I stumbled all over myself trying to apologize & explain at the same time. I had used that line on lots of people. But, I had never used it on anyone that might really have an inferiority complex.

I picked on the most assertive people I knew so that it would truly be a joke & not a put-down. This man was a go-getter, a pusher & a dynamic speaker. He was in great demand as a conference speaker around the nation.

So, what was this lady’s problem? I think she knew her husband more intimately than anyone else in the world. She knew about his hidden insecurities, his self-doubts & his many sleepless nights. She saw beyond his outward abrasiveness & his controlling ways. She knew a different man than any of us had ever seen. Later in life, some of his hidden problems came to the front in a public way. That’s when I realized why she'd been so defensive against what I thought was a flippant & harmless joke.

The point I’m trying to make is simply this: "When we compare ourselves w/others & insist on feeling inferior, we're fools."

A beautiful young housewife & mother of 5 came to me for help. She was in tears when she said, "Everybody else in the church seems to have it all together & I keep wondering what’s wrong w/me & why I can’t be like them."

I looked at her & started to laugh, I mean, really laugh. She felt a little put down, so I hurriedly explained. "If you only knew how many people I’ve talked to in the church & what their real problems are you'd never say that again."

I told her that many seemingly stable people have indescribable problems in their minds, in their families, on the job, in the church & in their past. I assured her that her little problems w/the kids & her husband were absolutely ‘minor’ compared to some of the stories I had heard earlier in the week.

Comparisons are a fool’s ballgame. If I'm allowed to do the comparing, I can make everyone in the world appear to be inferior. Look at this picture w/me. A computer calls up the names of 20 people. They're all lawyers, doctors, ministers, bankers & high-ranking corporate executives.

They're all escorted into a huge room filled w/barber chairs. Twenty pedestrians are pulled in off the street & paid to be part of this experiment They sit quietly in their chairs, while someone tells the professional people that they're the ones who'll be giving the haircuts today.

Can you imagine what happens next? Try! Go ahead, try. Can’t you just see all those confident, self-assertive people stammering & stuttering in frustration as they object to the whole thing?

Listen while this choir of insecure people begin to sing, "I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I don’t know how. I’ve never done that before. I’m not going to do it. This is absurd."

Watch while the proudest one of all loses his temper. He refuses to be subjected to such humiliation. He is ‘afraid of failure’. He is afraid that a mere dentist will do a better job than he will. He doesn’t want to compete.

He backs up all over himself trying to get out of that place.

We know the lawyer could feel inferior around the barber, but he should be all right when he gets back to his office, right? But, that’s not always the case.

A good lawyer can allow himself to feel inferior around a "Perry Mason" type of celebrated lawyer. He can feel inferior when another aggressive lawyer puts him down. He can make himself feel inferior just because he loses one lousy case.

Inferiority also thrives in perfectionism. People who are perfectionists can often excel far beyond others in many realms. But, there's always one problem...they're never good enough for themselves.

A subtle form of insecurity rides them like a cowboy rides a bronc. It just won’t let them go.

Even riches can't erase inferiority. Howard Hughes, one of the richest men in history, was full of fears & insecurity. Some of the poorest men in our nation had more courage & self-confidence than he. Thousands of blind, deaf & crippled people were more mentally well-adjusted than Mr. Hughes.

Outward bravado is often a cover-up for inward distress. Anger & violence often erupt from those who feel terribly inadequate in some area of their life. Such people often say mean & hurtful things. They accuse others of being ugly, stupid, weak, sinful & inferior.

But, what’s really happening is that they're struggling w/their own self-condemnation & frustrations. They can’t feel good about themselves & they have to try to bring others down to the level of their own mentality.

No, they're not fully aware of why they do the things they do. They just do them.

If you happen to see yourself in some of these illustrations, don’t feel condemned. My words aren’t meant to be used as a ‘put-down’. I’m not trying to put you on the defensive. I’m not trying to increase your sense of inferiority or strengthen your insecurity.

Gentle truth, applied in kindness, will set us free. It produces healing effects in the lives of those who are willing to accept the truth & do something good w/it.

...Besides that, I'm trying to become better & even if I’m not the best, I’m still a good dad & a good husband. I’m not going to promise you that I’m going to change the things that are bothering you now, but I am promising you that I’M GOING TO TRY! ....

Just give me a little time & space while I work on those things. I think I can become an even better dad & a better husband."

On that day, my tendency to accept an unreasonable sense of inferiority died. I was determined to bury that negative liability forever. If a person gives in to that mentality it causes him to give up & quit trying.

It erodes our everyday happiness & our sense of well-being. It tears the bricks out of the building we're trying to build. It undermines all of the confidence we could have & eats away at our courage to face the challenges of life.

Women who compare their figures w/‘cover girl pictures’ are unwise. Life isn't all about a pretty face or a slender figure. Good mothers come in all shapes & sizes. Women w/wrinkles & face blemishes are sometimes excellent wives.

Husbands who don’t talk much are often more faithful to their wife & family than the outgoing ‘Don Juan of Romance’. No one can excel in every area of life. The brain surgeon may tinker around w/the intricate parts of persons brain & still be a total dummy when it comes to tinkering w/a car motor.

Everybody has gifts & abilities hidden deep within them. If you haven’t yet found your ‘niche’ in life & haven’t discovered your full potential, keep looking, searching & trying. Learn to live w/ limitations which you truly & absolutely can't change.

But, dare to press past your fears in other areas of limitation.

You may have lived around someone who constantly makes you feel like everything you do is wrong. If you keep accepting their assessments of your life, you'll get nowhere.

Don’t believe all the garbage that others try to lay on you. Break free from that mold.

I took a job as an electrician’s helper. I'd never worked w/electricity in my life. I started out digging ditches & running errands. I was razzed mercilessly for my ignorance & for my ‘inferior status’ among the rest of the crew. I ate that stuff like corn flakes for a while & thought of myself as a dummy.

But, something in me finally rebelled. If I didn’t want to feel inferior to those guys, I didn’t have to.

One day, the master electrician was fuming & raging, asking who had made a certain mistake. All the little helpers started to hang their heads & I cheerfully piped up, "I’ll take the blame!" The man glowered at me & asked, "Did you do it?" I laughed & said, "No, but I’ll take the blame.

I can handle it!" It felt good to stand up to that guy. It felt good not to act like a whipped pup in front of an angry master.

Later in the day, I got to thinking. If I could have such a good, clean reaction to something that wasn’t my fault, why couldn’t I also just as freely accept the blame when it was my mistake?" I began to experiment.

From then on, when they asked if I had made a certain mistake, I would raise my head up, square my shoulders & say, "Yep! I sure did! But, that’s just because I’m an ignorant, ditch-digging electrician’s helper.

Now, if someone would give me a different title, I’d be glad to quit making such dumb mistakes."

They began to get the picture. I wasn't making mistakes on purpose, but I wasn’t going to crawl on my belly every time they accused me of doing something wrong.

Every time the boss put me down, I would put myself down even worse. That took all the fun out of it for him. He finally shut up & never razzed me again. I never did want to be an electrician, a mechanic, or a carpenter. But, that doesn’t mean I’m inferior to them.

Just because I can speak in public & put words together on paper doesn’t make them inferior to me.

I’m only 5 foot 6 inches tall. Is that any reason to feel inferior to tall people? No way. That’s something I didn’t choose for myself & something I can’t change. There will always be people who are different than me. It doesn’t mean they're better than me or that I’m better than them.

We are who we are & none of us have to keep feelings that we don’t want to have. We can at least improve that part of ourselves & live a more peaceful & contented life.

Work w/ yourself. Be patient w/ yourself. Be patient w/others. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Let them be less than perfect w/out criticizing them. What goes around - comes around.

Don’t despise anyone. Be tolerant of yourself as well as others. When the time is right, reach for the next rung of improvement. If you can’t latch onto it right away, keep stretching until you can. Each little success will encourage you & make you stronger.

LEARN TO BUILD YOUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM!