  
When Family Members Stop Speaking to Each Other - By Mark Sichel
We read so much about family estrangement, about mothers
& fathers & their grown children who simply enter a cold war of ceased communication.
Eminen & his mother, Jennifer Anniston, Kim Bassinger,
Jenna Malone & their mothers, Gerard Depardieu & his son, the Reagans, whose estrangement from their children even
merited prominence in the TV special about the former First Family.
The list goes on & on. While glamorous stars get
into the spotlight when there's a rift in their family, the problem afflicts ordinary folk with a surprising frequency as
well. There's a shocking lack of statistics available on the subject of family estrangement, but as a psychotherapist in practice
for many years, it's my impression that cut-offs have become a lot more common than they used to be. I hear this from other
therapists, too.
I also teach family counseling to pastors of all faiths & they tell me that family rifts are an increasingly frequent problem brought to the
clergy's attention.
In my own practice, I’m reminded of Gail, a young mother
& free-lance commercial artist in New York. Gail has two of the most wonderful daughters in the world, but her mother
hasn't spoken to her since she married Carlos, her college sweetheart, who's unacceptable to her mother because he's Latino.
Janet is a grandmother of 4 who’s got a great
relationship with her two sons but whose daughter Shelly hasn't talked to her since she divorced Shelly's father.
Why are so many family members not speaking to each other these days?
If I had to isolate the common thread in these situations,
I'd have to say it's because of intolerance. Certainly that's evident in instances where
family members bury each other for lifestyle choices such as homosexuality & choices to marry outside one's religion,
race, nationality or ethnicity.
But intolerance is also
the root cause of family fights that lead to rifts & by that I mean a prejudice toward differing points of views, small-mindedness
when it comes to giving up a grudge, or pettiness & nastiness about forgiveness.
It's very similar to the intolerance,
bigotry & prejudice that create rifts between nations & among diverse groups in our cities, states & nation.
There are other factors, of course. For example, these days people feel freer to stand behind their convictions & don't feel as much of a demand to comply with rules that don't make sense to them.
This may be expressed in intermarriage or coming out
of the closet. People are increasingly unwilling to deny their real selves & their genuine feelings & desires. I think that's a wonderful sign of progress in our society. Unfortunately, often their family doesn't think that's so great. They think that by cutting off the family member they will change his or her behavior.
Increased freedom has also brought on changes in rules for civil behavior. Family members who at one point might have been constrained
by religion or social custom now feel free at times to act on impulses that are devoid of spiritual or social appropriateness.
Living with a family estrangement
is extremely painful & can even be debilitating. But I know from personal experience & from treating hundreds of patients
in this situation that healing is possible.
The central premise of this article is that all healing
starts from within. The most important reconciliation is the one you make with yourself.
That way, your family's willingness or unwillingness
to participate in a healing process will not be able to take away your peace of mind. When you feel good about yourself &
the ways in which you relate to others & are at peace with your spiritual side, you'll be okay whether or not your family
speaks to you.
How to Stop Being a Captive of Your Own Unawakened Consciousness
By Guy Finley
Whenever you
discuss matters of a spiritual nature with people you will invariably run into two distinct groups. There are those
who claim to know the Truth, but who express their great certainty by attacking anyone who
doesn’t see God as they do. And then there is the other group that comprises the majority of seekers: spiritual speculators
who believe that their ability to argue over what may or may not be true of the spiritual Path is the same as having walked it.
Of course these comments are not intended for the “ears" of either of these factions, as it is impossible to show anyone anything new or true who has already
seen everything; nor can you speak of what is Real to those who would rather dream of God’s Life than do the work of
entering into it.
These thoughts are for those who are tired of fighting over the nature of Truth. They are intended for whoever is weary of guessing at Life’s purpose and who wants to be a Conscious part of Her Great Plan. If we can
say, “Yes, this is the life I want but how do I move from this estranged know-it-all self to an awakened awareness of myself," then it becomes possible to find out.
In some ways the work of awakening
to our Real Life is simple. If we want to know an uncharted rivers course or a region of unexplored forest we must enter them.
We would think it silly for two people to argue about the nature of a valley, "what life forms it holds, sustains, or denies," if these two people lived near its entrance but never dared to explore it!
Yet this
is much of the way things are today when it comes to the heart of spiritual affairs. Christians argue with Buddhists or Jews, Muslims fight with Hindus, on and on it goes nowhere. Does God have one face, many faces, or no face? Say to me the right words and we are brothers. Answer incorrectly and we will fight
over the nature of the Source of Perfect Peace.
And so-called spiritual “tolerance" is not the answer. The whole idea of
tolerating another is born out of trying to push away an intolerant reaction towards him,
so that we are not embracing what we struggle to tolerate, but are secretly strengthening our unconscious relationship with
that dark nature in us that fears any person it thinks doesn't think as it does.
Plus, whenever we act out our idea of a kind “tolerance" of those
“different" than ourselves, we secretly feel that it is our greatness that accepts these inferior persons.
This means
it is our pride that permits us to be so humble before others. What utter rubbish! Especially since none of this hypocrisy "with all of its vicious
seditious hatreds and fears" is necessary.
Why do I say this is True? Because
each of us is intended to know the Truth of ourselves, of this life,
and of our relationship with others. We are created to walk consciously the Path of self-realization that allows us to recover
our individual relationship with "God," as He permits us to know His unfathomable Self. What Path is there, open to all, that leads to such self-discovery?
We must learn to be (with) ourselves, and stop trying to be anything but awake to "and within" the Moment. Ponder
the next insight for as long as it takes you to start seeing its extraordinary implications. Now (the Present Moment) and our awareness of it are one consciousness, much in the same way as a mirror and the object it reflects share the eye of the beholder.
And to this idea add that Now is Eternal. It is never not Now. Past and future are only concepts
used to communicate the passage of things through the Perfect Present. Not to mention that all such tenses of time refer to places in our memory
or imagination, places in our mind that "even as we recall and enter into them" still stand in the Ever-Present Now.
What these lessons reveal to us is that everything there is that is knowable is knowable Now.
The seemingly hidden or impermeable purpose of our own existence awaits us right within the stillness of our own awareness that serves as the witnessing background for life’s mysterious passages.
The “catch"
is that before we can see these Truths, before we can realize the Ground of ourselves that
is the invisible Stuff of God’s Life, we must learn what it means to stand inwardly still "to be." We must see the truth of ourselves without struggling to alter what passes before our inner eyes because something in
us resists what it sees and wants to change it.
I want to give you a powerful inner exercise that can help us enter and explore this unseen ground of ourselves. The more we are willing to investigate
these truths of ourselves "in ourselves" the less we will feel the punishing need to convince others of where they have missed the mark, or to continue explaining ourselves to ourselves and others.
This exercise is designed to help us do the conscious inner work of separating ourselves from
the many false feelings of “I" that hold us captive of our own unawakened consciousness. This unconscious state of our self is ever in search of its own projected opposite as a result of having become identified with the endless mental and emotional
forces that pass through its (limited) awareness.
For instance, imagine this (level of)
self feels an angry flash pass through it. As this psychic heat makes its way through the system, this self then says “I" to the inner heat it senses. But in reality no such burning “I" exists until some aspect of self identifies with this heated feeling. Now this same false self sets out to either find who set it on fire or what it needs to become flame proof.
If we can see that any of the measures this false “I"
takes to protect itself from the pain it feels only serves to make it and the pain it is experiencing seem more real, then we can begin to
see why we must do the inner work of learning to detach ourselves from this fictitious self. The following exercise is designed to do just this.
The next time (and every time) you catch yourself with negative thoughts or feelings that are saying in your heart or mind, “I am anxious," or “I am scared," or “I am so mad," “so stressed," "in so much pain," (or what have you), come wide awake to yourself.
Then deliberately drop everything in that negative declaration except for the “I am" part of it. Then stay awake. Stand still. Just watch.
Your new awareness of these tormenting states roaming within you is the power that keeps their harmful and self-limiting influences from having power over you. Their aim is to get you to define yourself by their dark and defiling energies. Your Aim is to remember that who
you really are, can't be confined by dark thoughts or feelings any more than the light from a bulb can be contained in its glass.
You must work at this
exercise with great intention and persistence as these habitual dark states that have been directing you all along will not give up their place at the
steering wheel of your soul without struggle.
Never mind
any setbacks or the (necessary) sense of self-loss that you may experience
as you put forth these new inner efforts. Just continue to apply your wish for Real life to wherever you find evidence of
a false one. God will handle the rest. This is Truths guarantee.
Author's Bio: Guy Finley is the best-selling author of a half dozen books on self-transformation. His works, which have sold
over a million copies and have been translated into seven languages, are recommended by doctors, ministers, and industry leaders.
For information about Guy Finley’s books, booklets, tapes, and helpful on-going study groups call (541) 476-1200 or
visit www.guyfinley.com.
source site: click here
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Feeling of Forgiveness – An Attribute
By Dr. Pratima Jagadeesh
Forgiveness
Is the mightiest sword
Forgiveness of those
When they bruise you with words
When they make you feel small
When
it's hardest to take
You must do nothing at all...
But Forgive
As this is the highest award…..
Forgive is our trait to give others an opportunity to cleanse the mistakes. It’s a door to stimulate a feeling of respect and admiration.
Forgive, compromise, negotiate all comes when a person is right and judges the act of an other who might/might not be wrong.
All
in their perspectives are rightful and judge themselves to be precise and correct for their actions.
From a social and shared stand point we can judge the action to be righteous and
acceptable. But we normally don’t judge the act or deed, we estimate the person and ascertain the character behind it.
We tend to forget that mistakes and blunders are bound to happen. We are here not to judge the person who is committed it.
Instead if we could broaden our vision to see not the person but just the action, then forgiveness and excuse would have been
our primary traits.
One facet which should be of our interest is, Why are we asked for forgiveness?
Why would someone ask us for an excuse? Why would they try to convince us about their
mistake and make us understand that they were wrong?
For instance, some passerby would ask you SORRY for a mistake and just don’t
even wait for your reply and proceeds.
A peer at your office might just say SORRY and involve themselves in their daily
chores.
And there are people mightier than above two, who is not even apologetic for their
faults. They carry a light attitude of DON’T CARE.
Then who asks for an apology,
who asks for forgiveness, who is bothered about us and our pardon?
Yes! It all means that they JUST NEED US in their lives.
And that’s the core
reason they come back to us with a note of SORRY, in apologetic way with a regretful voice. They understand that they have
committed a mistake, and want us realize it, consider it and forgive it.
They take care to spend their time for you because they know you are worth in their
lives.
Your presence is a WANT for them and they NEED you for the rest.
If we could just understand that we are given that importance and we are
so much worth in someone’s life, we would not have dared to ask WHY FORGIVE?
To dive deep down for the question WHY Forgive?
The answers would erupt with different flavors of attributes and advantages. The more
positive angle of our speech is to comprehend that words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true
and kind, they can change our world for some one and for ourselves.
The birth of forgive is in the kindness of mind, consideration in heart with a blend of compassionate feeling. The consequences of non acceptance can be a cancer of bitterness which sprouts first in mind just acquires your
body thorough out or it could be an endless tragedy of hatred. A moment of anger is a life's losses. An
instant intolerance is end of relationships. Some seconds of irritation is a constant arguments. Some haste decisions
and words are permanent loss of people and assets. Before you injure someone,
Before
you spoil a relationship Before you hurt someone’s feelings Before you dent with words Before you scratch a
smooth surface Before you smash any object in rage ………. JUST THINK
…… Can it be repaired ? Can you retrieve the same moments as before Can you get back the lost
time, thoughts and life ? The answer is hard but the mocking truth is always high
to say let the punishment match the offense. Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter and a candle
loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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