  
The Art of Being
One's Tai Chi isn't just about
the acquisition of forms & techniques. It's about settling into process -- it's about "being."
The "art" of being in one's
Tai Chi is the art of knowing one's Tai Chi deeply & of knowing oneself. It's accepting oneself & existing in harmony w/oneself... & of living out in action the highest possibilities of one's inner nature.
The art of being includes 3 basic concepts: self-awareness, self-acceptance & self-assertion.
Self-awareness begins w/learning to be more conscious of one's feelings, ideas & emotions. There is a difference between really experiencing an emotion or feeling personally - inwardly - & merely naming it to ourselves - & this difference is profound. One must learn to feel deeply into one's true nature to have self-awareness. When one has self-awareness one's Tai Chi & one's life can gain authenticity.
Self-acceptance is one's refusal to be an adversarial relationship to oneself. Self-acceptance is to accept & be comfortable w/the reality of what & how one is. It doesn't mean ceasing to strive for improvement but accepting what one is while in the process of improvement. When one has self-acceptance, one can relax more deeply into the present, into the necessities of the Tai Chi form & into life. With self-acceptance one takes life less as something ominous & serious & sees it in perspective... & w/a sense of humor.
Self-assertion brings one further into reality as one expresses one's inner life in words & actions. Self-assertion means that one honors one's own needs, that one honors one's own judgments & that one honors one's own values.
Self-assertion is recognizing that a successful life calls for translating oneself into action w/integrity. With self-assertion one is ready to assume responsibility & the consequences of that responsibility & one begins to truly do one's Tai Chi for oneself...from the heart.
Attitude & Flexibility
Attitudes are the stances one takes in life, the perceptual filters thru which one gives meaning & understanding to all of one's experiences - & to one's Tai Chi. If one believes that one is a caring & cared for individual who belongs in the world & who has a right to happiness, one's reactions to the vicissitudes of life will be quite different than if one feels one is uncaring, uncared for & isolated. One' attitude is a direct reflection of one's basic inner state of consciousness. It shows in
one's life & in one's Tai Chi.
Negative, inflexible & rigid attitudes such as pessimism, cynicism & hurrying decrease one's ability to cope w/the stresses of life & ultimately lead to discomfort & disease. Flexibility
is an essential quality inherent in all capable & empowered attitudes. Among other things, flexibility includes the capacity for spontaneousness, forgiveness, relaxation, non-possessiveness, humility, faith, hope & enjoyment.
To be flexible is an essential aspect of Tai Chi. It's to be able - & willing - to bend like a soft branch in
the wind - to adapt to difficulty & change. It's the ability to accept reality as it is, while changing what one can.
Ultimately, flexibility in body, mind & spirit promotes both health & healing. A healthy mind means a healthy body
just as much as a healthy body promotes a healthy mind. It's almost that simple.
Since change is constant, stress is a given in life. The real question then is how one will respond to stress. One of the greatest discoveries any person can make is that they can alter their lives by altering their inner attitude.
The Body
The body is limited. Yet, contrary to what some people might think, therein lies is power & strength. To accept the limits of the body is to achieve something wonderful. Accepting the body is making friends w/its limits.
To make friends
w/the limits of the body is the beginning of groundedness & knowing groundedness is the source which keeps one from becoming overly
ethereal & insubstantial. In Tai Chi we need to know the substantial & the insubstantial.
The mind has difficulty being
real when it doesn't see & respect its connection to the body. To seek to separate from the body is to close down the feelings, sensations & wonders which arise from one's accepting of & sensitivity to the corporeal world.
To lose touch w/the body is
to fall into a limited world. Such a state is inappropriate to the situation of life. In Tai Chi we move the body. We become sensitive to the body. The body gives us important feedback about what our mind & inner feelings are doing. In Tai Chi the body is our connection to the mind.
The body is a wall, but so
is the mind. To recognize the parameters of each is to begin to recognize their individual & joined potential; it is also seeing the wonder of nature's vastness.
The body is our voice in Tai
Chi. It's our mode of communication. To become estranged from the body is to limit our mind for in the end the two are connected. When one limits one's acceptance of the body one also limits one's capacity in the world.
Awareness is the result of a fluid connection between mind & body - & one can only have fluid connection when one accepts both mind & body deeply.
The Tai Chi practitioner who
opens to the wonders of the body can also open to the marvels of non-ego -- for the body is w/out such surfacy agendas as superiority &
status. A person who opens this gateless gate of the body opens to perhaps the only thing we as human beings can know that is truly transpersonal.
Accepting the world of the body is knowing the cosmos w/out egotism - for the world of the body is neutral & impartial. Accepting it as it exists is acceptance of the universe - from there one can find the great transformation to impartiality & therefore full potential.
When the Tai Chi practitioner
lives at ease w/the body & mind as one, accepting the body & its limitations fully, accepting the mind, they can delve deeply into the ways the body & mind work together. If one eschews the body & seeks only
mind, one tends to disconnect from the body & its sensations.
People who follow such a path
may say the body is evil or wicked or some other such fantasy. But that is all it is: fantasy. If one wishes to know reality
one must accept & respect the body.
From the body comes such wonders
as sensitivity, caring, appropriateness, compassion, empathy, patience, honesty & humility, ecstasy, sharing & tenderness.
Centeredness
Are your days
balanced? Do you apply the principles of your Tai Chi to your life outside of Tai Chi practice? Do you allow enough time for exercise,
renewal, communion w/nature & cultivating your spirit, or are you too bogged down w/work or rushing here & there?
Ask yourself how
much of the rushing is truly necessary? What difference does it make to rush out to the car when taking a small trip to the
store? Why not slow down & take an extra minute or two? What difference does it really make if you hurry like mad when
going to work?
Why not slow down
& enjoy the world around you? Why not use the principles of Tai Chi to raise your consciousness & relax your spirit. It could mean the difference between having peace of mind & being a bewildering mass of stress & confusion...between health & non-health.
Sometimes one loses one's
center of calmness & simplicity when one gets caught up in a flurry of daily activities that leave no time to catch one's inner breath of
calmness. When one does this, all too often one's schedule clashes w/one's inner more natural rhythms.
One feels stressed... & loses touch w/the reason why. One becomes out of sync w/one's own inner sense of peace & calm, often for long periods of time - some people forever.
Of course, those who practice
Tai Chi regularly can maintain their center easier, since they make connection each time they practice. But, what about those who practice only once a week at class, or sporadically? How is keeping one's
centeredness for them?
What is more important than one's peace of mind...than maintaining one's center of inner peace - one's sense of well-being? Isn't one's health & well-being more important than all one's needless hurrying & scurrying?
All that's needed is that one take some time to stay in touch w/that center of relaxation. Daily Tai Chi practice can help. Yet, sporadic practice does very little in most cases. Remember, if one wants to get the
benefits of eating one must eat...if one wants to get the benefits of Tai Chi one must practice.
If one has a hard time slowing
one's mental & physical hurrying & scurrying, perhaps the best course is to set aside a some time every day to find
one's center & relax?
Isn't one's psychological
health as important as anything else in one's life? In fact, doesn't the quality of all the other things depend on the quality of centeredness & calm one has within?
Comfort
Comfort is very important in the Tai Chi process. Going at one's own natural pace, slowly & evenly, is necessary in order to reach the depths.
One must overcome
the habit of coming from bursts of energy, from hysterical & out-of-control states of mind. One aspect of knowing the depths of Tai chi is knowing tranquility & ease - about living inside of comfort - not just touching comfort occasionally.
Achieving Tai
Chi is when one has achieved "comfortableness" & can act w/non-hysterical energy as one's inner source & place of guidance. Living inside a frantic & erratic attitude isn't suitable - & not comfortable.
It's dangerous
in terms of one's health. Yet, one must first see that one is living inside discomfort, then one can find the path of moving
beyond that discomfort. This isn't so easy since much of the time, many of the things one feels as safe & valuable are the very things which are causing the very discomfort one feels within.
One of the biggest secrets of life is taught by the Tai Chi process - the
procedure of "gradual & slow mutation". "Gradual & slow mutation" refers to the way we as human beings change over time. It is such a slow & gradual way that we ourselves rarely even notice the changes that take place.
When this happens, we grow accustomed to new energies, to changed mind-sets,
even if they're inappropriate or destructive.
Sometimes it takes a major intrusion in our life, some sort
of shock, to make us aware of the adaptions needed. Even then, we often don't want to believe, because we have so much of a vested interest in what we have become.
The process of
self-cultivation which Tai Chi offers can help us to see the need for adaptation & adjustment & to do some housecleaning. If we practice on a regular basis, we can become more &
more aware of our own discomfort - & comfort - & follow the proper & appropriate path to an empowered, comfortable & healthy mind / body state.
Compulsiveness
Breaking free from compulsiveness & the stress that it evokes is also breaking free from preoccupation w/the future & the past. One of Tai Chi's main positive attributes is that it offers a format for dealing w/such concerns.
Such
breaking free demands that one be aware of what one is doing - what one is feeling, in the present moment. In practicing the Tai Chi form one concentrates deeply, working on the details of the postures, the movements & the
energies. Doing this helps to bring one into the present & all other concerns can drop away.
Tai Chi helps one
break free from compulsiveness because it requires that one move smoothly & slowly, settling into
the movements deeply.
This process helps
one see what "slowing down" is comprised of. It provides a comparison point by which one can see the ways one rushes thru
one's days in perpetual pursuit of moments that may never arrive. It brings up issues of "real-ness" & of "personal satisfaction" & guides one to rediscover the actual & existent situation in one's being & in one's life.
If one is truly
observant & takes initiative in implementing the principles of settling into the moment, one can bring higher qualities to one's life & overcome much of the difficulties which arise from negative attributes such as compulsiveness.
Deeper Groundedness
In Tai Chi one must come to recognize the importance of being grounded & connected to the earth, w/balance & solidity in one's steps. Yet, there's a deeper kind of groundedness that's also important. Don't forget that there's a groundedness that has power over fantasies & illusions.
When
studying Tai Chi it is good if one can trust this other groundedness to carry one beyond fantasies & illusions. This other groundedness has to do w/knowing the earth,
but much more, for to obtain the truth which Tai Chi can give one must renounce illusions & see truth. The end of fantasy is the beginning of peace & tranquility, for then one begins to truly see oneself & one's practice.
Every fantasy one holds about
Tai Chi is diversion from truth & each diversion from truth, whether positive or negative, deprives one of the security & tranquility which truth offers. To lift the veil of fantasy, one only needs to value truth over fantasy.
Doing so takes one toward
comfort for every fantasy belief or illusion one holds, whether one realizes it or not, carries discomfort. One's inner being, that part which comes from
the natural source, knows the difference.
Any illusion cherished &
defended above the truth creates a fog which dulls one's vision. In Tai Chi this fog keeps one from the depths. To perpetuate illusion about what
is outside is to perpetuate illusion about oneself.
Holding fantasies about oneself
keeps one from true seeing of what is outside, for the two are co-joined & interactive. Until one knows, accepts & respects truth one can't realize the advance it has over fantasy.
To attain truth, one must trust that it's the way, strip away all fantasy, then accept what remains. This requires that one see directly from one's own eyes - not thru the eyes of a master or some external doctrine
or dogma. It requires that one let go of any egotism or personal agendas which would color reality. One must know one's purpose, for there can many more than
one, then from that purpose the truth can emerge.
Seeing truth requires that one move beyond words, definitions & concepts that one has lived w/all one's life. In a millionth of a
second of complete absolute freedom a vast gateway can open that allows one can see the boundless objective impartiality of truth.
With illusion there's the
specter of doubt & fear; knowing beyond illusion eradicates doubt & fear. Without illusion there is no discomfort - simply clarity & peace.
The driving force of illusion
is a closed & narrow mind. Groundedness is truth & truth is the stabilizing force of reality. True Tai Chi begins when one finds this kind of groundedness - when one accepts truth.
Diligent Practice
If one practices
one's Tai Chi diligently, one can naturally reach a point where one isn't startled by thunder so powerful it could split a mountain...upset by lightning so sharp it could pierce to the center of the earth.
If one practices one's Tai
Chi diligently, one can come to see that fame & fortune are fleeting, that external judgments are shallow & that living w/quality, caring & integrity is what truly counts.
When one practices one's Tai
Chi diligently, one comes to see that when the will & intention are exercised undividedly, then the spirit becomes raised up & solidified - & the intangible subtlety of the mind
becomes profound.
When one practices one's Tai
Chi diligently, one can learn how to overcome all obstacles, great & small - & find that which is the source &
foundation of all existence.
Discomfort
Sooner or later
everyone who practices Tai Chi, if they wish to reach the depths, must engage their own discomfort. It's rare, indeed impossible,
for anyone to be w/out discomfort. It's part of the human condition.
If we are largely
w/out it one day, we may have plenty at another time. Discomfort comes & goes, waxing & waning like the tide. It's
natural. Some discomfort remains constant, or returns again & again. This is the discomfort Tai Chi seeks to address.
Such discomfort is a signal
that one has misunderstood reality. Discomfort of this order is a signal that one has given up one's own natural & inherent power. When one lives in discomfort, it can be a sign that one is trying to hold life in place -- insisting that life conform to
one's own personal expectation that happiness be found where you insist it is...in contention; in manipulation; in grasping; in impatience; in dishonesty; in cleverness; in narrow-mindedness; in insensitivity; in distrust; in inappropriateness.
Recognizing discomfort is sometimes easy. It slaps us in the face w/great obviousness. However, sometimes seeing it isn't so easy. Sometimes
we may think we are comfortable, yet are actually still living inside discomfort. Seeing one's own discomfort sometimes takes great scrutiny & persistence.
In Tai Chi, one can find signs
of discomfort in both the body & the mind. At times the body tells us before the mind, at other times the mind's insistence
brings light to bodily insensitivity. Yet, the signs are there, if one is willing to listen if one is willing to accept.
Dissatisfaction is a sign of discomfort -- it accepts unhappiness. Depression is a sign of discomfort - it asserts that nothing has value. Tension is a sign of discomfort -- it asserts a constriction on life.
Lack of caring is a sign of discomfort -- it accepts separateness. Guilt is a sign of discomfort -- it asks for punishment. Powerlessness is a sign of discomfort -- it asserts the fear of control. A frantic mind is a sign of discomfort -- it accepts speed & confusion. Irritation is a sign of discomfort -- it accepts lack of ease.
Only one's own attitude can produce these things. All discomfort stems from a loss of what is natural, honest & compassionate. All discomfort stems from imbalance & estrangement.
Ego &
Egotism
When one does
one's tai chi it's good to be clear about the concept of ego. While many people think of the ego as a negative force, in fact, it is actually a positive thing. It's having & overly-inflated "ego" or "egotism," which isn't good. There's a difference.
The fact is that a healthy
ego is a source of empowerment when one practices their Tai Chi, while egotism, which is having an unhealthy ego, creates many difficulties. When one accepts oneself & has a healthy ego one can accept their strengths & capabilities & use those strengths & capabilities toward a good end.
When one has a healthy ego one can do one's Tai Chi w/confidence & implement the principles of Tai Chi from a base of clarity. One's unhealthy ego, however, overstates a person's power & misuses a person's real inner identity, confusing it w/fantasies & illusions of one's own importance.
When one has a positive & healthy ego one knows control & confidence - simplicity & wisdom. One doesn't need to be afraid of a healthy ego. A healthy ego makes it possible for a person to use them self. It gives one the strength to take on responsibility, personal assertiveness & authority in life. The healthy ego is a natural power. It is a positive force which one can use w/out fear.
However, when one's inner
essence is egotistical one is in an unhealthy state. When one is caught up in egotistical behavior one is grasping & forcing
- not following the principles of Tai Chi.
This happens when one invests
too much into their own way; when egotism is one's fountainhead one is in an unbalanced position of having arrogance & using over-control & manipulation. When one is in the unhealthy state of being egotistical one is acting aloof & against the universe. One become a know-it-all
& one's mind becomes closed to growth.
One's surfacy external
side may find such a position attractive at first - because it seems to offer strength - but, in reality, such a mind-set
makes one a slave, distancing the individual from life & people.
By seeking too much
power, egotism creates an attitude which is gross & hungry. It takes one too far - to where one is burdened w/power instead of being able to use one's own personal strengths in humane & appropriate ways.
For some people, letting egotism
rule is often being stuck in judgementalness. When they do this they think of their way of doing Tai Chi as the only way, judging all other approaches to Tai Chi as wrong. In a healthy ego, on the other hand, one is able to function w/out judging.
Such an
attitude accepts one's own particular way as the way that person prefers, while at the same time seeing other ways just what they are..."other"
ways. With a healthy ego one can know calm inner stillness & even learn from other methods & approaches.
With a healthy ego one
can be responsive, free-flowing & w/out the contentiousness which an egotistical mind always engenders. Egotism offers the petty gift of illusionary
authority, while a healthy ego offers me the treasures of truth, poise & sharing.
Facade
Those practicing
Tai Chi who come from surface & facade will generally have a vital spirit which is scattered. Such people's intellectual
ruminations ramble & they can't govern themselves. Their understanding of the inner principles of Tai Chi is weak.
They don't look
deeply enough, tending to skim the surface of the philosophical & meditation concepts or just focus on the fighting aspects.
However, when
sincerity & integrity are used, when one is founded on direct knowledge & on open impartiality, one's spiritual energy can be great & one
can know deeper reality.
In such a case,
one is capable of looking at all sides of one's Tai Chi practice...the philosophical, the meditative & the martial.
The path in opposition to
this more well founded way is when one depends solely on external guidance for direction. When this is the case, it's difficult
for the practitioner of Tai Chi to know the real.
When such people are only
influenced by others & purely by historical doctrine & dogma, they're acting from the surface. This is known as "not
truly knowing" the real, "partial knowledge", or "surface knowledge". Their Tai Chi will be based on others knowledge &
will hence always be shallow.
The sincerity of more highly developed people is clear & comes from the inner. Such people think & speak in ways which reflect reality; they give advice in ways which clarifies inner
truth. They investigate the classic Tai Chi principles & practice their own Tai Chi & in ways which are in direct accord
w/their inner senses & w/the reality they experience for themselves.
They're not afraid to question existing dogma & aren't afraid to accept it. They're open to the truth & verify all concepts thru themselves, w/their own experience.
When virtue is from the inner
it can plumb the depths.
Actions caused by a
pure heart are like the life-giving influence of clear spring air.
A Good Workout
A good Tai Chi
workout is one that's appropriate. It attends to the needs of the body, the needs of the mind & the needs of the spirit. When one has a good practice, one vitalizes the body, one activates & stimulates the mind & one raises
the spirit.
A good workout circulates
energy naturally & vigorously w/out over-stressing the body or over-straining the mind. A good workout clears out stagnancy & dissipates negative inertia. A good workout creates openness, vitality & fluidity.
You know you've had a good
workout when you feel exuberant & cleansed afterward; when both the mind & body
feel alive & free of blockages. You know you've had a good workout when, during your workout, you've challenged the body & the mind & yet not discouraged it.
You know you've had a good
workout when the air all around seems light & buoyant & the body has a sense of ease while at the same time being
rooted to the earth.
You know you've had a good
workout when there's no doubt - no doubt that you've just exercised, that you've done enough, that you have just affected the body & the body.
You know you've had
a good workout when it takes you away for a while. When you forget time, place & petty concerns & become the exercise completely. After a good workout you realize that you've been away in another world - a world of
total concentration & mindfulness - a world of wholeness & unity.
A good workout is balanced. It realigns the edges of one's soul & integrity. It joins one to that split off part of oneself & reaffirms the whole. A good workout unites oneself w/the completion & beauty yearned for deep inside. It touches the healthy aggregate one knows one is but too often misses.
A good workout gives the body
what it needs to be vital, alive & healthy. A good workout satisfies one's craving for substance. A good workout offers one's spirit a chance to soar.
Great Attainment
Be positive & the spirit isn't burdened. Consider the myriad things as one simplicity & the mind isn't confused. Consider life as wondrous, w/all people as peers & the intellect isn't afraid. Consider changes as sameness & clarity isn't obscured.
The principles of Tai Chi
rest on a pillar that can't be shaken, come from a path that can't be blocked, are endowed from a resource that can never
be exhausted & are empowered from a teacher that never dies.
Tai Chi practitioners who
know & follow the source of the principles make success in whatever they undertake & arrive at a destination where ever they go.
What is this pillar that can't
be shaken, this road that can't be blocked, this resource that can't be exhausted & this teacher that never dies? It's
the Tao, the gateless way - the path of inner essence.
When the principles of the
Tao are the principle behind one's Tai Chi, one can proceed easily & naturally, w/assurance & w/out confusion.
Those who let their Tai Chi
act in tune w/these principles know optimism & positivity. Such people can use humanism & aren't threatened by status. They can be corrected by integrity & aren't influenced by false masters. They may die for truth, freedom & caring & consider egotistical power as unworthy.
Rank, power & wealth are things some people crave, a mind which follows the inner principles knows that compared to health, tranquility & a positive spirit, such things are petty & insignificant.
Tai Chi people strive to be
developed people & therefore act to manage the energy of their body, mind & spirit; they adjust to conditions &
refuse excess; they don't seek gain & don't grasp possessively at anything they have or know.
Such people clarify their
inner vision & strive to look beyond the surface. They don't speak needlessly or out of sync w/the time. They let their minds relax & don't intellectualize too much. They rest their spirit & let go of ideas of being clever. They're open & clear.
This is called great attainment
of inner principle.
Implementing the Principles
It's one thing to understand the principles & concepts of one's Tai Chi intellectually - & another to put those principles into practice. If one
doesn't put the principles into practice, there's no way for one's Tai Chi to mature.
If the principles
are just something understood w/the mind, no matter how well one can explain them w/words, then the principles of the art are just in the mind & not
in the body.
When one's Tai
Chi isn't using the principles in both the body & the mind, it's incomplete. Just as when one is hungry, one needs to actually eat food instead of just talk about it - in learning one's Tai Chi, one must both apply the principles &
understand the principles, getting them into the whole being - body & mind. This requires diligent practice.
When one practices, one must
strive to implement the principles as clearly as possible, not just go thru the motions. Just practicing w/out applying the
principles accomplishes little - but applying the principles of Tai Chi in practice, always yields deeper, more profound results.
When one assiduously implements
the principles, one touches domains which are about quality, nobility & essence. Implementing the principles w/vitality
& sincerity makes one's Tai Chi about self-cultivation & empowerment &
raises the caliber of the endeavor to a higher level.
Implementing the principles
makes one's Tai Chi a spiritual quest & an event which develops one beyond simply bodily strength, coordination &
stamina. implementing the principles makes the endeavor an "art" & brings zest & character into play.
One can't just go thru one's
movements sloppily w/little care. One must pay attention, focus the mind & body together & be deeply conscious. One must apply oneself w/every
fiber of one's being, instead of being only partially involved.
One must raise the spirit.
implementing the principles can expand one's being, raise one's consciousness, give purpose & take one to new & higher
levels of existence.
Practice well. Practice...&
implement the principles.
Intellectualism &
Cleverness
Those who intellectualize about their Tai Chi sometimes
forget that intellectualism isn't the ultimate way...that one can intellectualize too much, to the point of becoming unbalanced.
Intellectualization
is thinking about knowledge & knowledge comes from the inner source - the fundamental essence. The overly "learned" are those who
grasp onto "learnedness" as the only way; they become "clever".
Such people come
to the same impasse again & again. They forget the source & lose the real inner elixir of nature. It's better to put
an end to over-intellectualization & embrace balance.
Balance is the origin & anchor for all. When the mind is disconnected from the perspective of balance, likes & dislikes arise. When such likes & dislikes arise, "real knowledge" is seen thru a distorted perspective
& the natural celestial design is destroyed.
Therefore practitioners of
Tai Chi who wish their Tai Chi to reach its ultimate don't replace the celestial by distorted human biases & personal
preference. They balance their intellectualization w/ connection to & action in the real world. Outwardly they evolve, yet inwardly they don't lose the true state. They remain rooted
to the earth & test their theories in the manifest world.
Those who know the inner state
that is beyond just intellectualization alone are w/out contrivance. They nurture intelligence by calmness & remember that intellectualization w/out groundedness in the real world is false.
They unify the spirit thru
positivity & find reality in relation to actuality. They know that it's important to test intellectual theory by doing.
Some people blindly intellectualize
on written dogma or the dogma of celebrated masters. When such people act w/out testing the theories in the real world, they're
guided from w/out; they mix w/the gross & coarse world which is founded on something other than on their own real knowledge.
They forget that all intellectual
knowledge if it's to have validity must correspond to how the real world works & that all dogma & knowledge from masters
must be tested & verified thru one's own experience.
Therefore, it's best if practitioners
of Tai Chi who wish to plumb the depths & reach their maximum potential don't let theory & dogma obscure the true
& don't let intellectualization w/out rootedness in "real world" actuality create misperception.
One must follow what's appropriate
w/out scheming, learn w/out manipulation & achieve knowledge within the context of balancing intellectual concepts w/the real world experience.
Inmost Essence
Having clarity & raising the spirit is the attainment of the inmost essence. When practicing Tai Chi it's good to realize the inmost
essence, then one's inner sense can be calm, one's thoughts can be even, one's eyes & ears can be lucid & one's sinews & bones can be w/out blockage.
To attain Tai
Chi of such a level is masterful. One who can do this is firm & strong yet never contentious or overpowering. Such a person
isn't overly excessive in anything, nor are they lacking in anything.
All things have a source --
only original essence is the deepest source. Actions & thoughts disconnected from the source lead to misconception; only original essence is the way to non-illusion.
Therefore practitioners of
Tai Chi who understand bring their Tai Chi to life. They carry out their business according to the times & accomplish works according to the resources available. They keep to the way of positivity & are faithful to the principles of the natural inmost essence.
Because they know the source,
they can go along & respond to changes easily; they don't rush about compulsively. Such
people are flexible, yielding & calm. Such people are peaceful, easygoing & inwardly secure.
Practitioners of Tai Chi,
indeed anyone, who relies on closemindedness, contention & duality for stability & empowerment will be lost; those
who rely on openness, caring & wholeness can know the peace & satisfaction of inmost essence.
Inner Sincerity
When pure sincerity forms within, it shows in one's demeanor & can be outwardly realized in people's hearts. It brings clarity & genuineness to one's Tai Chi. Such a path of sincerity isn't visible in words, but informs one's actions & spirit.
The correspondence between
one's spirit & one's inner energy is direct. This correspondence might be called "unspoken explanation", "unarticulated
guidance", an " inner means". When one has clear & explicit sincerity within, one's spirit is honest & full & these qualities bring authority to one's outward actions & to one's thoughts.
When one strives to develop
oneself one doesn't take wantonly & selfishly & doesn't seek w/a quality of forcefulness; one can respond w/out concealing anything & w/out contrivance.
When one acts in this manner,
one is in agreement w/universal harmony & so can be calm & serene; one can roam freely in both the inner & outer dimensions & one's Tai Chi can be deep. When one never leaves the bottomless fundamental source of all things, this can be called great communion.
Such a way is called being
developed & self-cultivating, but to one who practices it, it's
simply natural; such a person rests in non-grasping & their Tai Chi evolves easily & constantly. When one can do this
they may seem inexpert & unknowing, but can plumb the depths.
They may seem distant & oblivious, but they don't miss a thing. When they can found their being w/sincerity, that sincerity lends firmness & indestructible sincerity to all they do.
Living,Working &
Practicing w/caring
True & deep
success means something much deeper than making money & obtaining material possessions. One's Tai Chi is the same way. Achievement
doesn't come from what one owns - from what one does - but from what one is within.
This is a truism,
but it's also the truth. It's a real life fact. One's sense of achievement & success in life - & in Tai Chi - are both only genuine when they come from within. Achievement is only authentic when it is based on one's inner life. If it doesn't come from within,
but from w/out, accomplishment tends to be lacking; it tends to be surfacy & shallow - a foundation built on insubstantiality.
Satisfaction & true success is going to sleep at night knowing that the talents & abilities one has cultivated or used during the day were or could
be used in a way that will bring happiness & positivity to the world & caring & kindness to others. These are worthy goals. They mean putting caring & kindness first... in everything one does - in business, as well as in everything else.
Bringing caring & kindness to business is especially important since such qualities are so often not brought to in that arena. One's restaurant could spread caring; one's agency could spread caring; one's business letters could have humanity. Indeed, in any endeavor, one is working at a higher level when that enterprise
is an extension of one's inner life - when humanity & caring are used.
Any career can be a vehicle
for spreading positivity & kindness. No business - no situation - is outside the domain of thoughtful caring interaction. When one's Tai Chi practice can have caring & kindness it's known as softness.
Of course, it's important to do what one loves...to do what makes one's heart sing. If one's job isn't in line w/what makes one's heart sing, make it in line; if one's
Tai Chi doesn't have those qualities of humanness & softness, it could.
Such a situation is an opportunity.
One can bring one's own identity, goodwill & inner caring to any job, any endeavor - no matter what it is. It's always possible. Don't go to work to make money, don't practice to
achieve; go to work to spread caring & humanness - practice to know & use inner vitality.
Don't go to work to get something,
go to work to make contact...to touch others... to share. Practice Tai Chi w/genuineness. Because deep down, behind everything else, when people go to work they want warmth... they want human enfoldment. Tai Chi
practice will only evolve & continue when it's genuine & has caring.
Why not use caring, kindness & joy.
Mind / Body Nexus
The mind / body
nexus is a wonder. Thinking of the body as separate from the mind can cause difficulties. Thinking of the body & mind as intimately linked can be a blessing. To some people the body is a curse - not coordinated enough, not pretty or handsome enough, too
fat or too thin, too stiff, too weak, too tired, etc.
It's easy to separate
the body off & blame it. Yet, if one really takes the time to consider, can one really divide the body from the mind. When one defines pretty
or handsome, is it purely external? If one looks at coordinated, too fat or thin, too stiff, too tired - are these things
exist solely in the body.
Of course, the answer is that
they're characteristics that have origins in both body & mind. Consider the qualities which seem to have their source
in the body. In fact they also have origins in the mind - in one's mental attitude.
Believe you're not pretty or handsome & that will certainly affect the way you look outwardly; buying into the idea of being
uncoordinated & doing nothing about it will certainly propagate awkwardness.
The point is that our attitude plays a part in how we look & feel...our mind affects our body - & whether we take real steps to improve those aspects
which we wish were different can determine what happens. Take away the body & how well will the mind do?
Take away the mind & how
long will the body live? The mind & body are each part & parcel of the same union. They're linked together - connected inseparably in one living, breathing, thinking, feeling nexus. Denying one is denying the other. Using them as one creates empowerment & understanding.
Tai Chi helps us to know our
body-mind nexus intimately. The feedback one receives during Tai Chi - of tension or ease, of calmness or frenzy, of poise or non-poise, of fluidity or stiffness etc. -- are signals about oneself which can guide one toward a
more capable, more appropriate humanness.
One isn't getting the most
out of one's Tai Chi if one isn't unifying mind & body. One isn't using one's Tai Chi if one isn't letting that unity
guide one toward higher capability.
The classic writings &
the words of teachers can help us begin, but only by knowing oneself intimately as a whole being can one go beyond.
Moving Smoothly
Moving smoothly,
feeling naturally, sensing fully: this is what real is; this is what normal is. To find Tai Chi's easiness, one needs to stop living w/negative, non-nurturing messages & agendas. This means that one's inner feeling can rest & just allow. One doesn't need to be affected. One doesn't need to impress. One doesn't need to have status. Just be your own quiet inner self.
Pay attention to the smoothness of the movement, so that you can release & open the inner energies. Soften the joints. Find open roundness. Connect w/any discomfort & transform it into ease. Stop holding ways of being that cause harm, in muscles or mind & let things
transpire w/natural flow. Relax the body & let effort drain from the shoulders - the arms - the eyes - the lower back. Breathe naturally... in tune w/the
movements.
Focus
the mind & let a sensitive but calm spirit of vitality fill the whole body, from headtop to coccyx...from feet to fingertips. Nurture & nourish yourself w/inner tranquility. Let your external bodily positions have structure, vitality & fullness & let that structure, vitality & fullness
support the intent of the movements. Don't be unvital. Don't force. Be poised..
Feel good about yourself. You're acting to move toward health & the prevention of negative mind-sets. Feel your inner satisfaction deeply. Don't rush. Feel content to flow within the process. Feel at one w/ each small fraction of the movement. Feel the larger movements as well. Don't
over-do. Don't under-do. Know the balance of being precise... the precision of balance.
Move caringly w/yourself & in tune w/all the masters of the past. Feel your deeper humanity. Know that you have all you need to access the more profound levels. You don't need anyone else...their information is theirs - your information is yours.
Let the mind / body have the
truth of unification. Move inside harmony & consolidation. Let the spirit have the mood it wants to recover from trauma. Accept the natural antidote to disharmony. Let your inner & outer being have what it needs.
The body movements are empty, the spirit & intent makes them live.
The Naturally Functioning
Mind
With practicing
Tai Chi, or simply just living, it's important to abide in the unbiased, unconditioned mind that one has innately. If one acts w/contrivance or forcing, then one will be
less appropriate & real than if one had remained in the unconditioned mind.
If one hopes to accumulate merit or to gain egotistical outward reward, one will only be changing the clear natural & autonomous mind for an inappropriate & clouded mind. Seeking some special kind of awareness is to misguided. It's only putting some new perception on top of what is already there & in the end such action is simply
creating more illusion.
All one has to do is acknowledge w/profound insight & realization that w/out resorting to any cleverness or shrewdness, everything around can be naturally recognized & distinguished. This is due to the fact that the marvelously illuminating unbiased mind is inherently of its own right
unclouded,
In practicing Tai Chi, allow
the mind to function naturally & don't add excess to what's already perfectly functioning. Don't seek great mysterious
frames of mind...seek reality. To add more is like adding legs to already existing legs or hands onto already existing hands.
All one has to do is take away all excess & delusion, contact reality & use the clear mind that already exists.
Principle & Basis
Principles have a source; actions have a basis. If one loses the inner
principle & fundamental basis, even if one's skills are many, it is just surface & of no avail.
What harms is to have just
external skill & cleverness w/out principle... & principle w/out basis. Therefore practitioners of Tai Chi & people
of the world who value going deeply connect to inner principle & govern thru fundamental basis, not by cleverness, coarse energy & surface knowledge. To have
inner principle is to have direction & integrity. To follow fundamental basis is to act in accord w/reality.
Those who practice Tai Chi,
governing themselves & dealing w/the world by forcing & going against nature are victims of their own misconduct.
They must change or they can't evolve further. Those who govern themselves, dealing w/the world while being in touch w/nature
& nature's principles, are acting in tune w/the inner way & will evolve. Their Tai Chi can develop. Their actions
are supported by inner essence.
Those we call sages, masters
& cultivated people rest calmly in the present. They act according to perfect appropriateness, enjoy the world & are appreciative in it. They follow inner principle & basis.
Such people know that contention,
mechanical thinking & judgementalness are all based on a misapprehension of what is important. They know that depression & complacency are deviations of true seeing; negativity & dreariness are burdens to the spirit; egotistical pride & held anger are excesses which harm & delude. The arising of such things is a turning from the path of the Tao; their passing away
is a returning to inner basis.
Being Sense Alive
Vitality is one
of the most important qualities in one's Tai Chi. It can be viewed as one part of the idea often known as raising the spirit & is brought about
by being in & of the senses & awareness completely. It's brought about by existing fully in the now w/out a judgmental or a categorical mind-set.
Vitality involves having a
inquiring & spirited outlook & has to do w/ cherishing every bit of life all around. When it comes right down to it,
the senses are immediate. They're right here where we are. They define the boundaries of our consciousness just as, in like fashion, our consciousness defines the boundaries of our senses.
It's a treasure to be sense-full
& capable of appreciating the wonderful attributes & textures of life. One's Tai Chi can be a vehicle for achieving this. Yet in the modern world
many of us spend too much of our time out of touch w/the textures of life.
We allow ourselves to fall
into stark "all business" routines that have very little sensuous zest. Everyday we pass myriads of wondrous & amazing
things w/out even realizing or noticing. We speed to & fro w/out appreciating the very things we are experiencing. Perhaps we like to think that we are evolved creatures, yet many of us do such things as living in overly tight & confining clothes w/out even
recognizing we are uncomfortable.
We drink poisonous chemicals
which erode our health insidiously & dull our awareness. We imbibe alcohol & drugs which distort our naturally wonderful perception. We suck on burning plants in a habitual manner which robs us of our true
vital awareness, takes away our sense of free will & clogs our lungs w/disease. We think of our mind as controlling our life, yet are more times than not, slaves to unhealthy habits & patterns of action.
Yet w/the proper attitude, one can fully partake in the spectacle of life. One can relish the natural world, cherishing the smell & touch of rain
or the profoundly delicate feel of snowfall. The awareness one evokes thru one's Tai Chi can be a touchstone for such attitudes.
One can be transported by
the feel of the wind or the scent of summer grass. The sky, earth, or
the stars can be mediums which could take us into depths of sensing & feeling. Full connection to one's perception simply requires that one slow down & pay attention - as in Tai Chi --& one can tingle w/buoyant
alive energy & inner spectacle. Sensitivity & subtlety can be watchwords instead of just mouthed words & concepts.
One's senses are capable of wondrous perception, if we will just allow ourselves to use them. The mind-body partnership is ready to do its part. With
curiosity & sensitivity in the now, one's vitality can be full, sense-aware & luscious.
The path is open. One can
travel however one likes.
The choice is up to each of
us , ourself.
Stillness & Action
When one is active,
one should hold onto inner stillness.
When one is still, one should
maintain outer vitality.
Being balanced, one merges w/the active inner essence of nature.
Mindfulness is the jewel of
action; inner essence is the jewel of understanding.
It's good for practitioners
of Tai Chi to remember that when the body is worked w/out rest, it's weakened; when the mind is used w/out rest, one's chi
is scattered & one becomes exhausted. Therefore, those who practice Tai Chi in a proper manner are heedful of this.
They act to cultivate, not
to deplete. Their goal is gradual unfolding, not haste; slow refinement, not rapid gaining of outward showiness. Such people
pass their lives in caring for peace, serenity & inner repose. They don't cling to biased preferences & aren't possessive of anything.
Embracing sincerity, integrity & the virtues of naturalness, proper Tai Chi practice cultivates a warm & harmonious attitude toward the world. Following the Tao, Tai Chi practitioners are near to life. They don't guide their lives in relation to
profit or thru initiating anything to cause harm. They cherish life & foster all that is life enhancing. Their actions
are guided by inner repose. Their inner repose is balanced w/outward action.
Proper Tai Chi practice fosters
the spirit; it doesn't make people aggressive, loud & overbearing. It fosters humility, caring & the ability to assert oneself appropriately when necessary. With a spiritual source, practitioners of Tai Chi are optimistic & anything that is done is done fully.
STUDY
The way to study
Tai Chi requires that one avoid interpreting the information w/personal bias & that one not jump to conclusions. It's important to pick out the ideas which resonate w/one's heart / mind -- the wholeness of one's inner being. Think diligently & deeply about the ideas for a time.
Allow plenty of
time for one's quiet subtle body to mull thru the ideas in order to reach the deep-seated principles & core. Then study
the principles & theories in action & in mind in order to know the reality & actual effect. When you get the reality
& effect, give time to absorb what one has learned into one's whole being - body, mind & spirit. Let logic & intuition blend w/sensitivity - & all be used.
After a time, if one is completely
sincere, the light of one's mind will naturally shine thru all the Tai Chi actions & energies, principles & verbiage &
the spirit of inner clarity will permeate everything. Then the knowledge, principles & inner core will be penetrated &
all will be understood in its proper perspective. Then, once one reaches this point one should continue to persevere in order to deepen, nurture
& refine the effects & the principles.
If one doesn't find out the
essence & real meaning behind the ideas & principles, but merely wants to have a large repertoire of information or
techniques so that one can show off to oneself or others, one's knowledge will not help one to cultivate oneself & the
practitioner will end up w/just empty facade & surface knowledge.
This will injure one's energy,
one's thoughts & opinions & one's spirit & all previous studying will be in vain. One must concentrate, look closely w/openness, take in the proper amount, allow time for the knowledge to settle & deepen & persevere.
This is the way to study.
Tai Chi & Inner Essence
Self-cultivation
& evolvement in Tai Chi has nothing to do w/governing others, but is a matter of ordering oneself.
The way that leads to empowerment
& clarity is even & easy - calm, flexible & non-forceful. Inner essence must be impartial & unreified. One's opinions can't be adulterated & cluttered w/biased personal agendas. One must be plain, simple & fully open.
Tai Chi is noble. Its nobility
has nothing to do w/outward power & rank, but is a matter of self-realization & inner-character. Tai Chi is about inner happiness & has nothing to do w/status or hierarchy, but is, rather, a matter of harmony.
The essential inner nature
of Tai Chi practice offers no delusions or defilement, but after a time, w/long immersion in & contact w/things, it can
change; one can forget the root & conform to various acculturated ideas which are estranged from naturalness. One can end up
losing one's real nature by putting too much faith in outward guides. When this happens one's actions are never authentic.
People who follow this path
are facade-oriented & have oftentimes lost their ability to know them self & come from their own inner being as their source. . They don't understand things inwardly - & in relation to original essence of nature - & so can't be clear, centered & grounded.
The Three Viatilities
in Tai Chi
One must learn
the physical side of Tai Chi if one wishes to learn Tai Chi at its deeper levels & get
the most from Tai Chi's rich lessons. The physical side of Tai Chi includes the postures. These are body positions & actions
which attend to the establishment of proper energy use & structure within the mind / body / spirit partnership. Correct
stances & movement dynamics require appropriate use of energy & an aligned structural integrity which opens up & orders the body's energy pathways for that use & health.
Proper energy usage is set
by the combined & unified efforts of the body, the mind & the spirit. These might be called the 3 vitalities. The
unified interconnection of the 3 vitalities shouldn't be underestimated for it's thru & of the union of these 3 aspects
that the profound aspects of the art of Tai Chi are attained.
In the Tai Chi body there
must be relaxation & softness. Sensitivity & looseness are really more appropriate terms than relaxation, since to many people, relaxation is often misinterpreted as lacking energy. Sensitivity, vitalness & looseness all together better describe the kind of energy which should be found in the Tai Chi body / mind.
Like a hand reaching for a glass of water, there is intent & there's energy... yet there isn't stiffness or inappropriate limpness; if one wants to use the body, one's chi must
be lively.
The Tai Chi mind should be
active & vital, concentrated & sensitive. A mind which is dull & spacy is not the Tai Chi mind. The proper mind in Tai Chi should have curiosity, determination, receptiveness, alertness & focus.
The Tai Chi spirit should
be full & whole. It shouldn't be negative & gloomy. The spirit should be raised up, w/optimism, positivity & non-division. A spirit which fosters life & is caring is the Tai Chi spirit.
The Unrestricted Source
What are Tai Chi's
actions are based upon? What is it that forms the foundation of Tai Chi's principles of movement & energetics? Perhaps
it's a particular philosophy - a particular world-view - but just what is this world-view...this philosophy all about? Where
does it come from? What is its basis & beginning?
Whatever it is, this thing
which is Tai Chi's particular perspective is also its fountainhead - its source. It's this viewpoint which should guide one
in all one's endeavors in Tai Chi. This fountainhead, this source creates all of Tai Chi's preferences & biases...or the
lack of.
When one is closed-minded
one's source is small - or lost all together...this isn't the Tai Chi viewpoint. When one acts w/open-mindedness one's source is large & the basis of one's judgments & actions can be guided from the most unrestricted place possible...this is the Tai Chi source's way.
The Tai Chi perspective seeks
to comes from the most wide & open perspective possible. Such a source isn't parochial, matriarchal or provincial, but
is based on that which isn't coming from a particular cultural point of view or timely fad. This perspective is founded on
universal truths which transcend limited individual or single cultural concerns. Such truths come from "what all cultures have in common" - from what all humankind shares. They're nature's principles & are what
has always & will always work in manifesting action in the world.
The Tai Chi source's outlook
transcends partisan partiality in favor of a more far-seeing, more all-encompassing rationale. When one acts from such an
universal & unrestricted origin one acts from the wisdom of nature & nature's principles.
Whether in action or in belief, when one operates from such a source one's actions and beliefs are founded on an undistorted clarity which is the common spring for all of humankind's wisdom.
Such an origin's roots lie
in that which is the essence of humankind, not the periphery - the depths, not the surface. To utilize this source one needs to come from the most empowered, far-ranging & universal perspective possible.
Such an unrestricted source
is about being artless; it has no cleverness or wile. It's simply the broad-based & unburnished truth beyond any culture. It's the truth which comes from the ages. When one can act from this kind of source one acts w/out any partiality or agenda except to be
appropriate & natural, poised, centered & true to the inner essence of life.
Vitality
& Openness
One's Tai Chi
is always changing, always subtly refining itself. This is only natural, for the skills of one's Tai Chi must be vital & alive & one
of the qualities of alive vitalness is creativity. One should inquire deeply into the meanings of Tai Chi, study how it can
be used & keep an open mind at all times.
The practicality
of the postures & movements in terms of martial application & in terms of health should be questioned & investigated.
This is natural & right. Refinement comes from taking nothing for granted.
The traditional & standard
meanings are truly marvelous & important & should be experienced. Without exploration of the traditional approaches, one might miss the richness & the fullness
of the heritage of Tai Chi.
Yet, if one follows that path
alone, how can the art grow? After all, where did the founders of the art get their knowledge? Was it given to them on a silver
platter or did they have to struggle, investigate & find it for themselves?
One must diligently study
the traditional approaches, this is clear. The traditional ideas have much to teach & great depth. Yet, w/out an alive
awareness & open-minded about how one's art actually works & relates to one's own real life - directly - one's understanding will always be limited & lack authenticity, wholeness & appropriateness.
Thru striving to keep one's
art vital & real for oneself, one can truly experiences the art directly & this, in turn, keeps the art alive &
growing for those who will follow.
Vitalness & openness are important. They are how one actualizes one's art. They are what makes one's art a living breathing thing as opposed to a rote exercise
in mechanistic copying. With a body, a mind & a spirit which are unified in vitalness comes the luscious experience of
awareness & growth - this is the deeper value of having vitality in one's Tai Chi.
Who We Are
Tai Chi helps
us to know what we "are" vs. what we want "to be" or what we've 'been." All things that one seeks must be weighed against
a realistic look at what one is. All things that one "is" must be weighed in light of what one "has been". An unrealistic look at what one is can hide one's real worth. Getting a clear picture of what one is & what one wants can open doors. Tai Chi is an invaluable path for doing this.
Sometimes one's acculturated
self -- the side which comes from one's culture -- stands like an impenetrable wall...a silent barrier...before the truth, canceling potential & obscuring one's wider capacity from sight.
How one expresses oneself
in the present -- in one's Tai Chi - is often an admixture of one's past actions & one's future hopes & dreams. When one can find the amalgamation of past influences & future visions, harmonizing the two, one's present
can be more realistic - & more open to potential.
There's no conflict or endeavor that can't benefit from asking the simple question, "Who am I?" Often our Tai Chi is asking us this. Every decision
or action one makes is directly influenced by what one believes & represents the value that one puts upon oneself. Only fictions & illusions separate the real person from what one can be.
One who perceives oneself
as weak & frail, w/little hope & little will, suffers the discomfort & negativity that such thinking engenders.
Yet, there's nothing one can't
achieve, within the bounds of reason & vision of course, if one's spirit is open, raised & positive. Identifying w/negativity will cause one's life force to shrink & inevitably reaps negative energy. Identifying w/positivity & one's life force will expand & one will eventually reap positive energy.
When one practices Tai Chi,
one may realize the truth & reality of how one is affected by one's culture. Such negative traits as hurrying, insensitivity, grasping, lack of discipline, low self-esteem, closemindedness, impatience, a tendency to complicate, pessimism, an inability to relax the spirit, competitiveness, a tendency to over-compartmentalize, lack of perseverance & manipulativeness are all qualities which can arise in one's practice which might be direct influences from one's culture. Often, Tai Chi can
show us see these negative traits & we can then strive to move beyond them.
The Principles
In learning & practicing Tai Chi one must learn the physical postures. These are the body
positions & movements that are related to the martial activity as well as energies which are related to opening the body
& creating vital & alive pathways of energy in the mind / body / spirit totality.
In order to fully achieve
Tai chi & its benefits one must practice. It's also important to understand that Tai Chi is to found as much if not more in the principles of Tai Chi. It's the principles that make the postures &
body movements of Tai Chi function in the correct & proper way that opens & activates the energies of the body &
mind. It's the principles which make Tai Chi work.
One should make use careful
consideration & study of the principles if one wishes to understand & do Tai Chi at the highest levels. Take nothing for granted. Investigate for yourself what the cryptic phrases &
terminologies of classics & past masters mean.
Look at the words deeply &
explore their meanings...along all possible avenues. It's unwise to assume one understand too readily. It's also unwise to assume one can never understand. Strive for an open & inquiring mind that can accept as well as search, utilize as well as struggle & actualize as
well as visualize. It's the principles which are the key. Studying them is studying the inner workings & depth of Tai
Chi.
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Can the clinically inflexible learn to be resilient?
Print version: page 49
People w/personality disorders tend to show little behavioral
flexibility, says Art Freedman, PhD, a psychologist at the National Training Laboratory Institute for Applied
Behavioral Science.
"They won't try new things
because, in part, they think: 'This is what I need to do to survive,'" says Freedman. i.e., if someone w/a personality disorder attempts to make friends & fails, he might decide his well-being depends on avoiding all human contact in the future, Freedman says.
Such inability to bounce back
after a setback may shed light on the unremitting character of Axis II disorders, says Freedman. People w/personality disorders
aren't in the habit of trying new strategies when old ones fail, which then dooms them to repeat maladaptive behavior, he says.
Building resilience - the propensity to weather the slings & arrows of misfortune - in people w/personality
disorders can help them find a way out of this cycle of defeat.
One study, published in the
Journal of Adult Development (Vol. 10, No. 4), lends support to this idea. As compared w/participants
who scored low on aspects of resilience, adults found to be resilient fared better psychologically when they lost their job
or their youngest child moved away from home.
Psychologists can help clients
build resilience by teaching them to monitor their perceptions & reactions to events & change them when necessary, says Freedman.
"Helping the individual w/personality
disorder to develop cognitive, behavioral, social & emotional competencies will assist them to manage day-to-day stressors & events effectively," says Mark Reinecke, PhD, an associate psychology professor & chief of the division of psychology
at Northwestern University.
Freedman says he would also
like practitioners to imbue those w/ personality disorders w/the habit of trying new approaches when old ones aren't working.
i.e., a therapist might work w/a client to brainstorm new ways to meet friends if previous attempts have been rebuffed.
Like the disks that keep the
spinal column from being damaged from everyday friction, resilience helps to buffer people from negative experiences, says Freedman. "People w/personality disorder have so little resilience, it makes it especially important to deal with [this deficit]," he says.
--S. DINGFELDER
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by Susan L. Bryant PhD
Much has been written on
how to parent the strong-willed child, likely because they make parenting a major challenge. Many strong-willed children are born w/temperamental traits that predispose them to resistance
such as being inflexible to change, having difficulty shifting gears, being easily frustrated, having intense reactions & opposing authority. Other strong-willed children may be "easy" babies, but develop a strong
will during the preschool years that continues into childhood.
So how do parents effectively
manage these persistent, strong-willed children? Effective parents of strong-willed children share characteristics that increase
their chance of success.
Beliefs & expectations
First, these parents
have beliefs & expectations that empower them to have a stronger will than their child. Some parents aren't effective because their beliefs about parenting don't support changes they're trying to make in their parenting behavior.
How many times have you read
a parenting book & thought, "This time I’ll get my child under control," only to be left frustrated & feeling like a failure? Before learning any new discipline methods, parents should think in ways that will give them an attitude of control & confidence:
"I can be an effective parent;
I am effective in many ways" instead of "I am not an effective parent."
"I can control my child in many areas but I can’t control his temperament or his physiology (eating, sleeping, eliminating)" instead of "I can’t
control my child."
"My child can learn to behave
better w/the right limits & instruction" instead of "My child can’t help it."
"Some things do work, I must
be more persistent than my child" instead of "nothing works!"
If this way of thinking is foreign to you, start practicing these helpful parenting thoughts & prepare your attitude so that your methods will be successful.
Life’s decisions &
consequences
Second, effective parents of strong-willed children allow natural
consequences to teach important life lessons & decision-making. i.e., the strong-willed child who repeatedly forgets his or her
backpack for school will receive consequences from the teacher rather than have parents intervene.
In another example, a first
grader asked her mother if she could wear her Barbie shoes to school. Since the school required only solid colored shoes as
part of the uniform, the mother replied that she thought it wouldn't be a good idea to wear the Barbie shoes.
The child insisted that she
could wear the shoes, so the mother said, "Okay, see what happens." The next day the girl returned home from school w/her
Barbie shoes & said, "The teacher said if I wear these again I will lose points on the behavior chart, so I’m not
wearing these again."
Aha! Natural consequences
help to generate ideas & effective parents know that any idea a strong-willed child believes is his or her own, is more likely to be accepted & followed.
Power struggles
Third, effective parents of strong-willed children avoid power struggles over physiological functions such as eating, sleeping & using the bathroom. You can make your child sit at the table,
but you can't make the child eat. You can teach your child to stay in the bed, but you can't make your child sleep. Battling
children over their biological functions always will end in a loss for the parent.
Identify resistance
Fourth, effective parents
of strong-willed children know that a strong will comes in a variety of shapes & sizes. They learn to identify the resistance
from miles away. i.e., some children put it all out there. They show their will w/tantrums,
yelling & arguing.
Others are more passive & show their will by not doing what they're told to do. They can be quiet & reserved but often "forget" & ignore parental requests or seem to not do what is expected of them, but not w/a full-blown attitude.
These "passive-aggressive" children are very strong willed so don't be fooled by their mild dispositions. To contrast these types, think about the parent who draws a line in the sand. The outspoken strong-willed
child will step over the line & look you right in the eye. The passive strong-willed child will wait until you’re not looking then stick a toe over the line. Which of these types describes
your strong-willed child?
Attitude of authority
Fifth, effective parents of strong-willed children have an attitude of authority. They have a low tolerance for inappropriate behavior & high expectations for good behavior. They say "no" w/out difficulty. They discipline w/out guilt. They use threats & warnings sparingly. When their strong-willed child is pushing the limits, they push back with more limits.
One parent of a strong-willed
child said, "When my child resists doing chores, I give him more chores because he obviously
needs to learn to tolerate being okay w/doing chores." How different this approach is from the parent
who responds to the chore-resistant child w/fewer or no chores at all.
Consistency
Finally, by far, the most important characteristic of parents who successfully manage their strong-willed children is that they're consistent. This factor means more than the actual method used. With consistency comes an attitude of authority & control.
If policemen regularly gave
warnings instead of speeding tickets, people wouldn't heed their authority to enforce safe driving. Consistent
parents know that by persistently repeating reasonable consequences, their child is learning what to expect & how to make adjustments to live within the limits.
If you're the parent of a
strong-willed child, take heart & know that there are ways to manage this temperamental quality. In fact, instead of working
to eradicate the strong will in your child, try focusing on becoming a strong-willed parent.
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