  
Does Fatherhood Make You Happy? Daniel Gilbert from Time Magazine
Sonora Smart Dodd
was listening to a sermon on self-sacrifice when she decided that her father, a widower who had raised 6 children, deserved his very own
national holiday. Almost a century later, people all over the world spend the 3rd Sunday in June honoring their fathers with ritual offerings of aftershave and neckties, which leads millions of fathers to have precisely the same
thought at precisely the same moment: "My children," they think in unison, "make me happy."
Could all those dads be wrong?
Studies reveal
that most married couples start out happy and then become progressively less satisfied over the course of their lives, becoming especially disconsolate when their children are in diapers
and in adolescence and returning to their initial levels of happiness only after their
children have had the decency to grow up and go away. When the popular press invented a malady called, "empty-nest syndrome" it failed to mention that its primary symptom is a marked increase in smiling.
Psychologists have measured
how people feel as they go about their daily activities and have found that people are less happy
when they're interacting with their children than when they're eating, exercising, shopping, or watching television.
Indeed, an act of parenting
makes most people about as happy as an act of housework. Economists have modeled the impact
of many variables on people's overall happiness and have consistently found that children have only a small impact. A small negative impact.
Those findings are hard to swallow
because they fly in the face of our most compelling intuitions. We love our children! We talk about them to anyone who'll listen, show their photographs to anyone who'll look and hide our refrigerators behind vast collages of their drawings, notes, pictures
and report cards. We feel confident that we're happy with our kids, about our kids, for our kids and because of our kids -
so why is our personal experience at odds with the scientific data?
3 reasons.
1st, when something makes
us happy we're willing to pay a lot for it, which is why the worst Belgium chocolate is
more expensive than the best Belgium tofu. But that process can work in reverse: when we pay a lot for something, we assume
it makes up happy, which is why we swear to the wonders of bottled water and Armani socks.
The compulsion to care for our children was long ago written into our DNA, so we toil and sweat, lose sleep and hair, play nurse, housekeeper, chauffeur
and cook and we do all that because nature just won't have it any other way. Given the high price we pay, it isn't surprising
that we rationalize those costs and conclude that our children must be repaying us with happiness.
2nd, if the Red Sox and the
Yankees were scoreless until Manny Ramirez hit a grand slam in the bottom of the 9th, you can be sure that Boston fans would
remember it as the best game of the season.
Memories are dominated by
their most powerful - and not their most typical - instances. Just as a glorious game-winning home can erase our memory of 8 1/2 dull innings,
the sublime moment when our 3 year old looks up from the mess she is making with her mashed potatoes and says, "I wub you,
Daddy." can erase 8 hours of no, not yet, not now and stop asking. Children may not make up happy
very often, but when they do, that happiness is both transcendent and amnesic.
3rd, although most of us think of heroin as a source of human misery, shooting heroin doesn't actually make people feel miserable. It makes people feel really, really good - so good, in fact, that it crowds out every other source of pleasure.
Family, friends, work, play, food,
sex - none can compete with the narcotic experience; hence all fall by the wayside. The analogy to children is all
too clear. Even if their company were an unremitting pleasure, the fact that they require so much company means that other
sources of pleasure will all but disappear.
Movies, theater, parties,
travel - those are just a few of the English nouns that parents of young children quickly forget how to pronounce.
We believe our children are our greatest joy and we're absolutely right. When you have one joy, it's bound to be the greatest.
Our children give us many things, but an increase in our average daily happiness is probably not among them.
Rather than deny that fact, we should celebrate it. Our ability to love beyond all measure those who try our patience and weary our bones is at once our most noble and most human quality. The fact that children don't always make us happy - and that we're happy to have them nonetheless - is the fact for which
Sonora Smart Dodd was so grateful. She thought we would all do well to remember it, every 3rd Sunday in June. June 19, 2006
Happiness is a measure
of the overall health, growth and harmony of the entire body and mind.
Happiness also reflects our perception of the harmony and functioning of the
external world.
The biological happiness mechanism has safeguards against lack of concern about other people and lack of concern about the future.
To make happiness our ultimate concern in life is to align our conscious ultimate concern with the most basic human motives and universal forces.
If we all seek happiness for self and others, humankind can evolve into a highly integrated organism that will maximize the happiness
for all.
Do you ever long for more
happiness, but fear that wanting it is selfish or naive?
Do demands from
family, friends, career, or even chores seem more important than your happiness?
When you consider that many
people face basic problems like hunger, poverty, crime, abuse and fragmented families, do you ever feel guilty about wanting happiness?
However, if valuing happiness is so bad, why would great philosophers like Aristotle and Bertrand Russell value happiness above all other human experiences?
Why would Buddha and Jesus value happiness and love so much?
Were
these men so naive or selfish?
Deep inside, we all want happiness, but how can we obtain it?
Are we happy just because we're lucky enough to have the right genes or the right circumstances?
What if we aren't so lucky?
What if we face difficult circumstances such as rejection, failure, illness or poverty? Can we rise above those difficulties and choose to be happy?
Certainly, we can't control our emotions the way I can control my fingers to type these words.
However, we can
develop an inner power to master our emotions and therefore our happiness.
My
1st step for choosing to be happy was to choose to be happy! I decided to make it an experiment to see if consciously making happiness
#1 in my life worked or not.
I made a commitment to make happiness for myself and others the top goal in my life for at least a few months. Part of that commitment was to recognize that I'd take primary responsibility for my own happiness from now on.
I quit assuming that money, others, fate, luck, a sexy spouse or the government would make me happy.
If you decide that you really
want to be happier, then how can you begin your quest? Today there are many options; counseling, self-help books, groups, classes, workshops and other opportunities.
They can all be helpful. However, try my experiment, try making happiness for yourself and others your top goal for at least 3 months. In addition, take responsibility for your own emotions.
Making
personal growth a priority can produce "miraculous" effects. Who'll be successful at this quest and who won't?
The persons
who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make truth and their own personal growth primary values.
They become fascinated with new growth experiences, even personally difficult ones, in order to keep reaching
higher levels of development. Each new stressful event can be seen as an opportunity for growth instead of a disaster. You can fail to reach a goal, but you can never fail to learn.
I've seen many clients with
problems such as hardcore drug or alcohol addictions who're now reaching high levels of personal functioning.
I've seen clients
who were so shy that they had never had a close friend become outgoing, friendly and develop intimate relationships.
I've seen angry people become forgiving and fearful people become confident. If you want to make rapid change in a short time, you can do it by immersing yourself in a variety of good growth experiences.
This book can help provide
you with tools to get control of your emotions. This book isn't about just one type of problem - such as stress, addictions, depression, loneliness, dysfunctional relationships or lack of success in your career.
It's about learning powerful ways of thinking that can help with almost any type of problem affecting your happiness. Once
you increase your inner power, then you can choose to be happy in difficult situations.
Find role models
for your own personal growth.
Another way to begin your quest for happiness is to find good
role models such as people who have reached higher levels of happiness. Finding people who
started with problems similar to yours can be especially helpful. This is one reason self-help programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous have been so successful.
When I was in college, I wanted
models for my own personal growth. Dr. Abraham Maslow's study of self-actualizing people provided one model, which has been etched in my brain and has continued to influence my life.
If you're dealing with
problems such as persistent depression or anxiety, you may be so focused on overcoming negative emotions that you resist focusing on goals like happiness and self-actualization.
However, is it possible
that part of your problem overcoming negative emotions may be that you focus too much on problems and on reacting to situations?
Does focusing on problems
leave you stuck in quicksand? If so, focusing on positive goals and positive models may be your lifeline out of the quicksand. In addition, happiness and self-actualization are closer than you think. You can achieve bits and pieces of happiness and self-actualization quickly.
How Do You Know What Will Make You Happy?
Many people eventually choose
health and happiness enhancing
beliefs over more destructive ones. Why do they suddenly make those choices after years of not making them?
Why is it that some people
continue to choose the destructive beliefs?
I'll examine 3 different types
of mind systems as potential guides for making decisions:
(1) pleasure and pain (from
the lower brain centers)
(2) reason and emotion (from the cognitive system)
(3) empathy and love (from the Higher Self)
Even though our bodies and
minds have amazing powers, those powers don't guarantee that we'll find or even consciously seek health and happiness. I'll discuss 2 types of limits:
- the limits on the pleasure principle
- the limits on the cognitive system
How could the Higher Self overcome these limits?
Pleasure & Pain as Decision Guides
We've seen how pleasure is
different from happiness, yet we often use pleasure & pain
as decision guides in everyday affairs. Let's examine pleasure & pain as decision guides.
Pleasure provides valuable feedback about bodily needs, but is limited as a decision guide. Pleasure & pain are potent messages our lower brain centers use
to tell us about our bodily needs.
They tell us when
our cells need water, food, heat, cold, oxygen, stimulation & the like. If we ignore these messages, we'll undermine our own health & ultimately our
happiness. It's important to listen to our bodies.
Feeling pleasure
& avoiding pain are important ways we can increase our health & happiness.
However, as Freud & many
philosophers have pointed out, living strictly by the pleasure principle, getting
the most pleasure you can from the present moment, is shortsighted.
In the long run, ironically,
it usually leads to a life filled with pain. We know that if we spend all our resources for pleasure now, we may not have
any left for pleasure tomorrow.
Freud contrasted the pleasure
principle with the reality principle. The reality principle is understanding that to maximize pleasure over a longer period of time, it's often wise to undergo some pain in the short run.
Many college students sacrifice
their time & endure poverty in order to have a happier career & life
later. We're all familiar with these ideas. So is our cognitive system. Most philosophers & religions view the ability
to delay gratification (when wise) as an important way that we can increase our overall happiness for self & others.
Reason & Emotion as Decision Guides
Our cognitive system surely
evolved because creatures living by the reality principle had survival advantages over those living only by the pleasure principle.
A central function of the
cognitive system is to look at the external & internal environments from a broader perspective. The
cognitive system provided intelligence to store food for times of famine, suffer hardship in order to build a home for protection & give up some individual freedom for group security.
In the long-run pleasure will
probably be increased. The emotions, not the pleasures, tell how our cognitive system is doing. If our cognitive system believes that all our concerns will be met, then it'll be happy.
The
cognitive system & emotions simultaneously monitor many concerns. The cognitive system can't help but care about the future & care about all its subparts' desires. By "design," the only way that our cognitive system can have harmony within itself is by having
adequate plans for what it believes will happen in the future.
Our cognitive
system is biologically "wired" to produce anxiety when it's uncertain about need satisfaction in the future. Our happiness directly reflects harmony
within the cognitive system, we can't be happy unless we have adequate plans for meeting our perceived future needs & values.
It's impossible for anyone
living exclusively by the pleasure principle to be happy
for long! The short-sighted hedonist may feel a lot of pleasure now, but part of him is constantly worried
about the future.
Many people with addictions live by hedonism. They focus on pleasure today; but eat, drink, or take drugs to avoid worrying about the future. The cost is nagging guilt & worry. Instead of facing their problems, they take more drugs to cover up the guilt & worry. They become trapped in a downward cycle toward self-destruction.
Enlightened self-love - happiness is more important than pleasure. Enlightened self-love means that we're trying to maximize our happiness instead of our pleasure. Pleasure
often contributes to happiness, but not always.
If we believe we're having fun at the expense of our career or health, or at the expense of others, we'll feel guilty. We can't be fully happy now if we believe that we're undermining our own future happiness or the happiness
of other people.
Limits on the cognitive system's ability to assure health & happiness.
The cognitive system also has limits. Just as listening strictly to our pleasures can get us into trouble, so can listening strictly to our reason or to our emotions (both are cognitive-related functions).
Our emotions are dependent upon our values & beliefs. Therefore, if our values or beliefs are dysfunctional, then we can't trust the thoughts or emotions erupting from them.
Beliefs & goals can undermine or empower natural unconscious forces. With all these good biological mechanisms built into humans to
enhance our health & happiness, why do we do such dumb things that constantly undermine
our health & happiness? Why do we smoke, take drugs, hurt people, or live for today without considering the future?
A worm is too stupid to take drugs or to commit suicide. It's not able to form a conscious goal to destroy itself. It's not capable of creating nuclear weapons of mass destruction, only humans can do that. Our cognitive system is a source of tremendous
power not only to do great good, but also the power to do great harm.
Choosing to make long-range
health & happiness our top goal is essential to maximize our chances for achieving health
& happiness. Whenever we forget those goals & let a less functional goal rule, then we accidentally undermine our health & happiness.
This miscalculation is the cause of most self-destruction behavior.
The executive self
is president of our life & personality. The executive
self (like part of Freud's ego) is a cognitive system that is in charge of our personality
& life.
Our executive
self makes important decisions & plans. It resolves conflicts between lower centers. Why is it that some people's executive allows them to weigh more than 300 pounds, take drugs, abuse others, or have other serious psychological problems?
The limits of the executive self. Just as corporate presidents don't always do what's best for the
organization, neither do our executive selves.
Dysfunctional executive selves
learn beliefs, world views, philosophies of life, values or lifestyles that aren't life-enhancing for themselves &/or other people. Our basic beliefs are major factors determining our personality, our behavior & our lives.
Thus, while the executive self is a valuable inner resource, it can't always be trusted to have our best interests at heart. If we can't trust our lower brain centers & the pleasure & pain they produce as decision guides & we can't trust our executive self & the emotions it produces, is there any part inside we can trust? I believe that such a part exists. I call it the Higher Self.
you can read the entire online book about achieving happiness in your life or purchase
the book through this source website. simply click here to go there now!
Happiness, then, is at once
the best and noblest
and pleasantest thing in the world. . .
we always choose it for itself and never for the sake of
something else.
(Aristotle, Ethics )
12 Questions To
Ask
Yourself About Happiness
By Eddie Chandler
Stress Management
Specialist - Every 2nd Tuesday
"It's
neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility & occupation which give you happiness."
Thomas Jefferson
Although we all strive to be happy, few
of us actually take stock & measure of our current levels of happiness. Some men are
naturally prone to pessimism or negativity & some are so preoccupied with their careers or their social lives that they don't ever stop to think about happiness & what it really means.
How do we know if we're happy? And if we aren't, how can we
know what's required in order to be so?
It's great to aspire to happiness, but it's not a plausible
goal unless it's a measurable one. You need to take the time to define what happiness means to you. It's a very subjective emotion & it means different things to each of us. You may already be happy now, but not even
realize it.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to gauge your levels of satisfaction, contentment & overall happiness.
questions to ask yourself
1: Are you happy to get up
in the morning?
If you wake up feeling rested, you're sleeping well, so you're probably
quite content w/your life. If you routinely drag yourself out of bed after pressing the snooze button several times & you still feel
weighted down after a shower & a coffee, it's time to assess your stress levels. Career & personal pressures can adversely impact your enjoyment of life & affect your happiness.
2: Is your happiness
conditional?
Is
your happiness always contingent on something? Do you tell yourself, "I'll be happy... when I get in shape" or, "...when I get a promotion" or even, "...when I pay off my car"?
It's
great to look toward continued & increased happiness, but not at the expense of enjoying
the present. Focus on the right now. Learn to recognize the things that you enjoy & their positive impact on your life today.
3: Does the thought of happiness make you nervous?
Some people are afraid of being happy because they equate happiness w/resigning
oneself to the status quo; they feel that once one is content, one no longer has any goals to aspire to. This isn't the case. Even if you're happy at
the moment, there's nothing to stop you from building upon this happiness. There's no reason
why your contentment should restrict your ambitions.
4: Do you look forward to seeing your friends & family?
When social & family
events seem more like obligations, something's holding you back from being happy. Your interpersonal relationships add a
valuable dimension to your life. Get together with people whose company you enjoy.
If they challenge you intellectually, make you laugh & accept you just the way you are, you'll feel happier.
5: Are you only happy
when you buy something?
Tying your overall happiness to material goods isn't healthy. Too many people
associate happiness with a new car or a dream vacation. Be careful about thinking that such acquisitions bring contentment with them. Don't fall into that trap.
Keep
away from idleness.
6: Are you healthy?
Although it's often overlooked, one's
health is intimately tied in with one's happiness.
Often, it's only when one encounters others who are suffering from health issues that one gains perspective. When you focus on what's
going right in your life, you'll feel more contented. Some men only realize how good they have it after tragedy has struck - don't let it come to that.
7: Do you feel productive?
Think about the things that make you feel fulfilled & incorporate them into your day-to-day activities. If making a difference in the world is important to you, you don't necessarily have to tackle world peace or cure cancer. Your eye contact & a kind word will make a difference today to the barista at the coffee shop, the homeless man on the street or the elderly person on the
subway. Finding meaning in your life & feeling productive will increase your sense of success & happiness.
8: Where were you a year ago today?
It's a good idea to occasionally look
back to see how far you've come. It's easy to become so focused on the future that you forget to acknowledge how far you've come. This doesn't mean whining about the good old days when you had less work, more beer money & fewer
responsibilities; it's about assessing your progress & development & recognizing the positives.
9: What makes you the happiest?
Understanding what makes you happy will give you a guideline on seeking & enjoying happiness. Think of things you feel good about. Assess your talents. Look at your relationships. Consider the aspects of your job that you
enjoy. Find ways to build on those positive influences & experiences to bring more enjoyment to your life.
10: Do you find happiness in
the little things? Do
you stop to smell the proverbial roses? We're all in a rush with deadlines & time constraints, but if you make a conscious
effort to notice & enjoy life's little pleasures, you'll create happiness for yourself
& others.
11: What's stopping you from being
happy?
Quit blaming other people for impeding your happiness. Stop complaining that circumstances are conspiring
against you. Being bitter, wallowing in self-pity & pointing fingers at others won't help you feel happier. Take
control & accept responsibility for your own happiness.
12: Do you have balance in your life?
It's important to maintain balance. If you believe your entire happiness is linked to the lady you love, you're in for a big fall if you lose her. If she walks away, will 50% of your happiness
go with her? Maybe you've recently become a department manager, a great achievement considering how early you are in your
career. If the company goes into Chapter 11 & you're suddenly unemployed, will you lose your identity with your job? Maintain
a posi-real attitude & acknowledge the way that happiness ebbs & flows.
On an activity-based front, it's great to be glad you're sailing, playing soccer
or giving a major presentation at work, but be careful about thinking that these are the only times that you're truly content. Learn to diversify your sources of happiness in case you lose one of them.
"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"
Lord
Byron
enjoy the ride
Forget about comparing your happiness to
other people's experiences & attitudes. We're all different. Find out what makes you happy & go after it. Look for enjoyment
in the little things in life. Be thankful for what you have. Make time for the things that give your life meaning, balance & contentment & you -- & everyone around you -- will realize that you're happy.
12
Ways To Be Happier
By Eddie
Chandler
Stress Management Specialist - Every 2nd Tuesday
Askmen.com
Happiness is a state of mind. Everyone has days when things don't go
well. But chronic unhappiness can affect your health, your career & your relationships. Barring any medical problems or long-term depression that may require medication & professional
help, you can control your happiness quotient.
Focus on being happy & you'll feel & look better. Here are
some tips that will help:
1: Be optimistic
View
life in a positive way & you'll surprise yourself w/how energized & happy you feel. Remember; women
gravitate towards men who are upbeat & positive.
2: Gain perspective
See the big picture in your life & don't let little setbacks upset you.
Keep reaching for your goal, whether it's to become vice president, pay off the mortgage or have a long-lasting marriage.
You'll encounter stumbling blocks along the way; keep your eye on the prize & avoid becoming unhappy over minor problems.
3: Be thankful
Show people some appreciation. Thank a colleague for his assistance. Congratulate a coworker on a successful project. Say a kind word to the waitress who brings you your morning coffee. Give that homeless man you pass on the street a few coins &
be grateful that your life is a happy one.
4: Enjoy life
Make time for yourself & things you enjoy doing: polish your car; do some
minor repairs around the house; watch television; go see a show. Make yourself a priority & do what you enjoy.
Treat yourself
once in a while. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said; "It is a happy talent to know how to
play."
5: Take care of your body
Eat well & exercise. Join a gym, take up running or participate in sports.
The camaraderie of being part of a team & going out with your teammates after the game will be beneficial to your body
& mind.
6: Change your schedule
Alter
your daily routines & you'll find new energy. Maintain a clear division between work & recreation & leave
room for fun activities & quiet times of reflection.
Find out if you're subconsciously holding yourself back from being happy…
7: Keep in touch with people
Remember how you felt when you received an unexpected call from an old buddy? Send an e-mail to
someone or call old friends & relatives for no other reason than to say "hi."
8 Be creative
Find an outlet for your creative energy. This might involve building or renovating, cartooning or painting,
writing, or even landscaping. No matter how busy you are, or how lousy you feel at the end of a week, if you make time for
creative activities, you'll be happier
& healthier.
9: Find a significant other
Sharing experiences with someone you
love will boost your happiness. Unconditional love will make you feel secure & content. Sex can also have great health benefits for your body & mind.
10: Talk to someone
Have a "go-to guy" - a best buddy you can talk to about anything. Your go-to
guy won't judge you or try to solve your problems; he'll listen because he knows you'll do the same for him.
11: Dream
Write down your ambitions & slowly fulfill them. You'll have things to look forward to & somewhere to focus your energy.
12: Forgive
Maybe
it's time to forgive someone (or yourself) for something that was said or done. If you were passed over for
a promotion or lost your job due to corporate restructuring, recognize that you can't rewrite history. Accept it & let it go. Regain control of your happiness by letting go of past letdowns.
don't worry, be happy
All employees in Disney theme parks have this mandate: "We create
happiness." In the real world, we can't expect other people to create happiness for us. It's a state of mind that is entirely within your
control.
Make your environment one that offers opportunities to recognize & enjoy the positive aspects & good things in life. Strive to be happy.
Popular Ideas May Be Harmful To Your Happiness
The following excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
In this book I intend to challenge many popular unhappiness -causing ideas and to support "wrong" views of such ideas, perhaps occasionally causing offense. I consider this necessary. For the areas of our lives that contain unhappiness will usually only be changed by challenge.
Many popular ideas of today are unhappy ideas. If you hold such unhappy ideas, the ultimate goal of inner peace isn't attainable. I hope that you, the reader of this book, will experience much growth and therapy while reading it.
How you respond to seemingly "wrong" ideas is important, for many of us tend to throw out the baby with the bathwater. If thoughts like "he should know better" or "that is stupid" float through your mind, you're making judgments. A more neutral response like "I don't agree with that" is a happier non-judgmental
choice.
Haven't you ever noticed that your negative judgments about people or ideas either
(1) make you unhappy
(2) serve as largely unsuccessful attempts to boost your low self-esteem?
Therefore, do you really want to judge others? the unhappiness resulting from them?
The result of our people-judgments is that we often throw away someone's ideas because they're voiced by the wrong person or because we don't totally agree
with all their ideas. Just because I may espouse a few seemingly wrong ideas doesn't mean that everything I say is useless.
I doubt that there's a person alive who'll agree with everything I write in this book. When you find yourself not in agreement, I
recommend that you
(1) enjoy the differences between us
(2) play with my ideas mentally
(3) evaluate which of them might prove happier for you despite
their supposed wrongness.
Top 10 Things That Make Men Happy
By Shawn Croft
Relationship Correspondent / Askmen.com
If men & women are truly
equal, then men must stop bending over backwards in the pursuit of making women happy, right
men? Relationships are increasingly full-fledged partnerships after all, so why should we be the only ones trying
to make women happy?
We want to be happy & boys just want to have fun as well, so here are
10 things that men look for in the pursuit of happiness & Ms. Perfect. Read the list & answer the question that all men deliberate:
do we prefer a pretty face or a beautiful body?
10. Charm
Remember that Seinfeld episode when Jerry went out w/that stunning
blonde babe who got him out of every bad situation (speeding ticket, etc.)? Well, maybe
this occurred because she was a babe, but I think she had such power because she was charming. If a woman can make you smile, then she has the
charm to get out of any situation & will prove to become quite an ally.
Charm is what draws men to those women who aren't as good-looking as the others in our black book.
Charm is what pulls us back to women even after they burn us. Charm is the one thing that lets women get away w/murder - okay,
charm & the next thing on the list.
9. A statuesque body
We may not admit this to
them, but when we're walking down the street w/our women, we want to show them off. Show off what? Their crazy curves &
full figure.
As Doc Love puts it: you need to pass a physical to be the best you can be (i.e. join the army) & Lord knows that
women make us pass their own physical exams, so why should we be any different or make any excuse about it?
8. A beautiful face
This one will stand the test of time.
A pretty face can get away w/murder. Who wants to wake up every morning of the rest of their life next to Shamu?
While
this shouldn't be the top characteristic, it's helpful to admit that you must find a woman who will please your eyes & excite your everything else.
Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, unless of course you're a magician named David. So don't
choose someone based on what your friends say, go w/who you want to wake up with.
We like beautiful things & we shall make no apologies for this. Physical attraction may be more important than a 9th & 8th ranking, but beauty fades quickly, especially since beautiful women
are a dime a dozen.
7. Honesty & trust
When
the games are played, final rounds called & booty calls over, we want someone we can confide in. The most successful relationships are built upon trust, candor & honesty; anything else is equivalent to building a house on quicksand.
Sadly, you only know who is swimming naked when the tide goes down, so be honest with your woman (but don't tell her anything she neither needs or cares to know) if you want her to be honest with you.
Receiving a pat on the back when we do things right is nice, but it's even nicer to be told when
we're wrong, provided of course that we aren't made to feel like crap, which takes us to the next point...
6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The last thing we want, is a woman who lets us down, embarrasses us & makes us out to be fools, especially in public. Gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with admitting that we're excessively proud & sensitive to criticism, but if done right, constructive criticism from the one person who knows us best can only make us better
men, fathers, lovers, brothers & human beings.
Why do I say this? Next time your woman tells you something, don't cut her off & put her in
her place; listen, pay attention & remember: actions, not
words, are what matter.
True, we may not have Tammy Wynette standing by us in a state of oblivion,
but respect in a partnership is about praise as well criticism, not shutting up & telling it like it is. It helps when it's done
with humor (well, not at our expense).
Do
you want what all men want? Find out...
5. Sense of humor
This
will forever remain a priority for any man. We work hard, we put up with a lot & we need a woman who will put a smile on our faces when things are gloomy & make
us laugh when things are down.
Now guys,
I've been curious as to whether we like it when women make us laugh or when we make them laugh. Being able to
make them laugh is good for our egos, but getting a smile on our faces is the best tonic possible.
Women always rank a sense of humor as the trait they like most in us. A woman who finds it challenging to smile & be pleasant will be a thorn in your side until the day you die & trust me, your judgment day will come before hers.
4. Intelligence & confidence
Previous generations probably preferred a smart woman - not just book smart, but also street smart. But truth be told & this will not please feminists (but then again, who cares?) - many men
didn't want an overly smart woman, after all, it would be too hard to tame & control her. After all, men feared that women could become unstable & make demands (oh no...)
Today, I like to think that we've matured a bit & now see the value in having a valuable ally as a partner. If a housewife, mother & maid is all that you're looking for, you're selling yourself short
men, so go out & find someone who'll learn from you as much as you will learn from her; imagine the powerhouse couple that you'll make.
3. Ambition & drive
If a partner is what you seek, then you'll have to find a woman who'll
challenge your thoughts, stir up your emotions positively & give you a run for your money. Challenges start at home & end on fields, boardrooms & life, so make sure that you meet your match, because practice does make
you perfect.
A woman that's too strong-willed will also be too stubborn & this is just plain frustrating, but one that chooses her battles diplomatically will prove to come out a winner in the game of life. Would you not want
her on your team?
2. Heart of gold
Most women are selfish on good days & plain malicious on bad ones, so why any man would let himself get tempted (well,
we know why) by someone who has bad intentions beats me.
So
many men e-mail us, telling us how badly they're being treated, yet they're helpless in doing something about it & worse, they keep going back… why guys, why?
If you're looking to get involved for the long haul, a kind woman with a heart of gold will nurture you & offer the compassion, sincerity, warmth & affection you need to make it to the top.
Just make sure you're able to reciprocate the kindness, because someone ultimately will & then she'll run for the hills.
1. Love
Although there are
different things that make us happy - some of them may not have been on the list but should
have been, while others are but shouldn't have been - when all is said & done & the ink has dried up, the first dates
turn into the honeymoon stage & the relationship develops, all men really want is love.
20 Ways to Find, Sustain & Share Happiness
- By Megan McDonough
The Dalai Lama says that we all share one common aspiration: we all want to be happy; no one wants to suffer. This universal desire binds us together. At some point the realization dawns that no matter how big the paycheck is, no matter how many degrees
we get, no matter how nice the house & the white picket fence is, none of it can assure happiness.
What is it that does bring lasting happiness,
no matter what the circumstance? The ancient poet & mystic Rumi gives us a clue when he says, “Work in the invisible world at least as hard as
you do in the visible.” The invisible world is within you & it’s where lasting happiness
resides.
Here are some suggestions for working in the invisible realm:
1. Look closely at what causes lasting
happiness. Buying a new sweater might feel good for a moment or 2, but looking closely you see that that sooner or
later all new stuff loses its appeal, growing old & mundane. Reinforce in your mind that happiness
isn't the result of accumulating goods.
2. Savor
the moment. When your child gives you a bear hug, live that experience fully, noticing every little detail. The same holds
true for the boring meeting that’s putting you to sleep. As Leo Buscaglia, the author of Love, says, “Braille your world.”
Being mindful doesn’t mean things will be good, just that you're aware of them as they are, without judgment.
3. Expand your awareness. See new perspectives by challenging your own beliefs. Expand your horizons by asking yourself, “What if…”.
4. Play. Between work, family & grocery shopping, finding time to play can be just another chore.
Forget picking up that gallon of milk on the way home from work today. Instead, tickle your children.
5. Practice gratitude. Focus your mind on all that you already possess, relegating that feeling of “needing more” to its proper place. If it works for Oprah, it can work for you.
6. Follow the yes path. Margaret Wheatley, best-selling author of Leadership & the New Science,
says that when events call out yes, follow that path. It’s certainly easier than banging your head against the wall.
7. Take time for self-reflection. Since childhood, we’ve been asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” A much better question to
ask is “How do I want to be?”
8. Choose
to live your values. After reflecting on your personal values, instill them in your everyday actions.
9. Experiment.
Philosopher Nietzsche said, “Life is a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves.” Give yourself permission to try something different, without obsessing over the outcome.
10. Listen. Get your mind off your own problems by lending an ear to hear others.
11.
Stay present. As the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn has recommended in his many books, when you wash the dishes, just wash the dishes.
The mind’s habit is to rehearse what the future holds or re-run life by mulling over past events. This moment is where
life actually is lived.
12. Smile. It’s such
a simple way to change your inner landscape & connect with others.
13. Know that life is finite. You
aren't guaranteed a tomorrow. Your life is precious. Live it fully.
14. Happiness is here, in this moment. George Bernard Shaw said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.” Know that there's nothing to magically “find” for happiness; it’s created thru you.
15. Notice
your breath. It’s not difficult to simply notice the air entering your body & then watching it exit, but it has
a powerful effect. Use it to re-focus from the hectic outside world to an attitude of mindfulness.
16. Give. Whether you gift the gift of time,
money, or knowledge, sharing transforms the mind.
17. Your
path to happiness is uniquely yours. Thomas Merton said, “Looking for God is like
seeking a path in a field of snow; if there's no path & you're looking for one, walk across the field & there's your
path.” It’s the same for happiness; you make your own path.
18. Drop the guilt trip. Go ahead & have a night out with a friend. See the sappy show that your husband wouldn’t be caught dead at.
19. Spend time in nature. Get out of a world lit by fluorescent
lights & divided by cubicles. Take a walk in the woods. At the very least put a plant in your office.
20. Go to bed early. Never underestimate the power of a good nights sleep.
Joseph Campbell, who’s best known for his forays into
Mythology, cited a Polynesian saying to describe the state of humanity: “We're standing on a whale, fishing for minnows.”
What you're looking for - what we're all looking for - is as close as your own self. Happiness is the whale right under your feet.
What does it take to be happy?
- By Faadiel Rehman
How is it possible to be happy?
Sometimes we've all wondered
about our very existence in this great & abrupt world. Sometimes a person can have millions of dollars or everything the
heart apparently desires & still be unhappy.
Let's take the example of a man who has worked all of his life; He has worked hard & raised a big family.
He has looked forward to that time in his life when he can retire & enjoy the fruits of his labor. He can finally be happy & cheerful & have lots of time to do the things he really wants to do.
Now we see him after his retirement & is he happy? Nope!
He’s thinks
daily about the good old days when he was working hard.
Seems
to me our main problem in life is to be happy, but more on that in a moment.
Our world may or may not be a place where you can be happy it may not even be designed for
lasting happiness. Yet each of us has a goal to be happy & cheerful about life & existence.
We’ve all looked at the world around & said “nobody could be happy
in this place”.
We look at the house payments the car payments the dirty dishes in the sink the kids need new clothes the house needs repairs or just the fact that we would like to have a little more money to do the things
we want to do. So how the heck is it possible to be happy in this place anyway?
You can’t have everything you want. So how is happiness even remotely
possible?
You're unable to do the things you want to do so therefore this environment doesn't permit or make it possible for you to be as happy as you could be.
The funny thing of it all is - many philosophers have said over & over - but the truth of the situation is that all the happiness you ever find lies within you.
Remember when you were a kid, out playing with friends, when the world seemed
brighter & you looked forward to going outside into the world to play with your friends; 25 or 30 years later & all
that has changed.
The world now seems bleak & what once was a pleasure now requires a great deal of effort to do. So what has changed?
Life doesn't seem to be the same anymore, going outside to enjoy life seems hopeless because of the effort required to be happy.
So what changed? Probably it was you!
Children seem to derive their purpose for life by the amount of grace they put into it. Let me clarify…
Imagination & ability to wave a magic want to be anything they want to be is what creates for children the laughter we
so often see when they're outside role playing with friends.
I recall clearly playing cowboys & Indians with friends; or cops & robbers. It was so easy to just be
those roles we assumed then & the fun we derived from that is life. Some of us see ourselves as a policemen or fireman
when we are young & then many years later we look at the policemen & think “darn cops”.
Well what changed here? Has the cop or the fireman changed? Or is it your attitude towards them that has changed?
It’s a pretty safe bet that your attitude about them has changed.
Our attitude towards life makes all the difference in how we live our lives. You can study all of the great
philosophical books in existence to discover that fact but the bottom line is you've changed. Life has not changed much…
Clearly life doesn't change so much as you do.
A long time ago you were, perhaps, thinking of getting married, having a nice home & family; everything
would be just fine. Your husband or wife would come home & you would sit down for dinner & everyone would
be happy; then you got married and everything didn't quite work out the way you the way
you expected.
For one reason or another your wife or husband gets home late; they had an argument with the boss so they don’t
feel quite so good today. He or she doesn't feel like going to the movies or sitting
down for an enjoyable dinner that was hours in the preparation.
This results in quite an argument. Both of you work very hard & it seems unfair that this is the result of that hard work. So how do you deal
with a situation like this?
Does the marriage have to end? Do we set fire to house & send the kids to live with grandma? What do we
do?
Well there are a few things we can do. Least of all is to take a look at the environment and the world around
you. Instead take a look around you & ask yourself these simple questions “Where am I? What am I doing here?”
And then once you can find out where you are & why you are there; see if you can find a way
to make it more livable & likeable.
The day that you stop creating an happy environment, when you stop using your
imagination or stop being the cowboy or the Indian you once were as a kid is the day that your life ceases to be graceful
& magical, this stop being interesting or beautiful.
Most of us seek happiness in various ways.
Our search is usually hectic as though it’s some sort of a mechanical thing that exists - maybe it’s in a new
car or more money or better friends, maybe it’s on our bookshelf at home or on the next corner, or someplace else.
So we know were looking for something, but oddly enough the only time we'll ever find it is if we first put
it there or create it first. This may not sound very plausible but it's quite true. Those of us who have become unhappy about life are unhappy about life solely & completely because we have ceased
to make life happen for us.
This is the main difference amongst the happy & the unhappy; we have stopped
creating life. The unhappy person is being created by life & his environment; he or she is being created by life; life is handling & making & changing him.
And then you have the happy person; he's making life; he's cheerful, strong & happy; things are pleasurable. If you looked closely you would notice that
he is making life & that's the primary difference between being happy & unhappy:
Are you creating life or is life creating you?
Look closely at this; you'll see that the unhappy person has stopped creating life because he has logically
decided that life can't be created.
Maybe some small failure, failing a class in school, being dumped by a girlfriend or boyfriend, having a car stolen, losing a lot of money.
This then starts the attitude of “Well, I lost,” & then life starts to create him or her; he
or she is no longer creating life.
This situation could be critical if we could do nothing about it. The fact of the matter is that something can
be done about it. It's probably the easiest problem we face today; changing ourselves or somebody else attitude. Seems to me that the attitude of others towards you seems to make or break your life.
It occurs to me that your business or home holds because of your partner or spouses attitude towards you or
how they feel about you. This can only mean that we have to change 2 attitudes; your attitude toward somebody else; their
attitude toward you.
Are there ways to do this? Fortunately for us there are many ways to do this. For many years now mankind has
desired to know how to change a persons mind & his own condition for the better. Many discoveries have been made in the field
of the mind & changing conditions for ones fellows. The human mind doesn't seem to be an unsolvable problem anymore.
Miracles occur daily. So what are these miracles anyway? Well there are
many. They consist of people recovering from incurable illness; people becoming happy after being unhappy for many years; they also exist in the abilities of man to abolish the danger & conditions one faces
in life.
The answer is seems has been with man for a long time now. Mankind has been able to reach out for these answers
& knowledge. So maybe man had to change himself; modern times have proved that the physical world isn't filled with ghosts & ghouls.
We have outlived our superstitious attitude toward life & the ignorance of some of our ancestors. Every step we've taken including the mistakes & areas of life that have been conquered for
the better are all leading to one major discovery.
The discovery & ability to handle life!
Man has conquered life & the mind. We’ve seen & have first hand experience of this at www.freeyourpower.com.
This has been done thru spiritual counseling, the use of the Clean Slate procedure & many other techniques.
Education is the key to change; action it seems must follow.
Various technologies have been developed to help man understand himself & the world around him.
This has been the goal for many years & it's been realized.
Best wishes in your
journey to find happiness.
Look out for my next article – The Rules for a happy life. I am not
sure what the title will be but “The Rules for a happy life seems to work for now”.
Also- If you are interested in changing your life & would like to experience
some of the techniques we have to offer then email me: frehman@freeyourpower.com
Rates vary based
on the type of technique we will use to assist you in making & creating your life. Also do checkout the online store.
We have a few items that could get you started!
I'd appreciate your feedback on this article since it took some time to write & I'd like to know if my writing
skills have improved. There's just no way of knowing unless I get some feedback.
Your opinion
means alot to me.
Best, Faadiel Rehman
www.freeyourpower.com
Goal Setting for Happiness - By Sanjiv Sahay
Goals are the key to achieving anything in life & so it's with achieving happiness. Happiness comes from a steady progress towards meaningful goals which are highly desirable to the individual.
Overall goals need to be broken up into specific goals for each aspect of your life e.g. health, career, relationships etc. Goals must be realistic & achievable, but at the same time they should be attractive enough to excite you & make you enthusiastic about achieving them.
The key to understanding your real goals is to ask yourself these 3 questions.
• What would I want to do if I had only 6 months to live?
•
What would I want to have or do if an angel had granted me one wish which would be fulfilled instantly?
• Would
I be truly happy if I actually got whatever I thought I most deeply wanted & what would
I do with it?
To clarify these questions - assume that a doctor told you today that
you had only 6 months more to live. What would be the things you'd like to do during those 6 months?
These things would be
your true priorities.
If there were no obstacles to your doing or possessing
anything you wanted – what would that be? You'll have think beyond your self imposed limitations & express your true desires.
Is what you think you want most, really what you want most? What are you going
to do with it & will that make you truly happy?
Say you thought
your most ardent wish was to have a million dollars – what would you do with it? Would doing that make you truly happy? Think of some other millionaires & consider if they're truly happy
in the way that you want to be.
Identify goals for all the aspects of your life that impact your happiness. These include relationships, financials, career, health, attitude
etc. Then you can prioritize these goals so you work on the most important ones first.
Once you know the
goals most desired by you, develop the sub goals which will need to be achieved in order to achieve the primary goals e.g. if the primary goal is to develop strong family relationships, then one of the sub goals could be to develop reasonable financial security so as to afford more free time with the family.
For each area you
also need to develop intermediate goals - what you'll achieve in 5 years / 1 year / 6 months / 1 one month. These goals need to be specific & written down. To simplify the task of setting your goals you can follow the process given in “Ways to Happiness” at http://www.myhappiness.com .
Next you need to assess your present status on each one of the areas where you have defined goals e.g. if your financial goal is to have a hundred thousand dollars in 5 years & 20,000 dollars in one year, then you need to assess what you have
now.
If you total up your savings
& find that you have 10,000 dollars today, then you need to save 10,000 dollars more in the next 12 months. If that's
totally impossible in today’s circumstances, then see if you can change your circumstances e.g. get a second job, or learn a new skill & get a higher paying job or reduce some non critical expenses.
If even this isn't feasible
then revise your goals to make them achievable within the constraints you define for yourself. It's important to get in the habit of achieving your goals. You can revise them upwards after you get more confidence in your abilities. You must be totally convinced that you can
achieve your goals.
At the end of this exercise you'll have a set of achievable goals which are highly desirable to you. Visualize yourself achieving the goals – having a loving spouse, being rich & famous etc. Then draw up a specific & time bound plan to achieve the goals & fix benchmarks to measure your progress.
Since these goals are achievable & also highly desirable to you, you'll discover that a deep sense of satisfaction & lasting happiness will come merely by making steady progress towards your goals.
Copyright © My Happiness 2005-2006- All Rights Reserved.
Stress: Eliminate it From Your Life & Make Happiness Your Normal Lifestyle - By Joanie Winberg
Is happiness
and the feeling of gratitude what you feel on a daily basis or is stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed seem like a normal lifestyle?
Has the feeling of being overwhelmed become so familiar that you don't know any other way to live your life?
Being happy is a choice you face every day. To feel happy, whose responsibility is it?
Do you depend on another person or thing to make you happy?
Who is the only person who can make you happy?
If you're struggling with the rough road of answering these
questions, then it's time to change your mindset and take responsibility for your own happiness.
It’s time to figure out how to break the old
mindset, get rid of the negative tapes or the thoughts that aren't serving you to break free of frustration and stress.
To strive for the "sigh of relief" feeling you get when you let go and learn to live a lifestyle of more ease, happiness and fun.
Finding balance in your personal and professional life can help you enjoy the feeling of peace within and true happiness. Yet, this is a huge challenge today for most people. Our lives seem busier than ever with the feeling of a "fast-paced get stuff done" type of lifestyle.
Although everything around you can contribute to the
very severity of your stress levels, stress is truly self-inflicted.
Here are 3 tips on how to shift your energy to help make
happiness and joy your normal lifestyle:
1) Be aware and recognize the stressful situation by noticing where it's showing up in your body. Do you have tension or aches and
pains in your shoulders, neck, chest, or stomach?
Pay attention to what your body is telling you. This
is your red flag.
2) Accept the situation. It is what it is. Yes, life can be very challenging at times. Now ask yourself: "Do I really want to continue feeling this way?
If I keep feeling this way, will this make the situation better?
How can I help myself?"
3) Are you familiar with the Laws of Attraction?
Maybe you've heard the expressions, “What you
think about, you bring about” or “The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you.”
Be the chooser of your thoughts! Feel the power within.
Recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy. Several examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, worry, despair or a sense of lack (lack of time or money).
High energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, appreciation, love or compassion. Notice how you're feeling just by saying the low and high-energy words. Which words dis-empower you?
Which words empower you?
If you're having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy?
As mentioned in step 2, acknowledge and accept the feelings you're having. Be gentle with yourself. Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps.
How to shift from low energy to high energy - select
a method that works best for you or use a combination. Before choosing a method, imagine you're standing at the bottom of
a set of stairs.
As you help yourself shift to higher energy, you'll
be able to step up to the next step. Keep amping up your high energy and before you know it, you'll be at the top of the stairs.
Isn’t it great up there?
Here are a few methods to get you started:
1) Become present in the moment by observing everything around you this very minute. Use all your senses. Put yesterday's worries and tomorrow's concerns aside and think about only the present moment!
Observe everything around you as if you had to describe
it to someone over the phone.
2) Focus on what's working “right” in the
situation and build on that. Yes, you may be facing a very challenging situation, yet try to find something that's working or going right, no matter how small to help you move forward.
Think about it...does it seem that people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy and happiness?
You do…be the chooser.
5 Keys to Happiness
By Greg Soltis, LiveScience Staff
If you're not happy and
you know it read along.
You've watched "Seinfeld" re-runs, splurged on yourself and
downed pints of Ben and Jerry's. Nothing's helping. Maybe you're one of the 20 million Americans diagnosed with depression, you're bottoming out or you just want something to improve your day. Here are five ways - some admittedly challenging - to help you get that much-needed mood boost:
1. Pick good parents
In Happy Land, genes trump environmental factors, according
to the experts. And a study in the March issue of the journal Psychological Science scores another point for the
gene team:
Differences in DNA that could explain why some people tend to have an extra bounce
in their step might also underlie the tendency to be more emotionally stable and socially and physically active.
Genes do not provide free passes from the doldrums, and other
external factors will still try to mow you down. But, heredity could provide some people with a horde of happiness that they can draw from when the good times aren’t rolling.
And Canadian researchers' ability to genetically stifle depression in mice in 2006 indicates that human happiness could one day be improved by manipulating
genes. This was the first time science throttled the throes of any organism. Mice bred to be void of the gene, called TREK-1,
acted as if they had been downing anti-depressants for at least three weeks.
2. Give it away
It only takes $5 spent on others to make you happier on a given day, according to a 2008 study. And selfless acts can also help your marriage become a more
enjoyable experience for you and your spouse.
After performing good deeds, people
are happier and feel their life has more purpose. But is the act selfless if you expect
something in return? Maybe it just depends on how you look at it.
3. Ponder this
Think of a happy place.
And you, too, like Happy Gilmore, might sink that putt and earn back your grandmother's house - or overcome your own hurdle.
Humans are more resilient than we think and can endure trying
times, as demonstrated in a 2005 study that tracked mood changes in dialysis patients. They were in a good mood most of the
time despite having their blood cleaned three times a week for at least three months. But healthy patients envisioned a miserable
life when asked to imagine adhering to this demanding schedule.
As Winston Churchill said,
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity
in every difficulty."
4. Work out
Consistently breaking a sweat, along with medication and counseling
can help people battling depression by sapping lonely and vulnerable feelings.
Exercise improves one's state of mind in part by affecting
the body's levels of two chemicals:
cortisol and endorphins.
The adrenal glands of angry or scared people produce cortisol.
This increases blood pressure and blood sugar, weakens the immune response and can lead to organ inflammation and damage.
But working out burns cortisol, restoring the body's normal levels.
Running, biking or using an aerobic exercise machine also
causes the brain to release endorphins -the body's natural pain relievers - into the bloodstream. The body foregoes the
negative side effects of drugs while still experiencing a natural high. To gain the most from your workout, make sure its
intensity reflects your stress level. And challenge your body to continually adapt by varying the exercise’s length
and intensity.
5. Live long
If you have the right genes and are selfless, optimistic and
active but still find yourself down in the dumps, just give it some time.
A study of 2 million people from 80 nations released in January
found that depression is most common among adults in their mid-40s. Among Americans, the worst of times hit women around age 40 and men about age
50.
But with age humans are more inclined to filter out the negatives
while focusing on what they enjoy.
Americans in their golden years tend to see the glass as half
full, despite their increased doctor visits and chemo treatments. After battling cancer, heart disease, diabetes or other
health-related obstacles, 500 independent Americans from age 60 to 98 rated their own degree of successful aging as 8.4 on average, with 10 being the highest in a 2005 study.
Happiness, it seems, takes time.
source site: click here
Boomers Miserable, Seniors Happiest
By Robert Roy Britt, LiveScience Managing Editor
posted: 16 April 2008 ET
|
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very important additional resources:
it's in the news!
Want a Happy Marriage? Be Nice, Don't Nitpick
Happy Marriage Offers Flu Protection
What Makes Wives Happy? :Both New & Old Ideas of Marriage, Study Shows
excerpt:
Inner happiness is the most
sought-after quality of human life. But many people find true happiness impossible to attain.
Everybody wants to be happy & we've all had tantalizing glimpses of what complete happiness might be like. We can be truly happy, it seems, only as
long as our circumstances are just right.
Since most of the time our
fortunes are mixed, happiness is forever retreating before the chill winds of anxiety. We're convinced that lasting happiness is an impossibility.
How happy
are you?
Happiness is a complex thing.
Suppose I asked you to rate
your happiness on a scale of 1 to 10. You'd probably reply by
asking what I meant - happy right now,
or happy in general?
People are almost always happy about some things and anxious about others. It's even possible to feel happy and anxious over the same thing at the same time - like the first day of new job.
Here's how you can revolutionize your happiness by applying the following
principles. You must understand two crucially important facts.
First, happiness
is available only to those who really want it.
This may be surprising to many. But it's true that many people don't
want to be happy as they're often suffering in their self-activated
anxiety not willing to be freed from it.
Determine that you want to
be happy whatever the situation you're in and you'll be on the road to true happiness.
Second, the idea that feeling must respond to circumstance is a myth. That's a hard
statement to accept, I know. We feel happy if we're loved and anxious if we're not, so doesn't that prove the power of circumstance over feeling?
No, it doesn't, for the simple
reason that what we see as circumstance isn't circumstance at all. We exclude the wider picture.
Let me summarize the
matter briefly like this. Happiness isn't
attained by removing the causes of anxiety (they often can't be removed). Nor is it attained by pretending that the causes don't exist
(they usually do exist).
Anxious people are notorious for their dull conversation. They talk about nothing but their worries. They perpetually
ask of other people an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. But this has the effect of reinforcing their own anxiety because they're forever reminding themselves of its causes.
"If you want happiness, provide it to others."
Direct
your attention outward. Look for ways of helping or caring for others because in serving others you'll find real happiness.
Noticing Happiness
- By Gina Lake
If you notice, you'll see that happiness is already here. Still, no matter
how good life may be, the ego says no to it: “It would be better if….” “I'll be happy when….” As long as we don’t follow these thoughts, we will be happy.
But usually we give our attention to the ego’s rejection of what is instead of to what is. We give this “no” the power to steer our actions: We jump from one idea to the next, trying to make life and ourselves better.
We'll never arrive at happiness by listening to the “no.” Happiness just is. It's inherent in the moment - in the now - in the form of joy, acceptance and love. It can't not be. We only have to notice what already is. That is the only reality there is, so why waste your attention
on what is not?
We think that some day there will be no more “no”- no more ego arguing against reality - and then we'll finally
be happy. But that day will never come. If you wait for the “no” to disappear,
you'll be waiting a very long time.
We don’t have to get rid of the “no”
to be happy; we just have to see it for what it is - the programmed discontent of the ego - and ignore it. The ego will never be happy, but we can be if we don’t give our attention to
what the mind says we need to be happy.
The ego doesn’t know about happiness. What can it know about happiness? Its job is to manufacture unhappiness and it's very skillful at convincing us otherwise.
Once we see this, the mind has no power to draw us away from the now. The only power it has is the power we give it by believing what it tells us. Now that you see this, there's no excuse for giving your attention to your thoughts. Pay attention to this moment. Notice. That is all it takes. The price of admission into the now is attention.
This is an easy price to pay because we're always paying attention to something. Attention is
one thing that's constant; it's always happening. Attention is like the eyes of the Self. It's where the Self is focusing part of the Awareness that it is. The Self could be described as an awaring presence. It's sometimes simply called Awareness or Presence.
The attention that is part of Awareness is directed either by the Self or by the ego. In any moment, the Self may be directing our attention or the ego may be. Even when attention is being focused by the ego, the Self remains aware of that.
Awareness is never lost, but the ego isn't aware of Awareness. What we put our attention on is what we identify with. Attention directs identification. When we put our attention on thoughts, we become identified with them.
And when we notice the now, identification shifts from the ego to the Self. Noticing is the primary doorway into the now, where the Self abides - and that's also where true happiness can be found.
The Happiness Factor
By Remez Sasson
If
you analyze people's actions, you'll come to the conclusion that they all seek happiness.
Every act is in fact a search for it, even if on the surface it doesn't look so. Happiness
is always the main target.
Going
to the movies, eating in a restaurant or going to a party, are motivated by the desire to be happy. Sometimes the movie isn't interesting, the food isn't
good and the party is boring. Then the search goes on. Maybe the next time the search will be more successful.
If
the activity is pleasing, there might be a feeling of happiness and then this activity is
sought again in order to repeat this pleasant feeling.
Who
doesn't dream of a vacation in some fascinating location, a new car, a new house, or the ideal match? All people daydream
and some even try to make their dreams a reality. And why is that? In order to be happy.
What
about people who endanger themselves by climbing steep mountains, entering unexplored caves, or diving into the deep of the
ocean? They too are looking for the few moments of happiness and rapture.
A
thief may steal because he loves the thrill of danger, or because he desires to have quick money to spend. He's actually looking for happiness, though in a criminal
and perverted way.
The
list can be endless. It's the happiness factor that's dictating the behavior of each and
everyone. It's sought in many ways and forms. Sometimes though, it's sought in a selfish way, or by hurting other people through stealing or taking by force.
Of
course not all actions end in happiness.
The motive is happiness, but the results not always bring the
coveted desire.
According
to some spiritual traditions, we're spiritual beings in physical bodies. The spiritual part is always happy, or rather is happiness itself. The body covers this happiness essence, but it's there all the time. There's a constant desire to be aware of this happiness. This is the reason it's constantly sought.
No
matter what activity is sought, at the moment that happiness is experienced, something happens.
Whether it's the thrill of arriving to the summit of a high mountain, eating a delicious cake or winning the lottery, there's
a common element that's always present.
At
the peak of happiness there's a stoppage of the thinking process. There's inner silence. Worries are dropped away. There is peace. The competition or dangers are over. This may last for a brief moment or a little bit longer.
In
this vast peace we feel happy. It's not the object gained or the successful performance that brought this feeling. It's something internal and independent of the outside world..
Happiness
is always here, but covered by thoughts, desires and fears. It's experienced when these covers disappear for a while. When fear or worry come to an end or a desire attained, there's a temporary disappearance of these covers.
In
order to experience it on a daily basis, one has to learn to quieten the restless mind. One has to dive inside, because happiness is an inner attribute
and isn't in the objects or circumstances.
It's in this world, but out of this
world.
There's
no need to search for happiness or to create it. There's no need to have all kinds of outer experiences and actions in order to feel it. On the contrary, everything has to be dropped in
order to experience it.
When
the ability to have a quiet mind under all circumstances is gained, one enjoys constant happiness,
no matter what he's doing and where he is. This is quite attainable, but to gain this peace and happiness you need to work towards it.
By making
the first step today, happiness will start to fill your life.
Happiness Is Within Us
By Remez Sasson
What is happiness
& why is this incessant running after it? What does it mean to be happy?
What is the difference between happiness & pleasure?
It's
a hot summer day & you feel thirsty. A friend offers you a refreshing cold glass of
lemonade. How do you feel when you see the glass? How do you feel when to drink it?
Will
you describe your feeling as happiness or as pleasure? I believe you'll say it's a feeling of pleasure. There is a connection between these two kinds of feelings & sometime one evokes the other, but they aren't the same thing. Pleasure is more dependent on the 5 senses while happiness is independent of them.
Pleasure
is a good feeling that comes from eating good food, watching a good movie, feeling the warm caressing rays of the sun on a winter day, enjoying a party, etc. Pleasure
has to do with enjoyment thru the 5 senses & is dependent on circumstances, objects & people.
When
you're happy, minor unpleasnt events usually don't disturb you. When you're unhappy, you feel as if everything is against you. You may compensate for it by eating
chocolate & sweets because this gives you pleasure; yet you stay unhappy.
A
person may smoke cigarettes because it gives him pleasure, yet, this doesn't make him happier, especially if he acknowledges the fact that it isn't be good for his health.
Others
may go to the extreme of not seeking it at all, because they feel unworthy of it & prefer to avoid it. There are also people who upon experiencing it, always look around, wondering wherefrom will come the blow.
The
physical world is always in a state of flux. At each moment a new thing is being created, sustained, changed, transformed & then destroyed. This is the normal state of affairs & no one can change it. If we attach ourselves to a certain state, we're bound to experience unhappiness sooner or later.
No
state remains as it is. These are the laws of nature. When circumstances change & the changes aren't to our liking, we experience unhappiness.
On the other
hand, if we exercise detachment, nothing can influence our moods. Then outer events have nothing to do with our inner joy & peace of mind.
From
the moment of birth there is yearning for happiness & endless race towards it. It's
considered as one of the greatest positive attributes. If we analyze our actions we see that all of them are in some way or another, happiness
oriented. Everyone wants to feel good & happy. When circumstances & events are to our liking we're happy & when they're not, we feel miserable.
When
do we experience this coveted state? This feeling emerges when some problem has been solved, a burden has been lifted, a fear has disappeared or a desire or ambition has been fulfilled.
We
also experience it at a time we acquire or receive something we wanted very much. It comes when we're assured of the love of someone dear to us, when we win a sum of money in the lottery or when we get good grades at school.
Watch
your mind next time you experience happiness & see what is happening. You'll find out
that the mind becomes quiet & its constant chatter stops for a while. You'll see that happiness
comes from the inside.
Happiness
Is Inside Us & Is Attainable
On
a cloudy day the clouds hide the sun, but the sun is always there. The clouds of thoughts, worries & desirrd cover & hide our happiness. We have to disperse them in order to experience it. Then
the happiness that's inherent in the soul & is always there shines forth.
Happiness
isn't something far away & unattainable & it doesn't depend on circumstances. Objects & events aren't
its causes. It's an inseparable part of our consciousness, only that as mentioned previously, it's hidden & covered from
sight by our endless thoughts, desires & worries.
The
experience of mystics down the ages has been that happiness is inherent in our souls; it
isn't something to be gained anew. All that's necessary to do is to uncover it.
What
have all the mystics, yogis & saints pursued down the ages? They haven't been looking for pleasure,
but have been searching for inner happiness that no one could take from them no matter where
they were. It's independent of outer events.
This
happiness I'm talking about is constant & eternal. It's our nature; only our thoughts stand in our way of experiencing it. Dispel the thoughts & you're happy.
You
can't see a treasure at the bottom of a stormy & muddy lake though it's there. Make the water still & let the mud
sink & you see the treasure. The treasure is there whether you see it or not. So is happiness.
It's always here, only covered & hidden.
Now you
may ask, what one has to do in order to gain happiness? One of the key factors is
detachment. Endeavor to be detached & don't let your feelings be influenced by each little blow of the wind. If you can convince yourself to stay relaxed & calm in every situation, this will be the first step.
Activities
such as learning to concentrate & control the mind, developing will power & self-discipline, practicing meditation & reading spiritual literature bring happiness, because they calm the mind.
In the East
they say that if you're in the presence of a realized teacher, your thoughts slow down & you experience elation & bliss. The mind of such a teacher is completely calm & undisturbed by thoughts.
It's
also very powerful & causes the minds of people in his vicinity to behave similarly, as if influencing them by telepathy. The mind being
calm, it stops being an obstacle to the welling of happiness.
Happiness
is here, within you. Just calm your mind & stay relaxed & you'll experience it. You
don't need to wait for it to come. You don't need outer circumstances & events to bring it. A calm & detached mind is the gate to true happiness. It's your decision to choose happiness.
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Raising Your Happiness Quotient
- By Diana LaSalle
Have you
thought “Why can’t I just be happy?” If so the answer may be staring you
right in that mirror. We all have it within us to be happy, but often we get so caught up
in everyday life that we neglect important parts of ourselves that bring us contentment & even joy.
Happiness begins with understanding that we're multi-dimensional creatures operating on 4 distinct levels:
-
physical
-
intellectual
-
emotional
-
spiritual
When
all 4 dimensions are working in harmony it's much easier to achieve a state of inner peace.
The 4 Dimensions
The 4 Dimensions
are equal in importance but impact our lives in very different ways. Learning the purpose & qualities of each helps you understand yourself &
others more clearly & gives you insight into how you can improve your happiness quotient.
Physical
Dimension
Health – Play – Pleasure
Tune
in to how your body feels when you’re happy.
This
dimension helps us experience life thru our senses, body & the energy around us. Our health, appearance & ability
to enjoy play, exhilaration & pleasure reside here.
When we
nurture our physical being we're better able to deal with health issues, body image, stress & various stages of life like child-rearing, career building, midlife & retirement. It’s also possible to build
“happiness memory” just as you build muscle memory by being aware of how your body feels when you’re content & then making a conscious effort to recapture that feeling.
Intellectual Dimension
Reason- Logic-Performance
Practice quieting your mind each day, focusing on the moment
This
dimension rules our minds & allows us to reason, apply logic, appreciate precision, quality & performance. It also allows us to learn, accumulate knowledge, make rational decisions & bring
order to our lives.
All of this
is good, but many of us spend too much time in our intellectual being. Thinking about work, planning or thinking about the past & the future can overwhelm us. When this happens it’s hard to appreciate the moment & we miss many opportunities to experience happiness thru our other dimensions.
Emotional Dimension
Relationships – Self Image
Notice how you feel when you focus on
the positive.
Probably the most challenging of the dimensions, this heartland governs our relationship with ourselves & others. A healthy emotional dimension
allows us to be self-assured, confident & understanding of others’ emotions. It also helps us establish & maintain
fulfilling relationships. Too often we dwell on negative emotions & this causes us to block out all the good we can receive
from the other dimensions.
Spiritual Dimension
Beliefs-Concepts-Creativity
Allow nature, beauty & creativity to be an everyday part
of your life.
While most people think of spiritual as meaning religious, in dimensional terms it refers to our conceptual selves. It governs our belief systems & inspires creativity & passion. When our spiritual dimension is given its due, we see the world outside ourselves
more clearly, open up to creative expression & access the positive characteristics of the other dimensions more easily.
When you allow yourself to play & enjoy the sensory side of life, engage &
disengage your mind at the right times, connect with yourself & others & find meaning thru beliefs or creativity you'll experience a life of greater harmony - a life that's truly priceless.
I'm Happier Than I've Ever Been In My Life....
by kathleen howe
I've said it so many times I can't count them all....
"If I could actually go through with getting my books published, I'd be the happiest!"
That's right, happiness
seems to always be contingent on the possibility that something might happen that would open the doors to the happiness vault, finally. It's true. How many times have you laid in bed at night thinking, "If my husband would only open up to me, I'd be so happy! Our marriage
would be better! We'd work everything out!"
We're living in the future if we're doing this.
We're living in the realm of possiblities. We're in denail, not facing reality & certainly not doing ourselves any favors!
There are those of us who say to ourselves, "I could have been so happy if he would have just told me that he needed
more attention."
Again, living in another time zone, this time
the past! It's not a healthy thing to do. It's not helping us to be happy. It's not helping us to be or do anything, but be
unhappy as a matter of fact.
Most times in my life, I was living in a wishful
state of mind. I would call it "transporting." It was my own little escape from the mess
my life was always in. I couldn't be happy in my own life, so I'd get creative, lose all
inhibitions & transport myself into another person in another realm. It wasn't reality, but it was fun. The big problem with this
practice is that once you begin to "transport," as I called it; it wasn't long before I
found myself living in a fantasy world. Literally.
Losing touch with reality is dangerous. I think that this method of finding happiness is happening to millions of people these days although
they're not calling it, "transporting." But listen up...
How many people in this world are finding themselves
sitting in front of their computer, chatting with the opposite or same sex, (whatever your
preference be) & living a fantasy life via the Internet?
How easy is it for people to be whoever they want to
be on the computer via the Internet where your true identity can be secret & if you're not happy with your marriage or your life, you can create a happy little world
whether it be in chat rooms, sims online or via email. It's true. I did it. I wasn't happy.
I couldn't do anything about it because I was depressed & out of control. So I created my own happiness,
transporting myself thru fantasy into the lives of online friends - real people - fake persona!
The problem with all of this is that it's
neurotic. It's horribly demeaning. It's being unkind to other people. It's a sign of true mental health problems. It's dysfunctional.
It's a big panic button that needs to be pushed so the lights & sirens all come on - screaming out loud - warning! warning! warning!
I've been transporting
without a computer since I was a little girl. I was living in a fantasy world. I made up stories, embellished like a pro &
believed everything that I dreamt up! I had been traumatized at an early age when all this disasterous fantasizing began.
It wasn't until I became aware of what I was doing in my recovery that I realized just how sick I was, mentally.
Suddenly there was a change in my life. I got
real. I got better. I began to live in the real world. .... I began to feel remorse. I began to be satisfied with my own "real"
life.
The change came about through my personal growth & recovery journey. I made a serious commitment to myself five years ago to find out who I was & to get right with the world. I suddenly crossed an invisible line without
realizing it at first. The invisible line was a certain "clarity of thought" as well as a "presence of mind" that I never experienced before.
Suddenly I knew how mentally
ill I was before. It was frightening & exciting all at the same time. Being with that moment, silently, feeling the change as it flowed through my blood was a life changing event for me. I was able to "see" through my mind's eye how I had learned
enough intellectually, experienced a gradual strengthening of my innate power & had begun to learn how to control it all
to be on a higher level of awareness, intuition & understanding than ever before.
Learning takes so much
time. I was selfish with my time, stealing it from everyone in my family, but in return, they were receiving a more
"able" mother, wife & friend. I'm so careful to be with my new self to experience what this new self is capable of. Because
of my commitment to myself, I keep searching for new information to take in to see if it's relevant to me & my history. Through this commitment, I have forced myself to reach out to find more possibilities, opportunities & have taken the time to recognize each
new revelation afforded me.
This is happiness.
Recognizing every aspect of my own self that is emerging from the mire of dysfunction, pain & abuse is like mined gold.
I am so happy when I sit & experience my senses now with even more awareness & clarity than before; I feel more blessed & more faithful to the Lord for his gifts every day. It's this happiness
that allows me to try to get into a new league within my relationships. I'm trying desperately to break the old chains of
living in lies & fears to incorporate "living in the truth" with everything I do. Honesty is liberating & inspires pure happiness!
I hope that you can keep a similar commitment to yourself someday. It's the first steps in finding pure happiness in life. It's not bought
with money or with your blood. It's not exchanged for your soul, it's searched for & found. I'm
happy. I am truly happy that things are changing for me & my family. It's not always easy or painless. But it's refreshing - always.
If You're Happy & You Know It - By
Maria E. Andreu
Do you have prerequisites you set up
for yourself, things that have to happen first before you'll be happy?
For many of us, it's a way of life.
We live always in expectation of that next big thing that's going to make it all complete. The diploma. The marriage. That new big job. A biggie is a certain
amount of money, which always mysteriously creeps up as we approach it.
Remember that first paycheck in your
first "real" job? It seemed like so much money! How long did it take before that same check, newly strained by the rent on
the bigger apartment or that car payment, all of a sudden didn't look so big? If you're like most of us, not long & suddenly,
you found yourself thinking, when I make more money, then things will be really great.
But of course, these
are all matters of perspective. It's really easy to get caught up in not having enough when you focus on externals. I heard
a wonderful saying, which seems so nonsensical but which proves to be so true: "You can never get enough of what you don't
really need."
Think about it. It's the perfect explanation for people you see (&
we all know them), who always must have the latest gadget, or just another pair of shoes, or the biggest house.
Why can that need never be satisfied?
Another example is water. When you're really thirsty,(&
I'm talking dog-in-the-middle-of-summer-with-the-tongue-hanging-out thirsty) can you get enough water? The
answer is, yes, you sure can. It may be a lot of water & you may have to stop & start until you've satiated that thirst,
but a time comes pretty quickly when you're not thirsty any more.
Because water is
what you really need.
But if in that same state you decided to have cheese instead, thinking surely this will cure that awful thirst & more & more cheese & different kinds of cheeses & the best cheese
on the block, all in the hopes of getting rid of that thirst, will you ever stop being thirsty?
No & more than likely, you'll get
progressively thirstier & thirstier, until your tongue swells & you're one dehydrated soul.
A good measure of whether you're getting what you need is whether the need becomes smaller & smaller as you "feed" it. If you feel lousy & you go shopping & immediately afterwards (or in a short while) you feel lousy again, it's a safe bet you didn't really
need to go shopping.
Ask yourself: If I get "XYZ" (what
you want) how will that feel?
For example, if your wish is a really
big house, ask yourself, "why?" If you have a large extended family that comes to visit often & because you entertain
them on holidays, maybe you really do need a big house.
But for most of us, a large house is a status symbol that feeds a different
need, a need to be seen & appreciated as an important person. So the question to ask is: what feeling am I trying to evoke by meeting what I think is my need? To feel important? Special? Not poor anymore?
Why it's important to do this exercise:
You must understand what drives you to be liberated from it & to start to design your life to fit your needs. You need to stop eating cheese when you thirst for water! Learning to identify your true wants & desires will make you much more effective in achieving your goals & in setting up a life that works for you.
11 Keys to Constant Happiness - By Hale Dwoskin
The following article
is based on principles from the recent #1 best-selling book, Happiness Is Free & the Sedona Method Course.
These principles will show you how to access your natural ability to let go of any unwanted thought or feeling on the spot, even when you're right in the middle of life’s greatest challenges.
This will free you to quickly & easily have all that you choose, including the following:
- less stress
- improved self-esteem & confidence
- greater financial abundance
- more loving relationships
- more radiant health & well being
- an expanded sense of peace, love & joy in life
.
. .& much more!
The following points
can be used as daily reminders to live & enjoy the Free Happiness that is your birthright.
1. Look for Happiness in the Right Place.
We spend most of our time looking for
happiness in all the wrong places. If you simply look within, you can discover the source of unlimited happiness now.
Also, if you examine
those things that you think make you happy, I think you'll find this pattern inside. When
you satisfy a particular desire, even temporarily, your mind gets quieter & the happiness
that is your natural state is able to shine through a little more.
If you allow yourself
to catch this process as it unfolds inside of you, you will learn to take happiness directly
from its source within you & you'll enjoy everything that you have or do more fully.
2.
Stop Rushing Past Life.
Have the attitude of, “I have all the time in the world,” even when working on a deadline. You will not only feel
happier but you will get things done more easily & quickly. If you catch yourself
rushing, simply let go of pushing yourself as best you can & allow yourself to take one step or one action at a time.
3. Let Go!
This is the core of the Method! Most of us spend way too much time holding
onto what was. If you let go of what was & stop dragging it into the present or projecting it into the future, you can enjoy what is now.
To learn more about the
Sedona Method course visit:
http://www.qksrv.net/click-585400-1056072
4. Accept What Is.
When we want to change what is, we suffer. If you just let go of wanting to change what is as best you can, even for a moment, you are immediately happier. Plus, you no longer have to
hold onto your problems in order to change them & they often change or clear up all by themselves.
5. Give From Your Heart.
The giver is truly blessed. Whenever you give without wanting anything in return, even if it's just an understanding ear, you
are instantly happier. The key is in not expecting to get anything from giving. If you want
to get something back, you aren't truly giving & you miss the blessing of happiness that
true giving brings.
6. Give Love Instead of Trying to Get It.
If you look for others to give you love, you
will often be unhappy. However, if you allow yourself to be as loving as you can for no reason at all, you will instantly feel happier. As Lester Levenson used to say, "Love, love, love & you'll always be happy."
7. Be Present With What Is.
If you are simply present with whatever you are experiencing now, as opposed to what was or what
might be, you will find there is no end to your happiness. As best you can, take breaks from trying to assign meaning and
a history to the sounds, sensations and pictures that arise in your awareness. Another way to say this is to welcome whatever
arises in your consciousness as best you can.
8. Live Life Wide Open.
Even if there are supposed threats around
you, when you close off from your environment, you are only locking in suffering and holding away happiness. The more you
simply open inside you let the pain you already have out and you become transparent to the pain that appears to be coming
from outside of you. When you are truly open the pain can’t stick to you.
9. Pick Agreements.
If you
look for things to agree with just as they are, you can find them, even at your darkest hour. Every time you pick an agreement
with what is in your experience, you experience more happiness.
10. Expand Your Awareness.
As you expand your
awareness, you expand your ability to feel happy. You can do this quite simply by allowing your awareness to be as contracted
as it is and as expanded as it is. The more you embrace both sides, the more you can recognize the vastness that is your basic
nature.
11. Accept the Possibility of Happiness Now.
Most of us are waiting for something to change in order
to give us an excuse to be happy. If we decide it is possible to be happy, whether or not that something ever changes, we
can become happy now.
Why be Happy Tomorrow When you Could
be Happy Today? - By Ted Schredd
Living in the “Now” is more than just a new-age voodoo ritual or something a guy named
Buddha dreamed up 2,500 years ago; it is a fantastic way to live. Being out of the moment is when your mind is somewhere your
body isn't.
Let’s start with the past. The past has passed-it’s done,
finito, over! All the anger, cussing & tears can't change history. No matter how much time, effort & energy you spend on trying to alter it, the past isn't open for change.
Why climb into the boxing ring & get slapped around by events gone by? Living in the past
just wastes fresh tears on old problems.
Some of us get stuck on the “Good
Old Days Syndrome,” where everything in the past was so much better. Gas was cheaper, people were more feeling honest, feelings of honesty & the government wasn’t so corrupt. Times change, so suck it up & deal with it. All you have is this moment-right now.
Then there are those of us who seem to live exclusively in the future. We postpone our pleasures & happiness, hoping for a better tomorrow.
But why leave your fun to some day in the future? Someday isn't a day of the week. Will everything
be OK when you finally buy a house?
Then will you be happy? When you lose 10 pounds? When you get your
new job or your new car?
When you get a new hairdo? Then will your life be great? Why put off your
happiness until a later date like Friday night or Sunday morning or this summer or next winter? When people retire,
they begin to golf, travel & live life to the fullest. Why wait till retirement? That would be silly.
Avoid placing your happiness in a future time zone, because if a piano hits
you before you get to live your life, you're going to be really upset. Plan for a great future, but that’s all you can do. Having fun is not the final song, it’s the whole concert.
So you can’t change the past & you can’t predict the future. All you have is right now. To be here now gives you all kinds of
benefits. Staying present helps you to enjoy & focus on the task at hand. Being in the moment will increase your work efforts, your capacity to communicate & best of all, your ability to embrace life & love it.
The more you can become aware of your now moments, the more fun you can have. I love whitewater rafting. When I’m in the front of the boat & the wind is blowing, the water is rushing beneath the rubber
floor & there’s a ten-foot wave coming my way, the very last thing on my mind is any kind of trivial worry.
When that wave hits, all I'm concerned about is enjoying the adrenaline & excitement of the ride. Enjoying life keeps me right in the middle of the moment.
The more fun activities
& good times you partake in, the less the Mind Poo can sneak in. Mind Poo plays a big part in letting you regret the past & worry about the future. A great way to stay in the moment when the Mind Poo’s chatting up a storm inside your head is to ask yourself out loud, “What does this have to
do with right now?”
Just keep asking yourself that question until you say the answer is: “Nothing.” Don’t
let Mind Poo destroy your moments.
There is nothing wrong with looking at the past, just don’t dwell on it. The future is a
celebration of possibilities, so thinking happy thoughts about it is encouraged.
Enjoy everything you can, while you can. You never know when your life will end or your circumstances will change. Climb more mountains, take more trips, watch more sunsets, tell your friends that you love them, start that art class or go running up & down the street naked.
Happiness
can't be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. There is only now & if you’re too busy living in the wrong
moment, you may never get another chance. What if something tragic were to happen & you became dead?
Could you leave here satisfied that you’d enjoyed your life? Play in life on every level & enjoy your life right now, today. You never
know when it can be taken away from you.
It doesn’t matter what your religious beliefs are, the Now moment is a magical place. Being in the moment somehow helps you to connect to your spiritual self. Spend a moment to feel the sun on your face, to smell the wind, to hear the birds & to see life unfold. We certainly
want to be in the moment when driving down the road, so use that nowness whenever you can.
Greet every moment with appreciation & delight right now. Being focused on the moment will expand your pleasure of it.
Be
unrelenting & uncompromising in your pursuit of happiness. Get rid of the problems
that take you out of the moment. If you’re down at the beach & you’re worried about getting your taxes done,
then get home & do your taxes.
Don’t try fooling yourself into having fun if you’re ignoring chores that need to be taken care of. Take care of those Mind-Poo triggers & get living again.
One day you'll no longer be
here; one day you may no longer have your mobility. Now is the time to enjoy life because, yes, it could get better, but it
could get a lot worse too. No matter how your life is, whether you perceive it as pleasurable or miserable, those feelings will not last forever.
There will always be an assortment of experiences that can bring you happiness,
sadness or both. The real fun in life is in the journey, to enjoy each & every moment.
Appreciate that life is fragile & that there may never be a moment quite like this one. Never under any circumstances be happy tomorrow when you could be happy today.
The Secret of Happiness - By Kathy Gates, Professional Life Coach
What does happiness
mean to you? There’s a lot of searching going on these days for the elusive emotion of “being happy”
--where do you find it, how do you create it, even what it actually is.
But I’d like
to share a little secret with you -- happiness is not for the lucky few who were born with it.
You see, happiness is not something you can reach out and touch or put in the refrigerator and take a sip when
you need it. Happiness is not found on a beach in Hawaii (really!) or in a perfect body. It’s not even in that unachievable
perfect relationship that Tom Cruise tries to sell us in the movies.
Yet from the images
bombarding you every day, it’s easy to make the mistake that happiness will arrive on your doorstep when you
have the latest care, the best clothes, a fancy home, isn’t it? It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking
that if you could just find the right person, they’d arrive with a box of happiness attached to his/her hip. But all
this does is convince you that happiness is something to be found outside of yourself.
And
that’s where you get off track. Because the secret is that happiness is simply a by-product of creating and living
a life that works, a life that you enjoy -- whatever that is. Happiness comes from doing what you what, where you want to
do it, who whom you want to do it with.
And yes, I can hear all of you -- “But
I can’t get the job I want because I’d have to go to school for 8 years, and I have to live here because I can’t
afford to move, and what do you mean “who I want to do it with” because I WANT to hang out with Bill Gates or
Oprah Winfrey or Bill and Hillary Clinton”.
And thank you all for making my point
for me.
You see, happiness starts by believing you have control over your
life; and grows by making choices that will give you a sense of well being, satisfaction. Happiness comes from deciding that
you *will* go to school for 8 years if that’s what it take. That you *will* organize your life until you can afford
to move. And that YOU decide who to hug, how much to smile, what music you listen to, and even who you hang out with, even
if it’s not Bill and Hillary.
Happiness is about making the best choices you
can about who you spend your time with, how you making your living, how much you learn, what you put into your body. Because
when you feel good about the space you’re in, when you’re with people you admire and respect and they admire and
respect you, when you’re working on a project that’s meaningful to you -- happiness will shine right through.
And that’s no secret.
Be Happy! One of the Greatest Sources
of Happiness - Nature - By Pradeep Gusain
Nature is one of the greatest sources
of happiness. In fact, humans had lived in the lap of nature for millions of years &
their stay in modern cities is comparably very very short. Still now majority of them lives in close proximity to nature.
In fact, human race is
dependent upon nature for its very survival (plants recycle carbon dioxide into oxygen; our food
is a product of nature & we can survive under a very limited range of variables of nature like temperature, etc.)
Nature is
all free! It is there for everybody to stand & stare & derive happiness & solace from.
It doesn't distinguish between rich & poor, strong & weak, man & woman. Silvery sun is free, golden moon is free, cool breeze, warm seashore, imposing mountains, smooth flowing rivers, dark & inviting forests, all are free.
It's free, not because it's cheap, but it's rather priceless.
How much would it cost
to make only an artificial island with rivers, forests, mountains & surrounding ocean?
Billion
dollars, zillion dollars?
Can one make it? And if one can & afford, will he
give it to humanity free to enjoy? Will he not charge some entrance fees? How much?
When we see the moon,
we see it in its entirety, no matter how many millions of people are seeing it at the same time. Has God made a separate moon
for each of us, or is it only one moon which each of us somehow sees as his own individual moon?
And similarly, the sky, the sun, the
ocean, rain & sunshine, all are there for us to possess fully. Each can stare at the sky & claim all of it for his or her happiness. It's all
his or her.
Nature understands your moods. If you're sad, it's also sad with you. But it doesn't make you sadder. It doesn't lead you to further despair. It applies gentle balm to your wounds. It sits besides you like a mother, spouse, brother or sister, or a friend & embraces you, talks to you, listens to you patiently, empathizes with you.
Slowly it lifts your spirits, makes
you to see your little woes, worries & wounds in the right perspective of infinite time & space. You smile; you laugh & you're happy
again!
I am sure, you're keeping your money in the bank & this bank balance gives
pleasure & happiness. Even when this money is lying idle or tied down in investments.
Sometimes it's money just on paper, as, i.e., the value of shares & bonds. When you need something, you withdraw the money & exchange it for some pleasure & happiness.
Well, all this is good.
Yet do you realize that infinite beauty & happiness is lying around you in the form of nature?
Do you appreciate this fact & draw happiness out of it?
BE HAPPY!
When the Seas of Life Get Stormy, Use These Tips to Ride the Waves to Run &
Happiness
By Susan Dunn, M.A., the EQ Coach
When sailing through life, sometimes you’ll encounter rough seas. Here are some of the things
you’ll need to ride the waves to fun and happiness.
You’re
the CAPTAIN of your ship. Be empowered means having a deep sense of confidence that you can take charge of your ship and handle whatever comes up. Use your personal power and intentionality to keep your ship on course through stormy waters.
And every good captain has a
CREW. Who will you have with you on this voyage? A good mate - a life partner; a navigation officer - a coach or other expert
who knows the ropes and provides vital information to help you chart your course; a purser - accountant or financial adviser;
a medical officer - your personal health care team; and others to swab the deck, lower the anchor and do routine maintenance
- maid, yard service, car repairman, baby sitters, etc.
You’ll need a MAP. There is a map to transitions, because there are certain things in common to all transitions. Take a Transitions course
and/or hire a coach or other expert in transitions.
All sailors have a BAROMETER.
What barometers do is tell you a change is coming. This is crucial to a sailor at sea, or a sailor at life.
Our intuition acts like a barometer. Wouldn't you agree it would be good to be able to sense if you were about to be laid off, or if your daughter were experimenting with drugs? Everyone has intuition. Learn how to pump up the volume on yours and read its messages.
A ship takes on
BALLAST when it’s too light to sail. Add extra sleep and nurturing in times of stress, a solid Personal Mission Statement, money-reserves, a good time management program. Shift ballast if your ship is weighted
down - get rid of tolerations.
Good STABILIZERS for your ship are essential. A good
social support network with strong intimate relationships, people you can count on, your faith, expert help such as a coach and a well-bolstered Resilience can stabilize you through rough times. You bolster Resilience by processing Transitions well and by growing through hard times, not just going through them.
What
LIFE VESTS would you take with you in the lifeboat if your ship were sinking? Most people in my seminars
mention specific people in their lives and their faith.
Some mention experts of various types. I've never heard anyone mention money. Life vests these
days feature a light and a whistle. Your optimism is the light, guiding you to safety. Your Personal Power, your voice, is the whistle. Don’t forget to take these with you!
Don’t
become a CORK BOBBING IN THE OCEAN. Did you know that a cork out in the middle of the ocean would bob eternally? Each wave
rotates the cork slightly, but doesn't move it anywhere. If you want to get through rough seas, you have to take action.
You have to be able to TENDER. When a ship can't get up to a harbor, it anchors and then sends people ashore on smaller boats. To tender in your own situation,
you need to use creativity. How else can you get where you need to get when Plan A didn't work out?
Passing MUSTER is also essential. Muster is an emergency plan. It means putting on your life vest and reporting to your assigned muster station. This is practiced in calm times so you'll 'know the drill'.
Having been through it in a calm and rational time, presumably in a state of panic your body will remember while your mind is flooded with emotion and you'll get where you need to get. Do you know where the muster station is? Practice in quiet times. You'll need the knowledge in emergencies.
What ship doesn’t
encounter WINDS OF CHANGE. Winds are always blowing in a transition. It's typical to experience ambivalence, wanting the thing that's gone, wanting to move forward, fear of the unknown, survivor guilt, confusion, joy, sadness, and anticipation.
Today you're glad you got the promotion and ready to go, tomorrow you dread the new responsibility, doubt you can handle it and mourn the changed relationships. The winds can toss you about without the anchor of your Personal Power and Your Stabilizers.
Stormy seas have WAVES. It matters the size of the adversity
and the succession of adverse events. One large wave can really knock you over. So can a rapid succession of smaller waves.
60' waves routinely roll in slowly, one by one in the Pacific, causing no problem, but a rapid succession of 30' waves sank
the Edmund Fitzgerald on Lake Superior. It had no time to recover, to right itself.
Depending upon the relative size of your craft and the size of the wave, it's best to turn and
face the wave rather than taking it broadside. Turn and face your problems head-on; it'll be easier in the long run.
There is nothing worse than getting side-swiped. The trench of the wave is how it effects you
- it may look like just a house your leaving to someone else, but to you it's your memories and your home. Learn about you,
learn about the waves.
Study transitions. Processing one transition
and learning good coping strategies builds resilience and helps you handle the next one and the next one. Learn to ride the waves to fun and happiness!
Susan Dunn, the EQ Coach, is a coach, speaker, writer &
author & a regular enrichment lecturer for the Royal Caribbean cruise line. She helps her clients weather the storms of
transitions. Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc & mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.
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