurricane Katrina. More than 250 volunteers, employees and officers will serve the meals from approximately 100 mobile canteens that are able to provide up to 5,000
hot meals per day.
In addition,
the Army has staged two, 54-foot mobile Base Camp kitchens that can provide 20,000 hot meals per day; one is in Baton Rouge;
the other in Mobile and will be moved once emergency
response authorities determine a safe location for them.
As well
as mass feeding, The Salvation Army is also prepared to offer emotional and pastoral support to storm weary victims of Hurricane Katrina’s wrath. Salvation Army officers (ministers)
are prepared to provide encouragement and a compassionate listening ear to residents of areas left to recover from Katrina’s wrath.
The Salvation Army asks people who want help those affected by Hurricane Katrina to visit www.salvationarmyusa.org or call 1-800-SAL-ARMY or visit any Wal-Mart or Sam's Club.
For example,
a $100 donation will feed a family of 4 for 2 days, provide 2 cases of drinking water and one household clean-up kit, containing
brooms, mops, buckets and cleaning supplies.
The Salvation
Army is deeply grateful for the generosity of contributors like Wal-Mart, which yesterday donated $1 million to
help its neighbors in the wake of Katrina.
About The Salvation Army:
The Salvation Army, an evangelical part of the universal Christian
church, has been supporting those in need in His name without discrimination since 1865. Nearly 33 million Americans receive assistance from The Salvation
Army each year through the broadest array of social services that range from providing food for the hungry, relief for disaster victims, assistance for the disabled, outreach to the elderly & ill, clothing & shelter to the
homeless & opportunities for underprivileged children. About 83 cents of every dollar raised is used to support those services in nearly 9,000 communities nationwide. For more information, go to http://www.salvationarmyusa.org
Many here responding in hurricane's aftermath
Churches, agencies, colleges respond to Katrina
Thursday, September 01, 2005 By Ervin Dyer, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Pittsburgh
residents, charities, faith groups, hospitals and businesses continued yesterday to assemble teams and dispatch aid to the increasingly desperate and weary victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Unless otherwise noted, organizations are asking for financial assistance to avoid using staff for distribution efforts.
One of the federal Disaster
Medical Assistance Teams, headed by Mercy Hospital's emergency medicine physician, Keith Conover, was deployed to Alabama.
At last report, it was in a staging area in a central part of the state and had yet to be moved to 1 of 3 hospitals devastated by the hurricane.
Conover had just finished
his emergency room shift on Saturday when he got the call from the Federal Emergency Mgmt. Agency to go to Alabama. He's with
a group of nurses and paramedics, 1 of 23 teams being dispatched. Conover's group was hoping to reach southern Alabama.
After Katrina first threatened Florida a week ago, Dominion Resources Inc., the parent company for the Pittsburgh-based
Dominion Peoples, sent 300 electrical workers south. Since then, 200 more line workers, most of them from Virginia and North
Carolina, have been dispatched to Louisiana and Mississippi to help cut down trees and restore
power.
Natural
gas workers, including volunteers from Pittsburgh, may go down once the water recedes to aid with gas lines, said spokesman Dan Donovan.
Pittsburgh City Councilman
Doug Shields said he and other council members will call today for a regionwide effort to help the hurricane-ravaged regions.
Shields said he wants the
city to inventory its assets to see what it can send.
Shields said he is urging
Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato to organize a similar effort countywide.
Colleges also are stepping
in with help, including offers to take in displaced students.
Penn State
Univ. intends to offer emergency financial aid and loans to students whose homes were destroyed or whose family members lost jobs due to
the storm. It also announced plans to open its campuses to students enrolled this fall at colleges on the Gulf Coast now closed indefinitely.
Robert Hill, vice chancellor
for public affairs at the Univ. of Pittsburgh, said the institution would be willing to
allow Tulane students who hail from the Pittsburgh area to attend Pitt until they're able
to return to their home campus.
Carnegie
Mellon Univ. President Jared Cohon, meanwhile, contacted his counterpart at Tulane
and offered to help that school and students whose studies have been put on hold.
Bayer
Corp., the health and nutrition group and its Bayer Foundation pledged $2 million
in cash and products to aid relief efforts.
The Southwestern Pennsylvania Chapter
of the American Red Cross plans to dispatch a team of volunteers, as well as its emergency response vehicle, either today or tomorrow. The volunteers, who would fly to a destination somewhere near the affected region, would help staff any of the 230 shelters that have been
set up for the 40,000 evacuees in the disaster area.
The Greater Pittsburgh Community
Food Bank yesterday had 56 pallets of bottled water, juice, granola bars and clean-up supplies
ready to go if those resources are needed, said Joyce Rothermel, Food Bank CEO.
Yesterday FEMA officials were
fielding thousands of requests from rescue workers and volunteers to head south to help in relief and recovery efforts.
Gov. Ed Rendell and the state's
emergency management agency were dispatching an urban search and rescue unit, disaster medical assistance teams, National
Guardsmen and a satellite communications package to help.
In Greensburg, 26 volunteers trained in swift water rescue in the Greensburg Volunteer Fire Dept. stood ready to head
south with 6, 16-foot Swift boats, 3 trailers and a jet ski.
By Tuesday afternoon, The Salvation Army of Western Pennsylvania was able to accept donations for the relief and recovery effort. Army ministers and volunteers were on standby to travel south and work in mobile kitchens and feeding stations.
Bishop Thomas Bickerton, head
of the Western Pennsylvania United Methodists, said the 900 churches in his conference had
put out e-mails seeking volunteers for cleanup and food work teams.
Like dozens of other denominations,
the United Methodist churches plan to set aside special offerings
to be consolidated with relief donations.
Once the emergency is over,
the United Methodist Committee on Relief will focus its assistance on rural populations,
often overlooked as cities garner the bulk of aid and publicity.
Brother's
Brother Foundation, a North Side-based charity that specializes in international relief, is sending 5,000 pairs of shoes and new clothing and hygiene items. The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints and the United Methodist relief agency will help with
the distribution.
Bishop William S. Skylstad,
president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, said a national collection will be
taken up in the church's 195 dioceses and that the denomination's social services arm, Catholic
Charities, will continue to review needs.
Yesterday, Bishop Donald Wuerl
asked Pittsburgh area parishes to take a voluntary hurricane collection at Mass on the Labor
Day weekend. All funds will go directly to archdioceses and dioceses impacted by Katrina.
Metropolitan
Basil, head of the Byzantine Catholic Archeparchy of Pittsburgh, asked his
faithful to remember those ravaged by the storms. The metropolitan's jurisdiction includes 85 parishes and missions in Louisiana,
Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia.
At World
Vision, a Christian relief agency specifically aimed at reaching poor children, plans were in place to send in teams of relief workers.
The Council on American-Islamic Relations
yesterday urged all Muslims to pray and for mosques to hold special
blood drives and fund-raising efforts.
The United
Jewish Federation is accepting donations online.
Presbyterian Disaster Assistance, an emergency response agency with the Presbyterian Church (USA), has issued a $10 million appeal for hurricane relief and pledged $500,000 from collective donations and general relief funds to meet needs.
A New Orleans family finds 'stability' thanks to a Maine man's generous
offer
By ANN S. KIM, Portland Press Herald Writer
Copyright © 2005 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.
MASON TOWNSHIP - Bill Ullman needed just an hour-long phone call to settle the arrangement: The D'Aquin family of New Orleans could live in his guest cottage
while they put their lives back together in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. The D'Aquins needed to have a family conference and sleep on it first. Even though their home was under water and their possessions lost, it was still a big decision to accept the generosity of a faraway stranger, leaving behind family and the city where they were
born and raised.
The next day, Rob and Geralyn
D'Aquin left the Memphis hotel where they had sought temporary refuge before Katrina hit and picked up their 13-year-old daughter,
who'd been with her paternal grandparents.
They arrived in Maine on Saturday,
meeting Ullman near the Maine Turnpike in Westbrook and continuing caravan-style to their new home in the woods of western
Maine, southwest of Bethel.
Ullman's Internet post wasn't
the only offer of help or housing for hurricane victims that the couple spotted. But his was the only one that mentioned schools
and it became clear he wanted to provide just what the family was seeking: "stability, a roof over our heads and mainly for
our daughter to get back to normal as soon as possible," said Geralyn D'Aquin, 40.
"He asked us what would be
the main reason to take such a trip," she said. "I just told him, 'We have a daughter. She needs an education.' "
A bit of normalcy begins today
as Lindsay enters 7th grade at Telstar Middle School in Bethel. Rob, used to supporting the family as a computer network administrator for Proctor & Gamble, may start a job as a painter as soon as this week.
He's still looking for something in his old line of work.
The family came with just
a few changes of clothes and Rambo, their long-haired dachshund. The house they rented in New Orleans was still under at least
15 feet of water, according to the latest word from family. They had no flood insurance because they could find no carrier
that offered coverage for their location, just a couple of blocks from the 17th Street Canal levee that broke.
Their new neighbors have offered
everything from warmer clothes - the late summer weather is like January back home, the D'Aquins say - to food to hypnotherapy.
The D'Aquins are very grateful for the generosity but also find it difficult to be dependent on others. They are accepting donations through an account at the Key Bank on Main Street in Bethel.
"We've never had to ask for
anything," said Geralyn D'Aquin, who is now on disability but used to stock merchandise for a mall.
"I'm still trying to accept that," said Rob D'Aquin, 35. "I guess I have to swallow my pride because of the situation we're in."
Ullman, 69, downplays his
hospitality. He retired to the area 15 years ago after working overseas for a mining and mineral company. He said he was thinking about helping hurricane victims by sending a check, but then thought about his other house.
"It stands empty most of the
time and I thought, 'Hell, this is outrageous to have an empty spare house when there are tens and tens of thousands of homeless people,' "
he said.
Lindsay D'Aquin has been making
the loft that serves as her room a bit more homey. Photos of some of her favorite musicians - Good Charlotte, Bow Wow and
Ciara - look down from pages and posters from teen magazines she's taped to the walls.
A souvenir photo of Geralyn
D'Aquin and her mother in front of the gates of Graceland sits on a ledge. The bed is made with a pink comforter, psychedelic
pink and purple sheets and a furry pink cushion. Mom promised to help finish up the room with curtains and a throw rug.
"She's young. She's resilient," Geralyn D'Aquin said. "That's all that matters to me."
Staff Writer Ann S. Kim can be contacted at 791-6383 or at:
akim@pressherald.com
Most of us
grow up strongly influenced by the concept that,
'It's better to give than to receive.'
For many of us,
it becomes more than a nice sentiment, but a way of being. We take it to heart so much that we interpret it literally and that's where we often get ourselves into trouble!
That's
often the problem with maxims. They're effective because they're short and to the point. However, it's assumed that the entire
context and meaning is understood.
For example, 'It's better to give than to receive' assumes that we understand that the balance of life, the joy of it, is in giving and receiving.
Many people need reminding that there's joy in both, but that the greater joy is in giving. It could be considered a mini-sermon to those that believe 'Take care of yourself' means life is about them, that the universe and everything in it was created to satisfy their every whim.
To me, 'Take
care of yourself' means making sure that your needs are given the same importance as everyone else's.
Even when we initially understand the original intent of a message, years of constant repetition tends to make us forget. Using our own experience and predisposition to guide
us, we start creating our own context.
i.e., 'It's better
to give than to receive' could start meaning we should only give and never receive. This creates a whole series of life problems. I suspect that many people who interpret giving in this way find it difficult to succeed in business because they have trouble charging the correct price and end up giving product or service away.
These are usually
the same people who'd never consider taking anything from someone else without paying full price.
Individuals who take this to the extreme also believe 'Giving, goood. Receiving, baaaad.' This now adds an element of judgment, not necessarily of other people's receiving (they do need someone to give to), but certainly of themselves.
They're usually
the first ones to offer aid, time, money, even their seat on a bus. It's just more comfortable to unload whatever they have received at the earliest opportunity and it's almost painful for them if they have something
and someone around them is going without.
There are even deeper issues around giving-ness for many people. Although 'chronic' givers usually say they don't want anything in return, the truth is they're deeply hurt when nothing is offered. They begin to feel used and abused. Resentments begin to pile up until one day there is a massive explosion.
Of course, the
guilt one feels after such an explosion often results in giving even more in an attempt to make up for the outburst. And it's not just guilt for the explosion itself, but for the very fact that they wanted something in the first place.
Very often, there
are major issues around self-esteem and deservingness involved here.
As individuals gain the awareness that life is also about receiving, they usually begin the process of healing. An issue that often surfaces at this point
deals with their self-identity. Giving is so much a part of their nature that, when they first open themselves to the prospect of receiving, they feel that they have to make a choice.
It appears that
the only way to change their behavior is to stop doing what they're doing, to stop giving. But they like helping others, they prefer their loving and giving nature, it's who they ARE.
The solution, of course, is that they don't have to
stop being who they are, they don't have to stop giving. They just have to allow themselves to start receiving!
One way to help make this
shift is to stop thinking of yourself as a giver and to start thinking of yourself as being generous. These may appear the same at first, but there are some considerable
differences between the two.
First, instead of saying
'I am a giver' we say 'I'm generous'. Being a giver (like any role we have in life) implies certain responsibilities and rules.
It tends to restrict
us in how we think about ourselves and often forces us to give way past the point where it's healthy. Being generous implies that we're a person who is able to share what we have. That there's
plenty for me and you can have some too.
Giving can imply that there isn't enough to go around. Being generous comes from a place of abundance.
You've all heard (and can relate to, I'm sure) the expression 'Give til it hurts.'
To immediately
feel the difference between the two concepts, try saying 'Be generous til it hurts.' I'm sure you have the same reaction that I do. It doesn't quite compute. It's an oxymoron and my face scrunches up as I
try to put these words together. [Ok, it's not attractive, but it's how I know that my
brain is working hard!]
Giving feels good, but being generous feels joyful. Giving often feels like a 'should', while generosity is a gift from the heart. Giving is a 'doing' while generosity is a 'being'. Giving is an action and generosity a trait.
Giving seems to imply scarcity while generosity implies reserves. Giving is often about you while generosity shifts the focus to the receiver. Giving can often have strings, but generosity feels unconditional.
Giving is one way, while generosity encompasses receiving as well. I'm sure you will come up with
many more distinctions as you start thinking about this and applying it to your own life.
I have been 'trying on' this concept
for a few weeks now. I can only say that I feel a lightness that I haven't felt for a long time. As I write this, I'm realizing
that before this shift, giving felt like a compulsion.
Study: Generous oldsters live longer (Reported
by Marcella S. Kreiter, UPI Correspondent, in Chicago)
Published 11/13/2002 4:58 PM
ANN ARBOR, Mich., Nov. 13
(UPI) Older Americans who are generous with their time and help can reduce their risk of dying prematurely by 60% a new study released Wednesday suggests.
The study, to be published
in a future issue of the journal Psychology Science, found people who reported providing no help to others were more than
twice as likely to die sooner than people who gave of themselves.
Psychologist Stephanie Brown,
the study's author, said previous studies have credited receiving support from another individual with prolonging life. The new research contradicts that finding, Brown said. It's the giving, not the receiving, that increases longevity.
"Making a contribution to
the lives of other people may help to extend our own lives," said Brown, of the Univ. of Michigan Institute for Social Research.
The study, which was funded
in part by the National Institutes of Health, examined data on 423 older couples who were selected randomly from a community-based
sample of people first interviewed in 1987, then followed for 5 years to see how they coped with the inevitable changes of later life.
In the first set of interviews,
the husbands and wives were asked a series of questions about whether they provided any practical support to friends, neighbors or relatives, including help with housework, childcare, errands or transportation.
They also were asked how much
they could count on help from friends or family members if they needed it and about giving and receiving emotional support to or from their spouses, including being willing to listen a spouse who needs to talk.
During the 5 year period of
the study, 134 people died.
In her analysis of the link
between mortality and giving and receiving help, Brown adjusted the data for a variety of factors, including age, gender and physical and emotional health.
Overall, Brown found 75% of men and 72% of women reported providing some help without pay to friends, relatives or neighbors
in the year before they were surveyed.
Receiving help from others
wasn't linked to a reduced risk of mortality, however.
"These findings suggest that
it isn't what we get from relationships that makes contact with others so beneficial. It's what we give," Brown said.
The results, she noted, are
consistent with the possibility the benefits of social contact are shaped, in part, by the evolutionary advantages of helping others.
"It's well-established that
social contact has powerful health benefits," Brown said. "My work demonstrated that the benefits of social contact and of receiving support, were entirely accounted for by giving.
I consider this work to be
important because our findings are in opposition to decades of research that attribute the benefits of social contact to the support that's received from others."
A similar study by another
U-M researcher, Liang Krause Bennet, published last year in the journal Psychology and Aging, reached similar conclusions.
Dr. Dean Ornish, who wrote
"Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy," said longevity prospects increase dramatically with the number of close relationships a person has.
"It has been found that people
who volunteer to help others also greatly increase their health and survival," Ornish wrote in a newsletter. "Investigators have found
that activities involving regular volunteer work were among the most powerful predictors of reduced mortality rates."
The Second Precept: Generosity
source site: The Second Precept: Generosity
by Thich Nhat Hanh
"Aware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing and oppression, I undertake to cultivate loving kindness and learn ways to work for the well-being of people, animals, plants and minerals. I undertake to practice generosity by sharing my time, energy and material resources with those who are in real need. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others. I will respect the property of others, but I will prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on
Earth."
Exploitation, social injustice and stealing come in many forms. Oppression is one form of stealing that causes much suffering both here
and in the Third World. The moment we undertake to cultivate loving kindness, loving kindness is born in us and we make every effort to stop exploitation, social injustice, stealing and oppression.
In the First Precept, we found
the word "compassion." Here, we find the words "loving kindness." Compassion and loving kindness are the two aspects of love taught by the Buddha.
Compassion, karuna in Sanskrit and Pali, is the intention and capacity to relieve the suffering of another person or living being. Loving kindness, maitri in Sanskrit, metta in Pali, is the intention and capacity to bring joy and happiness to another person or living eing.
It was predicted by Shakyamuni
Buddha that the next Buddha will bear the name Maitreya, the Buddha of Love.
"Aware of the suffering caused
by exploitation, social injustice, stealing and oppression, I undertake to cultivate loving kindness and learn ways to work for the well-being of people, animals, plants and minerals."
Even with maitri as a source
of energy in ourselves, we still need to learn to look deeply in order to find ways to express it. We do it as individuals and we learn ways to do it as a nation.
To promote the well-being
of people, animals, plants and minerals, we have to come together as a community and examine our situation, exercising our
intelligence and our ability to look deeply so that we can discover appropriate ways to express our maitri in the midst of
real problems.
Suppose you want to help those
who are suffering under a dictatorship. In the past you may have tried sending in troops to overthrow their government, but
you've learned that when doing that, you cause the deaths of many innocent people and even then, you might not overthrow the dictator.
If you practice looking more
deeply, with loving kindness, to find a better way to help these people without causing suffering, you may realize that the best time to help is before
the country falls into the hands of a dictator.
If you offer the young people
of that country the opportunity to learn your democratic ways of governing by giving them scholarships to come to your country,
that would be a good investment for peace in the future.
If you had done that 30 years
ago, the other country might be democratic now and you wouldn't have to bomb them or send in troops to "liberate" them.
This is just one example of
how looking deeply and learning can help us find ways to do things that are more in line with loving kindness. If we wait until the situation gets bad, it may be too late.
If we practice the precepts
together with politicians, soldiers, businessmen, lawyers, legislators, artists, writers and teachers, we can find the best
ways to practice compassion, loving kindness and understanding.
It requires time to practice
generosity. We may want to help those who are hungry, but we're caught in the problems of
our own daily lives. Sometimes, one pill or a little rice could save the life of a child, but we don't take the time to help,
because we think we don't have the time.
In Ho Chi Minh City, i.e.,
there are street children who call themselves "the dust of life." They are homeless and they wander the streets by day and
sleep under trees at night. They scavenge in garbage heaps to find things like plastic bags they can sell for one or two cents
per pound.
The nuns and monks in Ho Chi
Minh City have opened their temples to these children and if the children agree to stay 4 hours in the morning - learning
to read and write and playing with the monks and nuns - they are offered a vegetarian lunch. Then they can go to the Buddha
hall for a nap. (In Vietnam, we always take naps after lunch; it's so hot. When the Americans
came, they brought their practice of working 8 hours, from 9 to 5. Many of us tried, but we couldn't do it. We desperately need our naps after lunch.)
Then at 2 o'clock, there's
more teaching and playing with the children and the children who stay for the afternoon receive dinner. The temple doesn't
have a place for them to sleep overnight. In our community in France, we've been supporting these nuns and monks. It costs only twenty cents for a child to have both lunch and dinner and
it'll keep him from being out on the streets, where he might steal cigarettes, smoke, use delinquent language and learn the
worst behavior.
By encouraging the children to go to the temple, we help prevent them from becoming delinquent and entering prison later on. It takes time
to help these children, not much money. There are so many simple things like this we can do to help people, but because we
can't free ourselves from our situation and our lifestyle, we do nothing at all.
We need to come together as a community and looking deeply, find ways to free ourselves so we can practice the Second Precept.
"I undertake to practice generosity by sharing my time, energy and material resources with those who are in real need." This sentence is clear. The feeling of generosity and the capacity for being generous aren't
enough. We also need to express our generosity.
We may feel that we don't
have the time to make people happy - we say, "Time is money," but time is more than money. Life is for more than using time to make money. Time is for being
alive, for sharing joy and happiness with others. The wealthy are often the least able to make others happy. Only those with time can do so.
I know a man named Bac Sieu
in Thua Thien Province in Vietnam, who has been practicing generosity for 50 years; he's
a living bodhisattva. With only a bicycle, he visits villages of 13 provinces, bringing something for this family and something
for that family. When I met him in 1965, I was a little too proud of our School of Youth for Social Service.
We'd begun to train 300 workers,
including monks and nuns, to go out to rural villages to help people rebuild homes and modernize local economies, health-care
systems and education. Eventually we had 10,000 workers throughout the country.
As I was telling Bac Sieu
about our projects, I was looking at his bicycle and thinking that with a bicycle he could help only a few people. But when the communists took over and closed our School, Bac Sieu continued,
because his way of working was formless.
Our orphanages, dispensaries,
schools and resettlement centers were all shut down or taken by the government. Thousands of our workers had to stop their
work and hide. But Bac Sieu had nothing to take. He was a truly a bodhisattva, working for the well-being of others. I feel
more humble now concerning the ways of practicing generosity.
The war created many thousands
of orphans. Instead of raising money to build orphanages, we sought people in the West to sponsor a child. We found families
in the villages to each take care of one orphan, then we sent $6 every month to that family to feed the child and send him or her to school.
Whenever possible, we tried
to place the child in the family of an aunt, an uncle, or a grandparent. With just $6, the child was fed and sent to school
and the rest of the children in the family were also helped. Children benefit from growing up in a family. Being in an orphanage
can be like being in the army - children don't grow up naturally. If we look for and learn ways to practice generosity, we'll improve all the time.
"I'm determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others. I'll respect the property of others, but I'll prevent others from profiting from human suffering or the suffering of other species on
Earth." When you practice one precept deeply, you'll discover that you're practicing all 5.
The First Precept is about
taking life, which is a form of stealing - stealing the most precious thing someone has, his or her life. When we meditate on the Second Precept, we see that stealing, in the forms of exploitation, social injustice and oppression, are acts of killing - killing slowly by exploitation, by maintaining social injustice, and by political and economic oppression.
Therefore, the Second Precept
has much to do with the precept of not killing. We see the "interbeing" nature of the first two precepts. This is true of
all Five Precepts. Some people formally receive just one or two precepts. I didn't mind, because if you practice one or two
precepts deeply, all Five Precepts will be observed.
The Second Precept is not
to steal. Instead of stealing, exploiting, or oppressing, we practice generosity. In Buddhism, we say there are 3 kinds of gifts.
The first is the gift of material resources. The second is to help people rely on themselves, to offer them the technology
and know-how to stand on their own feet.
Helping people with the Dharma
so they can transform their fear, anger and depression belongs to the second kind of gift. The third is the gift of non-fear. We are afraid of many things. We feel insecure, afraid of being alone, afraid of sickness and dying. To help people not be destroyed by their fears, we practice the third kind of gift-giving.
The Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara
is someone who practices this extremely well. In the Heart Sutra, he teaches us the way to transform and transcend
fear and ride on the waves of birth and death, smiling. He says that there's no production, no destruction, no being, no nonbeing, no increasing and no decreasing.
Hearing this helps us look
deeply into the nature of reality to see that birth and death, being and nonbeing, coming and going, increasing and decreasing
are all just ideas that we ascribe to reality, while reality transcends all concepts. When we realize the interbeing nature
of all things - that even birth and death are just concepts - we transcend fear.
In 1991, I visited a friend
in New York who was dying, Alfred Hassler. We'd worked together in the peace movement for almost 30 years. Alfred looked as though he had been waiting for me to come before dying and he died only a
few hours after our visit. I went with my closest colleague, Sister Chan Khong (True Emptiness).
Alfred wasn't awake when we
arrived. His daughter Laura tried to wake him up, but she couldn't. So I asked Sister Chan Khong to sing Alfred the Song
of No Coming and No Going:
"These eyes are not me, I am
not caught by these eyes. This body is not me, I am not caught by this body. I am life without boundaries. I have never been born, I will never die."
The idea is taken from the
Samyutta Nikaya. She sang so beautifully and I saw streams of tears running down the faces of Alfred's wife and children.
They were tears of understanding and they were very healing.
Suddenly, Alfred came back
to himself. Sister Chan Khong began to practice what she had learned from studying the sutra The Teaching Given to the
Sick.
She said, "Alfred, do you
remember the times we worked together?" She evoked many happy memories we had shared together and Alfred was able to remember each of them. Although he was obviously in pain, he smiled.
This practice brought results right away.
When a person is suffering
from so much physical pain, we sometimes can alleviate his suffering by watering the seeds of happiness that are in him. A kind of balance is restored and he'll feel less pain.
All the while, I was practicing
massage on his feet and I asked him whether he felt my hand on his body. When you're dying, areas of your body become numb
and you feel as if you have lost those parts of your body.
Doing massage in mindfulness, gently, gives the dying person the feeling that he's alive and being cared for. He knows that love is there. Alfred nodded and his eyes seemed to say, "Yes, I feel your hands. I know my foot is there."
Sister Chan Khong asked, "Do
you know we learned a lot from you when we lived and worked together? The work you began, many of us are continuing to do.
Please don't worry about anything." She told him many things like that and he seemed to suffer less. At one point, he opened
his mouth and said, "Wonderful, wonderful." Then, he sank back to sleep.
Before we left, we encouraged the family to continue these practices. The next day I learned that Alfred passed away just 5 hours after our visit. This
was a kind of gift that belongs to the 3rd category. If you can help people feel safe, less afraid of life, people and death, you're practicing the 3rd kind of gift.
During my meditation, I had a wonderful image - the shape of a wave, its beginning and its end. When conditions are sufficient, we perceive the
wave and when conditions are no longer sufficient, we don't perceive the wave. Waves are only made of water. We can't label
the wave as existing or nonexisting.
After what we call the death
of the wave, nothing is gone, nothing is lost. The wave has been absorbed into other waves and somehow, time will bring the
wave back again. There's no increasing, decreasing, birth, or death. When we're dying, if we think that everyone else is alive and we're the only person dying, our feeling of loneliness may be unbearable.
But if we're able to visualize hundreds of thousands of people dying with us, our dying may become serene and even joyful.
"I am dying in community. Millions
of living beings are also dying in this very moment. I see myself together with millions of other living beings; we die in
the Sangha. At the same time, millions of beings are coming to life. All of us are doing this together. I have been born,
I am dying. We participate in the whole event as a Sangha."
That's what I saw in my meditation. In the Heart Sutra, Avalokitesvara shares this kind of insight and helps us transcend fear, sorrow and pain. The gift of non-fear brings about a transformation in us.
The Second Precept is a deep
practice. We speak of time, energy and material resources, but time isn't only for energy and material resources. Time is
for being with others - being with a dying person or with someone who is suffering.
Being really present for even 5 minutes can be a very important gift. Time isn't just to make money. It's to produce the gift of Dharma and the gift of non-fear.
THICH NHAT HANH is a Zen Buddhist
monk, peace activist, scholar and poet.He's the founder of the Van Hanh Buddhist Univ. in Saigon, has taught at Columbia Univ.
and the Sorbonne and now lives in southern France, where he gardens, works to help those in need and travels internationally
teaching ``the art of mindful living.'' Martin Luther King, Jr., nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967, saying,
``I don't personally know of anyone more worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize than this gentle monk from Vietnam.''
Reproduced from For a Future to Be Possible: Commentaries
on the Five Wonderful Precepts (1993) by Thich Nhat Hanh. Copyright 1993. Reprinted with permission of Parallax Press,
PO Box 7355, Berkeley, CA 94707.
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Being On The Receiving End of Someones Generosity
by Kathleen Howe
I've been fortunate enough to have known many generous people throughout my lifetime. I can account for learning how good it felt to be on the receiving
end of someone else's generosity even back into my childhood years. Surprisingly enough,
I was well into my thirties before I realized the full scope of what generosity can mean
to some unfortunate people in this world. Believe it or not, I was well into my thirties before I knew that there was a thing
called "welfare." I wasn't even aware of the fact that there were people in such need that welfare had to exist. I was naive
beyond comprehension.
I was also fortunate enough to have been taught manners
by my parents. I knew that there was a need to thank those who extended their generosity towards
me. Even as fortunate as I was, beginning in my childhood, I understood in some unknown sense that I would be better off not
having any expectations as to what I would receive in life. I was absolutely sure that I would never have the nerve to ask
my mother or father for anything that wasn't absolutely necessary for me to have. I led a comfortable life though. We never
went without things that were basic needs. We always had a place to live, clothes to wear, food to eat and we were comfortable.
Being the oldest child of
two oldest children, I was certainly spoiled a bit more than my brother and sister. I was afforded the most generous nature of all of my aunts, uncles and grandparents. I was allowed to get to know them all intimately.
It was surely a blessing most of the time. My extended family was so generous with
me that with every birthday that passed by throughout my first eighteen years, I received presents and cards from every one
of them. All of my extended relatives attended my graduation from high school and wedding. They even traveled thousands
of miles to give me a baby shower with my first child, even though I was the one who had moved far away from them all.
Unfortunately for me, life continues after the age of eighteen
and misfortune seemed to follow me through the increasingly intensive crescendoes of episodes of domestic violence, loveless
marriages, and I found myself dwelling in an abyss of loneliness. As my emotional distress increased I was unaware that it was
mental illness that I began to experience. I wasn't aware of any mental illnesses. I had been taught to adopt the
concept that no matter how I felt, "Life was fine."
After living eight years in an abusive marriage with a police
officer I learned that there were domestic violence shelters. It was at this time that I learned about the welfare system.
It was a necessity for me once I relinquished my freedom to stay within the confines of the domestic violence shelter. I had
to leave my home, my children except for one and move into a house that had strict rules, assigned chores and curfew. All
manner of privacy was taken away. Any employee of the shelter could walk into your room at any time without any prior permission.
It was at this time I learned I was about to depend upon the generosity of strangers to
survive.
Living within the confines of a shelter of any kind it's highly likely that
with every essential need you realize - you are depending upon the generosity of strangers to fill
those needs. Things as simple as a toothbrush and soap are given to unknown faces, but these things are given in good faith
and without strings attached. This is very real generosity. When the giver will never meet the
one who will receive the gift - it's generosity's call.
When you are forced to meet generosity in this fashion you become very
humble. It is through the unknown heroes that one becomes very aware of how grateful one can feel.
There are some people who couldn't survive being in this situation.
to be continued 3/4/09
Kroger Helps Oprah's Angel Network Feed Hurricane Katrina Victims in Memphis
CINCINNATI, Sept. 9 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ A quick, coordinated response by The Kroger Co. and other corporate partners this week turned a $1 million cash
donation from Oprah's Angel Network into thousands of pounds of food to feed hungry Americans displaced by Hurricane Katrina.
A portion of the $1 million contribution to America's Second
Harvest, the nation's largest domestic hunger relief organization, was used to purchase food to support relief efforts in the Memphis area, where an estimated 25,000 evacuees have taken refuge. Approximately 10,000 are living in emergency
shelters there.
Within 24 hours of hearing of the financial contribution,
Kroger had delivered 5 truckloads of food and grocery products - valued at $200,000 - to assist The Memphis Food Bank. Working
from a list of critically needed items supplied by the food bank, Kroger distribution center associates in Memphis sorted and loaded the supplies onto 4 trucks
from Kroger and 1 from FedEx. The 5 vehicles formed a convoy to transport the supplies to the food bank last Sunday afternoon.
A contingent of 30 Kroger volunteers was on hand to help unload the trucks and stock the food bank's shelves.
"Kroger's Delta division
in Memphis has always been with the Food Bank at good times and bad," said Susan Sanford, executive director of the Food Bank.
"At this horrible time for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, the Kroger distribution center worked overtime to pull together
emergency supplies that we needed over the holiday weekend and in record time, supplied 5 truckloads of food with almost no notice."
She said the Food Bank's service area consists of 32 Mid-South
counties, so the food is being supplied not only to Memphis and Shelby counties in Tennessee, but also as far south as Tupelo,
Mississippi. She said the first food Kroger supplied last weekend went to emergency shelters in Tunica County, Mississippi.
"Kroger associates have
a history of helping the food bank feed families in Memphis," said Bill Platten, vice president of operations for Kroger's
Delta division. "Helping with the Oprah Angel Network project was a natural extension of that longtime
support."
Oprah's Angel Network donation
funded similar contributions to the North Texas Food Bank in Dallas, the Houston Food Bank, the Bay Area Food Bank in Theodore,
Alabama and the Greater Baton Rouge Food Bank.
Kroger expects to help raise more than $5 million for Hurricane Katrina relief efforts.
Headquartered in Cincinnati,
Ohio, Kroger is one of the nation's largest retail grocery chains. At the end of the first quarter of fiscal 2005, the Company
operated (either directly or through its subsidiaries) 2,524 supermarkets
and multi-department stores in 32 states under 2 dozen local banners including Kroger, Ralphs, Fred Meyer, Food 4 Less, King
Soopers, Smith's and Smith's Marketplace, Fry's and Fry's Marketplace, Dillons, QFC and City Market. Kroger also operated
(either directly or thru subsidiaries, franchise agreements, or operating agreements)
793 convenience stores, 432 fine jewelry stores, 552 supermarket fuel centers and 42 food processing plants. For more information
about Kroger, please visit our web site at http://www.kroger.com.
CONTACT: Gary Rhodes of The Kroger Co., +1-513-762-1304
Web site: http://www.kroger.com/
Disclaimer: Information contained on this page is provided by companies featured through
PR Newswire. PR Newswire, WorldNow and this Station cannot confirm the accuracy of this information and make no warranties
or representations in connection therewith.
Afghans give $100,000 for Katrina relief
U.S. ambassador thanks Afghan people for 'compassion and generosity'
Updated: 6:40 a.m. ET Sept. 4, 2005
KABUL, Afghanistan - Impoverished Afghanistan will give $100,000 for relief efforts in the United States in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the U.S. Embassy said.
U.S. Ambassador Ronald Neumann thanked the Afghan people at a ceremony on Sunday at which the aid was pledged
by the government on behalf of the people.
“Their compassion and generosity bears testimony to the strength of the ties between our 2 peoples,”
Neumann said.
Hurricane Katrina struck the southern U.S. coast on Aug. 29,
wrecking the city of New Orleans and possibly killing thousands.
U.S. forces toppled
the Taliban regime in Afghanistan in 2001. About 20,000 soldiers remain, battling Taliban insurgents and conducting security
operations ahead of Sept. 18 elections.
Copyright 2005 Reuters Limited.
All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written
consent of Reuters.
Bank of America Provides Relief in Wake of Hurricane Katrina
Bank Contributes $1 Million to Aid Victims; Announces Disaster Relief Plan for Customers
CHARLOTTE, N.C., Sept. 1 /PRNewswire/ - Bank of America today
announced a $1 million donation to aid the victims of Hurricane Katrina throughout the Gulf
Coast region. In addition, Bank of America today activated several relief programs to assist customers struggling in the storm's aftermath.
As part of the donation, Bank
of America will deliver immediately $500,000 to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund
and $100,000 to the Houston Food Bank via the Gulf Coast United Way Katrina Relief Fund
to feed 23,000 evacuees currently housed at the Houston Astrodome.
As relief efforts evolve in
the coming weeks, the remaining $400,000 contribution will be directed to the areas of greatest
need. In addition, Bank of America will match associate pledges through the bank's Matching Gifts program and will not limit its overall relief donation.
"As the victims of Hurricane
Katrina begin to rebuild their lives and their cities, they'll need help from individuals and organizations from across our great country to succeed," said Kenneth D. Lewis, chairman, chief executive officer and president, Bank of America.
"Like all Americans,
our company and our associates are humbled by the task ahead and inspired by our country's traditions of generosity in times of need - as we join the nation's efforts to bring relief and hope to the communities and people of the Gulf Coast."
Bank of America also announced
that it will begin accepting public donations for the American Red Cross through its network of more than 5,800 banking centers nationwide
or click website link below.
Starting today, banking centers will collect cash and check contributions and will forward them nightly to
the American Red Cross.
Bank of America Disaster Relief for Customers
Under its disaster relief program,
Bank of America customers affected by Hurricane Katrina within a federal disaster area, as designated by the Federal Emergency
Management Agency (FEMA), may be able to qualify for special product and service programs.
Home Mortgages and Home Equity Loans and Lines of Credit
For homeowners with a mortgage or
home equity financing, Bank of America has automatically activated the following services: - No late charges will be assessed for 90 days. - No negative credit reporting for
90 days. A payment deferral of 90 days or 3 payments.
Mortgage and home equity customers
may use the following phone numbers to contact Bank of America with any questions about these services. Mortgage customers
may call 1.800.285.6000. Home equity customers may call 1.800.432.1000.
Credit Cards
For Bank of America credit card customers, the following forms
of assistance are available by contacting the bank using the telephone number on the back of their card: - Waive late fees, over limit fees and finance charges. - Obtain special assistance
on monthly payments. - Receive emergency credit line increases on their existing Bank of America Visa(R) or MasterCard(R).
Automobile, Boat and RV Loans
Customers impacted by Hurricane Katrina who wish to defer up
to two monthly automobile, boat or recreational vehicle loan payments can call 1.800.215.6195 or their regular customer service
number.
Bank of America Charitable Investments
With a $1.5 billion philanthropic
goal over the next 10 years, Bank of America Charitable Investments is one of the largest corporate charitable
organizations in the country. The mission of Bank of America Charitable Investments group is to deploy a targeted array of
philanthropic resources that help neighborhoods grow and prosper, thereby creating thriving environments where the bank's
customers, associates and shareholders live, work and invest.
For more information about
Bank of America Charitable Investments, please visit the Foundation's website
Bank of America
Bank of America is one of the world's largest financial institutions,
serving individual consumers, small and middle market businesses and large corporations with a full range of banking, investing,
asset management and other financial and risk-management products and services. The company provides unmatched convenience
in the United States, serving 33 million consumer relationships with more than 5,800 retail banking offices, more than 16,600
ATMs and award-winning online banking with more than 13 million active users. Bank of America is the No. 1 overall Small Business
Administration (SBA) lender in the United States and the No. 1 SBA lender to minority-owned small businesses. The company
serves clients in 150 countries and has relationships with 98% of the U.S. Fortune 500 companies and 85% of the Global Fortune
500. Bank of America Corporation stock is listed on the New York Stock Exchange.
Website: Website:
Gov. Henry Announces Oklahoma Providing Help
To Victims of Hurricane Katrina
Oklahoma City -- In the wake of Hurricane Katrina’s
path of destruction, Gov. Brad Henry said today that the State of Oklahoma is committing
resources and manpower to help hurricane victims in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.
“Oklahoma has made a pledge to help the Gulf States in any way we can while
emergency responders in that region continue to assess the terrible impact of Hurricane Katrina,” the Governor said.
“Oklahomans know all too well the fury unleashed by natural disaster, but we also know the importance of compassion, generosity and a shared commitment to overcome adversity. Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama as they seek to recover and rebuild from these deadly storms.”
As part of an interstate mutual-aid agreement, the Oklahoma Department of Emergency Management (OEM) continues
to receive requests for assistance related to Hurricane Katrina. Over the next 48 hours, the following resources will be dispatched
to the hurricane-ravaged areas:
The Oklahoma Military Department is sending 2 Blackhawk helicopters and 9
crew members to assist in water search and rescue operations.An OEM human services coordinator
will head to the storm-damaged region to assist with feeding, sheltering and volunteer and donation management issues. One aerial damage assessment team with the Oklahoma Civil Air
Patrol will help local, state and federal officials evaluate the damage to homes, businesses and infrastructure.
Three area foresters
of the Oklahoma Department of Agriculture, Food and Forestry are being dispatched to help clear
storm debris from roadways.
Gov. Henry said Oklahomans stand ready to provide further help.
“During this difficult and challenging period, I urge Oklahomans who want to help to consider monetary donations to a disaster-relief agency of their choice,
such as the American Red Cross, the Salvation Army or
any of the faith-based organizations,” he said.
“These agencies are working hard to help the victims of Hurricane Katrina, just as they have helped Oklahomans in our
times of crisis.”
If OEM receives additional resource requests through the Emergency Management Assistance Compact (EMAC), other resources of equipment, personnel and supplies might be sent to the affected areas in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama.
Under the EMAC, more than 200 Oklahomans came to the aid of Floridians following
last year’s hurricanes in that state.
Jackson,
MO
7-Year-Old Boy Has Generous
Heart
By: Amy Jacquin
Every once in a while, you
hear about someone doing something nice and it stands out in your mind. Here's a story about a 7-year-old boy with a very
generous heart. Most of us blow several dollars on lunch without even thinking about it. But to 7-year-old Brandon Simpher, $3 is "a lot of money!"
Brandon lives in Jackson and
like most boys his age, he likes fire trucks. "Because they make a lot of noise and they have really cool lights in the nighttime,"
he excitedly tells us.
He watched firefighters in
action when his neighbor's house caught fire last year. "They made me stand behind a line and they said the whole house might
blow up!" his eyes are bigger as he explains this. "They had to get more fire trucks from Cape."
He even dreams of becoming
a firefighter some day. "Yea, but I want to be a driver and not have to go inside! I just want to be a driver!" Those exciting images danced through Brandon's mind during a family dinner several weeks ago.
"We were watching the news
and he saw the Cape Fire Department," explains his Mother, Carmen Simpher. "They were saying they needed a new fire truck.
He said, I'm going to send them some of my money."
Unprovoked, this 7-year-old
boy dug into his wallet, pulled out 3 dollars, which he earned by doing chores and wrote a note to the Cape Fire Department.
His Mom helped only with the spelling and addressing the envelope.
"It's always a good help for
God, to give my money away," says Brandon. "The firemen really needed 3 dollars, to I just gave 3 dollars!"
"It was no nice to have someone
his age, to have such generosity and support, it was heart warming," adds interim Chief Mark Hasheider. "It brought a lot of smiles to fire fighter's faces." "You take
a child that young, that was a lot of money to him, probably!" laughs firefighter Billy Crump.
"If every person in Cape Girardeau
sent $3, it would be interesting to see what kind of money would be raised!" echoes firefighter Randy Sander.
Brandon enjoys sharing "thank
you's" received from the Cape fire department... Stickers, patches, pens and a letter. And while he's generous beyond his age it'll take a few years before he'll fit into a department tee-shirt.
"I'm very proud of Brandon," says his Mother. "He has a really good heart. And we thank God for such a sweet boy." For now, Brandon's happy to know his 3 dollars was deposited into the fire department account.
And as he puts a plastic fire
helmet on, our hat's off to such a compassionate young man.Cape actually has one new truck ordered, that
should arrive in a few weeks. Hasheider plans to invite Brandon over for an up-close inspection.
"Joy increases as you give it."-
Norman Vincent Peale
Being generous during the holidays is not just about giving gifts.
Diva reminds us to give of ourselves as well. Some examples of generosity from the heart are:
Shoveling someones snowy driveway
when you're finished with yours, or helping your neighbor inside with their groceries.
Donating your time to a nursing
home or shelter, or just spending more time with your parents and loved ones.
Offering to help a loved one
with a party or event.
Forgiveness - Forgiving people for past mistakes and hurts is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
Area opens its hearts, wallets for Katrina's victims The
Enid News & Eagle
Once again, northwest Oklahomans
are opening their hearts and their wallets, to help victims in the aftermath of a tragedy.
We've seen it before in recent
years, following the 1995 bombing of the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City, after the May 3, 1999 tornado outbreak that tore
through much of Oklahoma, in the aftermath of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C. and
in the wake of 3 hurricanes that ripped through Florida last fall.
When people are
in need, when people are hurting, the people of northwest Oklahoma respond.
Thus the response of area residents to
the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Katrina was no surprise.
Cars, pickups and vans lined
up bumper-to-bumper Saturday next to a truck parked at United Supermarket on West Garriott as people waited to donate water,
diapers, food or other necessities.
Three people from Enid's Central Christian Church
took tree-trimming supplies to Arkansas, from where the equipment would be sent to help aid with cleanup efforts in the Gulf
Coast region.
Students across the area touched by televised images of Katrina's victims
and evacuees are reaching out by organizing relief drives. Emerson Junior High School students have been collecting personal items to pack into relief kits.
Gilmour Elementary School
students in Kingfisher are collecting school supplies and books for children displaced by the storm. And these are just 2
examples of the generosity of area students, from grade school to college.
Enid already is home to some people who lost their homes thanks to Katrina and the Cimarron Valley
Chapter of the American Red Cross is ready to set up shelter for up to 125 more evacuees. Bill and Elizabeth Debo and their
family are ready to share their 4 bedroom home with 7 hurricane evacuees.
Area Christian
radio stations and bookstores are teaming up to collect gift cards for victims of Katrina. A medical team from Enid left late
last week to help provide medical care for evacuees at the Houston Astrodome.
Football
fans donated non-perishable items for Hurricane Katrina's victims at 3 area high school games last week. And, as always, northwest
Oklahomans are some of the most loyal blood donors in the state.
And the efforts
are ongoing. Banks, churches, businesses, civic clubs, schools and individuals continue to collect money, food, water, clothing
and other much-needed items for those whose lives were changed forever by Katrina.
The News - Eagle will continue to run a list of opportunities
to give to help our neighbors in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. And we know our readers will continue to respond.
Once again, when a need arises, the first question northwest Oklahomans have asked is, "what can we do?'
For the moment, you can pat yourselves on the back for your selfless generosity.
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Generosity
To generous souls every task is noble
(Euripides)
Life is exciting, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful. We're bound to run into difficulties and sure to get caught in storms. And when we do, we appreciate the extended arm of a friend, offering help.
Whatever form it takes, their generosity is like the sun breaking
thru a bank of black clouds. The only thing better than receiving generosity is offering
it to others.
If we can be instruments that banish gloom from others' lives, our own will be filled with purpose.
Generosity is the willingness to share freely with others. Generous people are happy because they're following nature. Just as it's the nature of the sun to nurture life, it's the nature of man to help those
in need.
Primitive man survived by sharing with his family and tribe the food brought back from the hunt.
The tradition of helping others is well recorded in the bible. For example, the following verses
reveal that it was the custom to help the poor 3,300 years ago,
"When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field to its
very border, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither
shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner."
Leviticus 19:9~10
Again, in Isaiah 58:10-11 it is written
"Feed the hungry! Help those in trouble! Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and
the darkness around you shall be as bright as day. And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good
things, and keep you healthy too; and you will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."
The above verses imply the second reason why generous people
are happy. When we freely give, we don't deplete our resources, but replenish them like an "ever-flowing spring."
The idea that the more we give, the more we'll receive is a common
theme in all religious traditions. And for good reason, it's based on common sense.
After all, the more people we help, the larger the reservoir of possible allies in our time of
need. The more people we lend a hand to, the greater our network of friends and willing assistants.
If we wish to live life to the fullest, we will be generous,
for as the Sanskrit Proverb says,
"He who allows his day to pass by without practicing generosity
and enjoying life's pleasures is like a blacksmith's bellows - he breathes but doesn't live."
What would you do if you won the lottery? If you're like most, chances
are you'd share a portion of your winnings with a charity. However, you don't have to be rich to be generous.
Take, Oseola McCarty, for example. She lived a modest life in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. This 6th
grade graduate worked as a washerwoman in the homes of the wealthy for 75 years.
Each time she was paid for washing and ironing a load of clothes, she put a small amount into
a savings account. When she was 89, she discovered she had accumulated $250,000. Believing she didn't need that much money, she gave $150,000 to the University of Southern Mississippi, setting up a fund to help needy African-American students.
True, when compared w/the BILLIONS of dollars donated
by some American philanthropists, Miss McCarty's contribution was small indeed. However, here's what Christ had to say about
the matter,
"And [Jesus] looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury. And He saw a certain
poor widow putting in two small copper coins. And He said, 'Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them;
for they all out of their surplus put into the offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she had to live on.'"
(Luke 21:1-4)
We can be a font of hope, a haven of peace, an oasis of joy. Neither do we have to travel far to practice generosity. We can begin at home by giving moral support to our parents, spouse, children and siblings.
We can then extend our generosity to the workplace, our community
and the world at large.
When we act generous before others,
we boost our ego, but when we're generous in secret, we elevate our soul. The greater the
generosity, the greater the joy experienced by both the giver and receiver. When do we offer "great" generosity?
It's when we give more than we imagine we can. Also, when we give what can't be replaced, we prove
that those in need have higher value than possessions.
Finally, when we're sensitive to the needs of others, we'll be more concerned with the timing of our gift than the size of it.
We're often the benefactors of the generosity
of others. Let's not forget to pass on the acts of kindness we receive. Or, as Henry Burton wrote:
"Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; 'twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on; Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another's tears,
Till in Heaven the deed appears, Pass it on."
© Chuck Gallozzi, gallozzi@interlog.com
"On Generosity"1
Translated by Donald Rutherford
Generosity, in the proper sense of the word, is the virtue which elevates us to do actions worthy of our kind, nature, descent, or origin, which is heavenly; for as St. Paul says, following a Greek poet whom he himself
cites, we are of the kind or race of God, who is the source of all minds.
Thus,
it's in this sense that it's fitting for all human beings to be generous and to act according
to the nobility of human nature, so as not to degenerate or to lower ourselves to the level of beasts. This has been very
well expressed in these verses of Boethius, the Roman senator:
We are all born
of the first rank
If we feel in ourselves our divine source2
Thus, generosity, which ordinarily signifies the virtue of true nobility, is taken generally for the virtue by which
we bring ourselves to do actions that are at once elevated and reasonable, for without the light of reason and justice, this elevation is only ambition and vanity.
It's necessary,
therefore, that the truly generous person show by his actions that he possesses perfections and virtues which are difficult to practice and which aren't encountered in common souls. He'll have the courage of Pompey, who, embarking on a pressing affair at the risk of a shipwreck, said to those who wanted him to turn back,
"It's necessary that
I go, it isn't necessary that I live."
He'll have the
moderation of Alexander, who seeing within his grasp the wife of Darius, perhaps the most beautiful woman in Asia, subordinated
his passion to his glory. As for justice, of which I shall speak shortly, he has a duty to display this above all in his actions.
The generous person must respect without exception certain maxims suited for regulating his conduct.
First, he must avoid all that is base and all that he wouldn't want known by everyone.
Second,
when he is in doubt as to what to do, he will opt for that course of action which appears to be the furthest from any hint of sin or injustice.
And just as he must act boldly when his comfort and even his life are at risk, so he must act cautiously when there's a danger of committing a crime and in this alone he must be timid.
Third,
he'll be suspicious of all that is most pleasurable and that the least man from the dregs of society, if he were in his place, would do as well
as him.
Fourth,
he'll be suspicious of all courses of action and all outcomes in which self-interest dominates and he must act on the basis of a nobler principle.
However, as false glory is often veiled by a mask that makes it resemble generosity, it's
necessary to consider that every action that goes against justice, that is, against the public good and in a word, all that
is contrary to virtue, isn't glorious.
All actions that
would be justly blamed and even punished if they didn't succeed and that chance alone can justify, are never glorious, whatever success they might have. On the contrary, every action that will be praised even if luck doesn't favor it, is worthy of the person who seeks true glory.
Indeed, one can
judge that the good we receive from glory lies only in our mind, for whoever is concerned with glory must never come to know himself from his fame; from which we can conclude that glory pleases us because it makes
us form a favorable opinion of ourselves through the testimony of others, who contribute to our satisfaction.
But if we know
that these people are mistaken and the conscience with which we are burdened forces us to confess inwardly our crimes and
imperfections, what part could we take in this satisfaction, what pleasure could we find in these vain appearances, while the inward bitterness that fills the mind is mixed with it?
It's for this reason
that one has always valued more highly the praise of a few excellent men than that of a crowd of feeling ignorant and vicious ones.
Above all, it's
necessary to be wary of actions which appear glorious to corrupt men, but which are in fact detestable, on account of the
evils they produce in the world, such as unjust and unnecessary wars, uprisings and all that leads to murders, fires and public
destruction, for all these things can never be excused, except when they serve to avoid greater evils.
It remains, then,
only to say something about justice, which is the soul of generosity. In the past this was
the occupation of heroes: to punish the wicked and to protect the innocent. And what's recognized as unjust will never pass as generous.
The principle of
justice is the good of society, or more precisely, the general good, for we're all part of the universal republic of which
God is the monarch and the great law established in this republic is to procure as much good as we can for the world. This is
certain, supposing there is a providence that governs all things, even though the springs of the mechanism are still hidden
from our eyes.
It's necessary,
therefore, to assume that the more good a man has done, or at least tried to do with all his power (for God, who knows intentions, takes a genuine volition for the effect itself), the more feeling happy he'll be and if he has done or even wanted to do great evils, he'll receive equally great punishments as a result.
Faith isn't needed to know this great maxim; it's enough to have common sense, for since in a complete or perfect body, such as, i.e., a plant or an animal, there's a marvelous structure that demands that the author of nature has concerned himself with it and regulated the least of its parts, by all the more reason, the greatest and most perfect of all bodies,
which is the universe and the most noble parts of the universe, which are souls, will not fail to be well ordered, although this order might not be manifest to us, as long as we can envision only a part of it - just
as seeing the pieces or fragments of some broken crystals of rock or of some disassembled artificial or natural machine, considered
apart from and outside of their whole, doesn't allow us to know the regular shape or design of the entire body.
We aren't born,
therefore, for ourselves but for the good of society, just as parts are for the whole and we must consider ourselves as only
instruments of God, albeit living and free instruments, capable of agreeing with him according to our choice. If we fail to do so, we are like monstrosities and our vices are like diseases in nature and without a doubt we are punished for them, so that the order of things may be redressed, just as we see that diseases weaken and that monstrosities are more
imperfect.
From this we can
judge that the principles of generosity are the same as those of justice or piety, whereas self-interest
and self-love, when it's badly regulated, are the principles of cowardice.
For, as I said
at the outset, generosity leads us to the author of our kind or being, that is, God, insofar as we are capable of imitating him. We must act, therefore, in conformity with the nature of God (who himself is the good of all creatures); we must follow his intention, which commands us to procure the common good, insofar as it depends on us, since charity and justice consist only in this.
We must respect the dignity of our nature, whose excellence consists in the perfection of the mind, or in the highest virtue. We must partake in the happiness of those around us, as in our own, seeking neither our pleasure nor our interest in what is contrary to the common happiness; and finally, we must consider what the public wants from us and what we ourselves would want if we were to occupy the place
of others, for this is like the voice of God and the mark of vocation.
But if we scorn
these great reasons of the public good for which we are made, by seeking our own advantage, particularly at the risk even of public misery, we couldn't be generous, whatever profession we might make of pursuing glory alone in
our actions and we couldn't even be feeling happy, whatever success our ventures might have, for the laws of the universe are inviolable and we must take it as demonstrated that there's no
crime that will not be punished in proportion to the evils it has caused or which we must judge it could cause.
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