How to Evaluate a Job Offer
From Alison Doyle
Job Offer Decision Making
When you receive a job offer,
it's important to take the time to carefully evaluate the offer so you're making an educated decision to accept, or to reject, the offer.
The last thing you want
to do is to make a hasty decision that you'll regret later on.
Consider the entire compensation
package:
- salary
- benefits
- perks
- work environment
not just your paycheck.
Weigh the pros & cons
& take some time to mull over the offer. It's perfectly acceptable to ask the employer for some time to think it over.
Money Matters
Money isn't the
only consideration, but, it's an important one.
Is the offer what you
expected? If not, is it a salary you can accept without feeling insulted?
Will you be able
to pay your bills? If your answer is no, then don't accept the offer, at least right away. Make sure that you're getting paid what you're worth & you're happy with the compensation.
Nobody wants to be in a position
where they realize that the salary isn't enough - after they've accepted the job offer. If the compensation package isn't what you expected, consider negotiating salary with your future employer.
Benefits & Perks
In addition to salary, review the benefits & perks offered. Sometimes, the benefit package can be as important as what you get in your paycheck.
If you're not sure about the
benefits that are offered, ask for additional information or clarification. Find out details on:
- health & life insurance coverage
- vacation
- sick time
- disability
- other benefit programs
Inquire about how much of
the benefits costs are provided by the company, in full & how much you're expected to contribute. If there are a variety of options available, request copies of the plan descriptions so
you can compare benefit packages.
Hours & Travel
Before accepting a job, be sure that you're clear on the hours & schedule you need to work.
Also, confirm
what, if any, travel is involved. If the position requires 45 hours of work a week & you're used to working 35 hours,
consider whether you'll have difficulty committing to the schedule.
If the nature of the
job requires that you'll need to be on the road 3 days a week, be sure that you can commit to that, as well.
Also, consider
travel time to & from work. Is the commute going to take an extra hour or will there be parking fees you're not paying
now?
Flexibility & Company
Culture
Many of us, with
small children or elderly parents, or other personal considerations, need flexibility in our schedules.
To some of us,
the ability to work a schedule that isn't a typical 40 hour in the office work week, is important. It's also important to feel comfortable in the environment that you're going to be working in.
One candidate
for a customer service job realized that there was no way she could accept it, despite the decent salary, when she was told she had to ask permission to use the restroom.
Ask if you can
some spend time in the office, talking to potential co-workers & supervisors, if you're not sure that the work environment
& culture are a good fit.
Your Personal Circumstances
The bottom line
in accepting a job offer, is that there really isn't one. Everyone has a different set of personal circumstances.
What might be the perfect
job for you could be an awful job for someone else. Take the time to review the pros & cons. Making a list is always
helpful.
Also, listen to your gut - if it's telling you not to take the job, there just might be something there. Keep in mind, that if this isn't the right
job for you, it's not the end of the world. The next offer might just be that perfect match.
It's much easier to turn down an
offer than it is to leave a job that you've already started. The employer would prefer that you decline, rather than
having to start over the hiring process a couple of weeks down the road if you don't work out.
So, do take the time to thoroughly
evaluate the offer. Ask questions, if you have them. Take the time you need to make an educated, informed decision so you
feel as sure as possible that you & the company, have made an excellent match.
What's Important to You?
Take our quick quiz to help decide what's most important to you when considering a job offer:
What's Important to You Quiz
Acceptance & Rejection Letters
Whether you're
accepting, or rejecting, a job offer, it's a good idea to let the company know your decision in writing. In both cases, be polite,
brief & to the point. Here are sample letters to review:
The following excellent information below is from one
of my favorite sites, www.coping.org. This site has been updating and improving continually and I believe
it is invaluable for the self helper! Click here to visit the source page! I thank them for being so generous as to allow non profits to share their information with others!
 
Communicating with Others About Your Child with Special Needs
What information
must be disseminated to others concerning your child's Special Need?
As parents of children with special needs you're placed in the position of being the "spokespersons" for your children until they become old enough to speak for themselves
& in some cases you'll have this role for the rest of your children's lives.
Here are some important issues which you need to discuss with the important people in your children's lives:
To your spouse:
- Your child's diagnosis & what it means
- The programs & services your child needs
- Your needs, including the level of support you want from your spouse
- Plans for a mutual approach to the child's needs
- Ways to handle this while growing as a couple
To your other children:
- Your child's diagnosis & what it means
- The support & "normal" treatment the target child needs from them
- How to answer questions about the target child's disability
- How your children can make things go smoother
- Ways to handle this situation while growing as a family
To your parents & in-laws:
- Your child's diagnosis & what it means
- Treatment the child is receiving & what it does for the child
- The support you & your spouse need from them
- How important it is for them to be clear, specific & supportive in sharing this information with the relatives & their friends
- How not to coddle or be overly sympathetic or spoil the child
- How to treat the child as normally as possible
To other relatives, friends & neighbors:
- Your child's diagnosis & what it means
- The services the child is receiving
- How you need their support & understanding
- How what has happened in your family hasn't made you any different than what you were
before
- How you'll need help in caring for your target child & your other children as you link up with the necessary services to address the
disability.
To the professionals, doctors, therapists & teachers working with your child:
- Your child's diagnosis as given to you
- When the diagnosis was given & by whom
- Any 2nd or 3rd opinions about the diagnosis
- Treatment services the child has received, when they were given & by whom
- Your current concerns, fears & doubts concerning the diagnosis & services being
given to your child
- How the child is responding to treatment, training, classes, medical care, etc.
- How your child is relating to others with similar disabilities
- How your child is functioning at home with siblings & parents
- What milestones are being exhibited at home
To strangers who ask you questions when you're in the public eye:
- Your child's diagnosis & what it means
- How they can change the public's perception & attitude about people with disabilities
- What your child needs from people like them in order to be treated as normally & fairly as possible
- What agencies & programs exist to serve your child
- How these agencies depend on donations for financial & physical support to serve
children like your own
- What can be done to lessen discrimination against those with disabilities in employment,
housing, religious & social / recreational opportunities
What beliefs, attitudes & behavior traits are necessary to respond to questions about your children in a healthy manner?
Parents who are successful in communicating with others concerning their children with special needs have to maintain a rational perspective in such communication.
They need to have worked thru a number of emotional issues if they're to be successful in their communications about their children.
What follows are some of the
actions you as parents need to have accomplished so as to insure sound communications with those people involved in your life & the life of your children:
- Acceptance of your children's diagnoses
- Information about the conditions
& disabilities, their causes & their prognosis
- Information about the recommended
course of treatment for your children's conditions
- To believe that you can handle your children's needs
- To discuss your children's
condition without apologizing for their disabilities
- A resolution for your anger, resentment & hostility over what has happened to your children's & your lives.
- To maintain your sense of humor.
- To have patience with others' ignorance, lack of information & misinformation about your children's disabilities.
- To know that others may lack
understanding & compassion regarding your children's conditions.
- To believe that others will be advocates for your children once they have proper information.
- To know that it's best to
treat your children as normally as possible & to demonstrate that knowledge in their presence.
- To put people at ease in
the presence of your children by your ''normal'' treatment & reactions.
- To accept that those not
living with these conditions on a daily basis don't feel as comfortable or as knowledgeable about it as you.
- To believe that innocent questions from others aren't meant to be hurting to you or your children.
- To educate society with information
& common sense training to reduce discrimination against people with disabilities.
- To contain your emotional
reactions to upsetting questions & discourage overreacting as this will do more harm than good.
Parents of children with special needs have to be aware that they as the "spokespersons" for their children have a major impact on how well their children will be served so that
their life needs are met. For this reason it's important to consider the following negative consequences of poor communications on the part of parents.
If
you lose your temper or seem to get angry at questions others may:
- Leave you alone, isolating you from any support.
- Be convinced that their negative, ill-informed beliefs about children such as yours are correct.
- Become stuck in their discriminatory
beliefs.
- Be turned off to offering
help or support to you & your children
- Find you repulsive, feel
sorry for you, or pity you & the burdens you must carry because of your child's problems.
If you ignore questions others may:
- Grow in their ignorance & lack of information.
- Be confused.
- Feel you're either a snob
or an elite individual who considers yourself better than others.
- Be discouraged from contributing financially & physically to your child, you, or the agencies involved in the treatment & support program.
- Entrench & grow deeper
in their old beliefs, attitudes & discriminatory behavior.
If you make fun of or are sarcastic in response to questions
others may:
If you become overly emotional, lose
control, or cry others may:
- Be convinced that their negative beliefs about the condition are well founded.
- Become uncomfortable & decide never to ask questions of you again.
- Become sympathetic,
feeling so sorry for you that they smother, spoil, or in many ways treat your children as ''special,'' not respecting the need to treat them as normally as possible.
- Continue to lack information
& be misinformed.
- Become embarrassed & begin to avoid you, thus isolating you even more.
If you blame, lecture, or accuse others for their stereotypic beliefs or lack of information they may:
- Become defensive or put you under attack.
- Become embarrassed & avoid contact with you in the future.
- Feel insulted & attempt
to put you down in return.
- Continue to remain as ill-informed
& ignorant as they were before you talked.
- Be lost to the ongoing support needed by you & your child.
What communication skills help parents of children with special needs to discuss their children?
To be a successful communicator about your children, you need to develop some new skills. What follows are some communication skills which you'll need to grow in if you expect to be a good communicators & spokespersons for your children with special needs.
You'll need to be able to:
- Use effective listening skills to hear what the others are asking & feeling about your children & your children's condition.
- Paraphrase back to others
what they've said or ask for them to clarify what they meant to ensure that the content & feelings involved are on target.
- Use reflective responses
to indicate to the others that they're being listened to & aren't being judged.
- Use understanding
& clarification responses to put others at ease & enable them to be open to a clear, precise statement concerning your children's condition, treatment & prognosis.
- Use an effective combination
of listening & responding skills to solve issues, leaving all parties to the conversation feeling like winners.
- Develop a sensitive
approach with people who are uncomfortable but can't express it. You need to initiate the conversation & begin the discussion.
How can communication skills be improved?
You can take the following
steps to improve your communications with others about your children with special needs.
Step 1: Before you can improve
communication with others, determine the areas in which you need work. Answer the following questions in your journal:
A. What is the current status
of communication concerning my target child with:
- my spouse
- my other children
- my parents & in-laws
- my relatives, friends &
neighbors
- my child's professionals,
teachers, therapists & doctors
- strangers who ask questions
B. What information about
my target child do I believe each of the above groups needs from me?
C. What are my feelings as I communicate about my target child with each of the 6 groups?
D. What are the obstacles
to effective communication about my target child with each of these 6 groups?
E. What bothers me as I talk
about my target child with each of these groups?
Step 2: You're ready to identify
the negative consequences of such communication. Detail the negative consequences of your communication (or lack of communications) about your child with:
- my spouse
- my other children
- my parents & in-laws
- my relatives, friends &
neighbors
- my child's professionals,
teachers, therapists & doctors
- strangers
Step 3: Identify personal
attitudes, beliefs & behavior you need to change to improve communication about your target child with the 6 groups listed in Step 2.
Step 4: Your newly developed
skills should allow you to communicate comfortably about your target child with each of the groups listed in Step 2. If you still have problems,
return to Step 1 & begin again.
|
 |
|
June 11, 2003 09:42 PM PDT
Category:
Relating, Resistance
In response to my recent review of Kelly Bryson's book Don't Be Nice, Be Real , a few of us on the Resistance as a Resource mailing list have been talking about empathy.
Several people have
asked, "How can I feel empathy for someone I don't feel empathy for?"
Good question. What
I'd thought was a great idea seems more like a great conundrum.
Here's how I resolve the conundrum:
I can create empathy for others by first learning to empathize with myself, especially when my behaviors violate my image of who I want to be.
A wonderful tool for self-empathy
is The Value Question: "If I had ________ (that result),
what would that do for me that's even more important?"
Suppose, i.e., that I've publicly
& intentionally insulted Wilbur. By "intentional" I mean that in that moment I wanted him to feel insulted.
Looking back, I now see that
wanting Wilbur to feel insulted doesn't fit my vision of who I want to be. Why would I do
such a thing? The Value Question can help me find my deeper intentions.
If Wilber were to feel insulted, what would that do for me that's even more important? Wilber would think twice about dismissing my ideas.
I notice 2 important things about this answer. First, the cause-&-effect is pretty shaky. Would feeling
insulted really encourage Wilber to think twice about my dismissing my ideas?
Not likely. One of
the benefits of The Value Question is that it helps me to uncover some of the questionable beliefs by which I'm choosing my behavior. We'll come back to this in a minute. For now, simply note that the cause-&-effect
is shaky.
The second important thing I notice about this answer is that my deeper reason for insulting Wilbur -
wanting him to think twice about dismissing my ideas - still doesn't fit my highest vision for myself.
If my answer to The Value Question, doesn't reflect
who I want to be, that's a clue that I haven't searched deeply enough into my intentions.
So I'll ask The Value Question
again. If Wilber were to think twice about dismissing my ideas, what would that do for me that's even more important?
He would consider my ideas more fully.
And if he considers my ideas more fully, what would that do for me that's even more important?
I would feel that he respected me. And if I felt that Wilbur respected me, what would that do for me that's even more important?
I would feel safer offering my ideas.
With this step, I've found
an intention I can truly empathize with. I want to feel safe offering my ideas. This fits my image of who I want to be. Having
discovered a deeper intention that I can appreciate, I now have a choice: I can continue with The Value Question or I can discontinue it.
The first few times you do this,
I recommend continuing with The Value Question as far as you can go, as long as you get answers.
And don't give up if an answer doesn't
come immediately. The last few answers often take some time to emerge. Ask the question & allow a minute or 2 for
the answer to come. (See the book Core Transformation by Connirae and Tamara Andreas for more ideas about how to use The Value Question.)
Once I've discovered my good intentions & empathized with them, that's a great time to explore the shaky cause-&-effect beliefs I've uncovered. Now I can begin to explore more effective ways to achieve my deeper intentions, ways that will cause less pain for others & for myself.
After I've done this a few times,
I begin to see that even my most "unacceptable" behaviors, as dysfunction as those behaviors are, come from intentions that I can appreciate. The deeper intentions I discover behind even my most dysfunctional behaviors are not only positive intentions, but beautiful intentions.
And the biggest payoff for me has
been this: As I learn to see the positive intentions behind even my most dysfunctional behaviors, I begin to see the possibility that other people's "unacceptable" behaviors might also come from wonderful intentions. This is the beginning of empathy.
Experiment: Think of a recent experience where your behavior wasn't what you'd like it to be. Use The Value Question to trace your intentions as far as you can trace them. What intention do you discover at the end of the line?
Experiment: Use
The Value Question to trace 4 or 5 of your recent actions (good or bad) all the way to your
deepest intentions. Do you find any qualities in common in those "ultimate intentions?" (Connirae & Tamara Andreas call these intentions "core states.")
"Too often when [young people are] left to feeling insulted ... violence & the power of violence becomes their only recourse. This isn't a police department issue alone. The families & the community have
a responsibility to be working closely with the police & helping to stop some of these situations before they escalate. ... [Authorities recognize] how hard it is for families to feel like they're dropping the dime on their own kids.
[But] think about what it's like when the family gets the call, hearing that their son or daughter has been shot. This is with the aim
of trying to prevent the heartache that goes with injury & the grief that goes with death."
-- Steven Marans, the Harris Associate Professor of Child
Psychoanalysis at the Yale Child Study Center & associate professor of psychiatry, "Shooting Victims Frequently Clam Up,"
New Haven Register, Dec. 5, 2005.
|
|
|
|
|
Scholars, faithful debate textbooks' portrayal of Hinduism
STATE TO HEAR OPINIONS ON PROPOSED CHANGES
By Lisa M. Krieger
Mercury News
Every 6 years, when California
reviews its textbooks, it invites public opinion. This time, it got a culture war.
Sweeping changes proposed to the state's 6th grade history & social studies texts are provoking controversy from Sacramento to South Asia.
In question: what California
teaches its children about Hinduism & the social roles & history of ancient India. The resolution could affect students
across the nation.
California 6th graders today
learn that in ancient India, men had more rights than women. Some Hindu groups want that changed to say that men & women had "different" rights.
One book says that Hindus
visit temples to show their love of the gods. A proposed rewrite would say they love one, capital-G God.
An obscure committee of the
State Board of Education, suddenly in the spotlight, will hear opinions about dozens of requested changes at a Feb. 27 meeting.
Recommendations from its staff,
posted this week on the state's Web site, strive to navigate a religious minefield. Neither side is likely to win completely; many recommendations seek a middle ground, such as retaining descriptions
of India's "caste system," but, in some cases, renaming it a "class system" or referring to an Aryan "migration" into India,
rather than an "invasion."
"It's such a complicated case,''
said Michael Witzel, a Harvard professor of Sanskrit, who was one of the experts consulted by the state. "I think the state was overwhelmed.''
By state law, California's
6th grade social studies textbooks must cover several global religions - Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism & Christianity -
a controversial topic that often draws extra scrutiny. (Students study Islam, a younger religion,
in 7th grade.) But the California Curriculum Commission, the arm of the State Board of Education that received the
proposals, has no in-house experts on Hinduism.
And its decision is expected to carry
great weight: Because California teaches so many students, its choices influence textbooks sold across the nation.
Previous in-state textbook debates - involving the teaching of evolution, "new math,'' sex education & "hands-on'' science
- have had national repercussions.
Two Hindu groups, the Vedic
Foundation of Austin & California's chapter of the Hindu Education Foundation, are behind the proposed revisions.
Together, the small but vocal
foundations propose many modifications to seven different textbooks, changing the depiction of women, low-caste Indians & the diversity of spiritual beliefs to create what they believe is a more accurate & balanced portrayal of Hinduism.
"Ensuring accuracy in California
is essential,'' said Janeshwari Devi of the Vedic Foundation. "The errors perpetuate ignorance & negative stereotypes.''
Some parents agree, saying
that the depiction of Hinduism in the texts misrepresents their faith. "I remember my daughter coming home & not feeling too happy. Her textbook was complete nonsense,'' said Viggy Mokkaarala of Los Altos Hills, whose daughter attends Palo Alto's Terman
Middle School.
Many leading Indian scholars
oppose the changes, calling them an attempt to whitewash history & gain political power.
They warned that the state
shouldn't be swayed by proposals they believe are inspired by a Hindu nationalist agenda, which has gained a louder political voice in India since the early 1990's. The changes sanitize history, cleansing it of unpleasant facts about discrimination & exploitation, they say, such as eliminating references to the caste system.
"As an Indian & a Hindu,
it seems to me that the changes being proposed by the HEF & the VF pursue a narrow agenda; I don't see how these organizations can claim to legitimately
represent the Indian or Hindu communities,'' said Stanford University Professor Akhil Gupta, who teaches an introductory class
in Indian history.
San Jose resident Thillai
Kumaran, whose son attends Bret Harte Middle School, said: "They claim that the Hindu kids are getting insulted & feeling intimidated & don't want to be Hindu. I asked my son, when we reviewed the book: 'Honestly, are you feeling insulted?' He said 'No. Why should I be?' ''
The 2 foundations dismiss the credibility
of the professors, calling them "a small minority of academics with no expertise in Hinduism & South Asian groups,
aligned with communist & other radical ideologies.''
They deny that they have an underlying political agenda or links to supremacist groups. "Our aim is to re-establish the greatness
of Hinduism. Our interest is education,'' said Devi.
In September the state's Curriculum
Commission hired retired California State University-Northridge Indian historian Shiva Bajpai, who had been recommended
by the foundations, to review the proposals. He endorsed most of the revisions. Change seemed assured.
But the process came to an abrupt
halt 2 months later. The day before a November meeting to approve the revisions, a letter arrived to the board of education
from Harvard's Witzel & 50 other leading professors, urging the board to reject the groups' demands.
Over the winter, hundreds
of other scholars from the nation's leading research universities, including the University of California, wrote to protest
the changes.
Ill-prepared for such disputes,
the board of education created a new review committee, held a private meeting & solicited the opinions of non-Hindus.
In response, the Hindu American
Foundation is considering legal action.
"We're trying to be careful,'' said Rebecca Parker, Education Program Consultant for the State Board of Education. "What we have is an area of
feeling honest, feelings of honesty & rigorous scholarly debate. That's why it is a dilemma.''
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
